Steve, I'm sorry I ruined your birthday.
Back in the mists of time, when I was merely 20, a friend of mine turned 21. It happens to most 20-year-olds at some point, but Steve was slightly special as he was the oldest in our circle, and therefore the first to reach this milestone.
His birthday plans were modest: himself and 15 of his friends would meet for a few beers, we'd go for a Mexican at 8ish (this was winter, so no need to book) and then meet up with another dozen or so after. More beers, then spirits, then nightclub. Flirt badly with people we know, dance badly with people we know, go home alone. Standard Saturday night really, apart from the Mexican restaurant.
Ah, yes, the Mexican. Me being me, I was already slightly pished by the time we got to phase 2 of the evening. I ordered margaritas and shots of tequila for Steve and myself before I'd ordered food, and my inner drunken arse was only around the corner.
There being 16 of us meant that this little restaurant was slightly unprepared, and there was a good ten minutes between the first and last food being delivered to our table. Plenty of time for me to get bored.
I'm sat there drumming idly with my knife and fork, Steve sat next to me ignoring his tacos in favour of turning his napkin into a hat for the girl opposite him, Alix (who was similarly ignoring her fish), when I notice a gloroious, mysterious thing. There's a bee stuck in the tiny fake flowers in the middle of the table.
I carefully reach out with my knife, all thoughts of cutlery percussion banished from my head, and wiggle it under him. He stumbles, grips on... and sits there. I have a bee on the end of my knife.
The sensible thing to do would be to say "look guys, I've got a bee on my knife" and carry it outside.
Instead, I put it on Steve's taco. This'd be funny, right?
Right?
Wrong.
He reached down without looking, picked up his taco, actually took a bite (missing the bee, thankfully) and only noticed it when it was inches from his eyes.
He panicked, and threw it across the table, hitting Alix, who was just reaching over for a drink. She recoiled, and the glass in her hand collided with her plate, dragging it into her lap. She screamed: understandable really, since she was covered in Steve's taco and her own grilled fish.
Then she noticed the bee. The angry bee.
She jumped almost vertically, overturned her segment of table (3 or 4 had been pushed together to accommodate us) and screamed.
Then she screamed some more.
Her dress was ruined, her and Steve's food was ruined, the night was probably ruined, and I was suddenly very sober.
Incredibly, no one had seen me plant the bee in Steve's taco, so to this day, no one knows it was my fault.
Steve: The ballsing-up of your 21st birthday was all my fault.
So was the bee taco 'n' fish on Al.

Many apologies.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 10:36, 28 replies)

(HeadDesk)
I fully intend to find out where you live, take the nearest detachment of Her Majesties armed forces to your house and have you summerily executed for crimes against humanity.

Either that or sit back and watch the rest of the QotW regulars point you out to their children when advising them to stay away from the Bad People.
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 10:45, closed)

[Bows]












[smirks]
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 10:53, closed)

^WHAT SHE SAID^
With added FUCK
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:15, closed)

Damn you
I believed that right to the end!
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 10:55, closed)

^^me too
well well played.....*clicks*
( Jeccius Steam Borderlands 2 junkie, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 10:58, closed)

Good god, man.
Well played.
( SigmaX0 Dear Die Hard. You rock!, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 10:55, closed)

*Applauds*...

I fell for that hook, line & sinker.

and now I feel dirty.


*clicks*
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Wed 1 Sep 2010, 10:59, closed)

a perfect example of the genre

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:02, closed)

Argh!
Took me 4 re-reads of the last line to get it as well!!
(deadsetgav, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:04, closed)

Are you mentally retarded?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 1:08, closed)

I'll ask my mum

(deadsetgav, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 9:42, closed)

It says "Many apologies"
=o)
Edit: Piss. I was talking to Deadsetgav, not you Monty.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:20, closed)

Yeah
I didn't think it was much of a punchline, then I started to backtrack and it all became clear ;)
(deadsetgav, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 10:49, closed)

Sweet Jesus.









*spangs*
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:05, closed)

I got halfway through the bee taco 'n' fish on Al line
before I twigged.

you twat.

*click*
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:15, closed)

Excellent
had me all the way.
(Kip, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:19, closed)

You git.
You wonderful, wonderful git.

Had me right until the end.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:26, closed)

'Steve' gave it away.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 11:50, closed)

Hahahahaha

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:16, closed)

Pfft.
I knew it was a bit far-fetched.
His name was actually Zachary Montgovern.
I'll try harder next time.
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:45, closed)

I liked that more than your mum !
did your mum read this too?
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:20, closed)

I had to re-read the last line 4 times before i got it
you bastard
(NuffMuff fucks shrubbery, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 12:48, closed)

Surely
You wouldn't get bees in winter?

I would have believed it otherwise.
(rockdoctor, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 14:18, closed)

Hmm. Didn't consider that.
I live in a seaside town, and Summer is any time during peak-season: beginning of June 'til end of August. The rest of the year is referred to as winter by default.
Winter officially arrived yesterday, the town's population pretty much halved after Bank Holiday Monday. No shit (this time).
=o)
(Paolo Nutini's Bikini Better than Frederick Fleet's optometrist, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 18:51, closed)

you massive swingeing cockshaft
hook, line, sinker, rod, reel and copy of Angling Times.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 1 Sep 2010, 21:30, closed)

*SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!*

( idonthaveafunnynickname Drink-Aware? Sure. I'm aware I want another drink., Wed 1 Sep 2010, 23:36, closed)

well played, good sir.

(unoriginal spluffed so hard it came out her nose on, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 0:11, closed)

This is the only example, ever
where I have read it, gone away and browsed elsewhere, read it again, left again, and finally spanged myself in the face while reading another pun because I only just realised.

I'm not sure what that says. About anyone.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 2 Sep 2010, 11:22, closed)