We used to have a hamster, when I was around 6 or 7
She was an albino, so we named her Snowy. Lovely creature, calm and placid, happy to run the day away in her little wheel. Would even eat sunflower seeds out of your hand.

She had one of those plastic ball things to run around the house with - if I concentrate, I can still hear the "bump....bump.....bump" as she careened around the room, bumping into everything like a tiny rodent dodgem driver.

One fateful day, I had a friend over, and we were sat in the hall playing lego. My Mum had nipped out to the garden to do the weeding, leaving us to our own devices. Snowy was happily bump bump bumping away, when she ran into the back of my friend's legs. Shocked, he went to turn round, and accidentally kicked the ball. It went spinning off and rebounded off the wall, Snowy rattling around inside.

We looked at each other, and an evil grin spread across our tiny faces. We had found a new game, one that makes me ashamed to even type it. Yes, we played 'Hamster Football.' It genuinely makes me wince to think about it - this beautiful, innocent wee creature, happily scurrying away inside it's little ball, suddenly being thrown around like an epileptic in a washing machine. At one point, we even rolled it down the stairs. Oh, the complete and utter shame I feel.

What makes this into a true confession, and secures my place in Hell, is the fact that Snowy died 3 days later, while hemorrhaging blood from her little anus. I killed that Hamster, and her death weighs heavy on my conscience even now. Snowy, if you're up there, I hope you can forgive me.
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:36, 16 replies)

Kids like you are the reason I don't want children.
You're right, it's hell for you. You know you deserve it too. At least there's that, such as it is.
Mucho balls you've got to post it, that much i will say. Perhaps the heavy guilt you have carried over the years is punishment enough (but I'd still fucking slap you given the chance).
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:54, closed)

you'd slap him
over something he did when he was young and silly? Despite the fact he feels guilt for it. Think you're overegging the situation slightly
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 17:59, closed)

Yeah, hence the reason I said, "It genuinely makes me wince to think about it"
I know what I did was wrong, but I was only about 6 - are you really trying to tell me you didn't do ANYTHING you were ashamed of when you were too young to know any better?

You know, this is what pisses me off with modern society, especially in Britain. This reply frames it beautifully. Raoul Moat kills how-many-people and gets fan groups on facebook proclaiming him to be a hero, yet that nutter who puts a cat in a bin gets death threats. Why are animals put above people? I'm an animal lover myself, but it just seems nuts. Bit of a tangent, I know, but there you go
(Godwin's Lawyer is more evil than Hitler, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 18:04, closed)

You know what? Nature is cruel, just look at cats playing with their prey. To condemn a child for unthinkingly tormenting a weaker creature when you are so quick to pounce on someone you view as lesser than yourself strikes me as a little hypocritical.
(Brambly Slag is strangely attracted to Steve Buscemi, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 20:35, closed)

^^^ This ^^^
Couldnt have said it better myself.
( user_names_suck, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 23:41, closed)

HaHa
You Legend
(Rimmer, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 18:32, closed)

I laughed at this
I feel sorry, I really do, but I'm cracking up.
(CactusZack Shaved his coin purse on, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 18:46, closed)

de de de da da da da daaaaaa
Am I going to Hull for imagining the MOTD theme tune sang by those annoying hamsters??

(and don't get me started on the mental image 'Snowy, if you're up there' caused!)
(the_icks has the sweet essence of giraffe, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 19:02, closed)

If it makes you feel better...
It may have been a prolapse. They're pretty common in Hamsters -- lots of mine and my friends died of them when I was growing up.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 20:05, closed)

During sex play...
the hamster anally penetrates you through the cardboard tube. I can see how mixing up the roles may have caused them to prolapse.
(Turtlenuts, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 20:13, closed)

Shit, I knew we were doing something wrong...
...but Neil T told me it would be OK.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 20:58, closed)

Hmm...
I hit a pet guinnea pig with a pick-axe once, at a similar sort of age - perhaps a little older. In my defence, it was already dead (I was burying it), and I was just curious as to what the insides of a guinnea pig looked like.

'course, this is all a little quaint now, as the internet means you can not only find out very easily, but there is probably porn of it. Good ol' Rule 34...
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Thu 26 Aug 2010, 21:54, closed)

It's not that unusual
I killed goldfish and dissected them at that age. My friend and I also put her pet mice on a blanket and tossed them up in the air, like a trampoline (just a few inches, they all fell back on the blanket and weren't hurt, probably just terrified). Up until about age 6 or 7, kids really don't have much empathy for animals. That part of the brain hasn't developed much yet, so their idea of "playing" with animals can be pretty cruel. Personally, I don't think kids should even have pets until they're a bit older because of stuff like that.
(Tarana, Fri 27 Aug 2010, 2:05, closed)

What he didn't say
is that the anal haemorrhage had very little to do with any plastic ball.
( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Fri 27 Aug 2010, 2:57, closed)

FYI
theoatmeal.com/blog/hamster_atonement
(Nirmeth My ignore list is fucking huge. Hint., Fri 27 Aug 2010, 15:07, closed)

The fact you feel guilt, and that you were just a child makes me feel you can be forgiven. I don't think I had any concept of internal injury at 6.
(Mong goose, Sat 28 Aug 2010, 22:51, closed)