it was my birthday
and two friends took my girlfriend and me out to dinner at a fairly posh restaurant. It looked to be a very pleasant evening, with food and wine and good company.

I had my cell phone with me- an admittedly crappy bit of work which had no vibrate mode that I ever found, and no way of silencing it when someone called. Unfortunately this was during the Bad Times in the divorce process, so I had to keep it on in case the kids called with an emergency. But if it started to ring, I had a folded napkin handy to muffle the sound to a whisper if it was a non-emergency call.

As luck would have it, of course, everyone I knew was trying to call me that night.

After the fourth or fifth call that I immediately muffled under the napkin, a guy at the table across the aisle and down one snarled "Answer your goddam phone!"

"I'm sorry," I said in my gentlest voice, "I have to keep in on in case my kids need me. I'll try to keep it quiet."

"Well then call your kids!"

"Ummm... look, I'm only keeping it on in case of an emergency. If they call I'll answer them; otherwise I'm covering it with this napkin-"

"Just answer your fucking phone!" he yelled.

The woman next to him and the couple across from them were looking increasingly uncomfortable through this. I tried again to apologize and explain, but he kept getting louder and angrier. His friends looked like they were ready to crawl away under the tables, and his woman was telling him loudly to shut up. My friends tried to intervene, but he started in on them as well.

Finally I used my most stentorian Brian Blessed voice, the drill sergeant tone that makes people jump, and announced, "Sir, you are drunk. Please take your friends' advice and quiet down." I said this with the most scorn I could muster.

The result was immediate, of course. He surged to his feet and his friends grabbed him and dragged him out the door, bellowing as he went.

The waitress approached with a look of terror in her eyes. "Sir, I'm so sorry! We could hear it all the way up at the front!"

I smiled up at her. "No worries. You had nothing to do with it. We're all fine."

She looked after the vanished group. "They were out at the bar for a couple of hours before their table was ready. And they had just opened a $270 bottle of wine, too."

I sat up. "They did? Well, it shouldn't be wasted, should it? Pass it on over!"

She glanced around to make sure no one was looking, then grabbed the bottle and handed it to me. She then got me a fresh glass and scurried off.

My friends were still buzzing with adrenaline. "I'm so sorry that this happened on your birthday!" she exclaimed, her cheeks red.

I laughed. "Why? Are you kidding? That was great! Look- he was a drunken blustering bully, right? Not only did I publicly tell him off and get his friends to drag him out of here, but I also made sure that he's not gonna get laid for about a month. And now I'm drinking his wine besides!"

And at the end of the meal the manager came and apologized, and comped us our meal. Result, mothafukka.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sat 1 Nov 2014, 17:37, 10 replies)

a l r i g h t y e r

( MEATSNAKE Richard Hammond, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 3:43, closed)

Dozer in "posting other people's stuff because he hasn't had an original thought since he fell out of his mum's cavernous vagina" shocker

( rachelswipe with a fork, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 8:33, closed)

I read that in a stentorian Brian Blessed voice
Amidoingitrite?
( Ghoti Fingers, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 11:37, closed)

So your story is that you ruined someone's meal
Because you refused to reject incoming calls or even put your phone in your pocket, then caused the person whose night you ruined to waste hundreds of dollars?

You selfish, self righteous, self pitying prick.

The worst bit is that if this is true, and I doubt it is, that you seem to think you were in the right.

What a douche.
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 17:12, closed)

*puts on 2.0*

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 17:29, closed)

^This^
It's really not asking too much to turn your phone off for a couple of hours.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Mon 3 Nov 2014, 11:27, closed)

Needs moar French waiter

(McChinaman banned, Sun 2 Nov 2014, 20:08, closed)

Why didn't you just answer your phone...
...and say "I'm sorry, I'm not in a position to take calls right now, this phone is only on in case my children have an emergency, could you call me back during office hours, thanks."

??
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Mon 3 Nov 2014, 12:04, closed)

Now tell us about how you treated BGB.

( Pig Bodine., Mon 3 Nov 2014, 13:25, closed)

I treated her to some sweet startac lovin'

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Mon 3 Nov 2014, 14:05, closed)