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ThatNiceMan asks: Have you ever been talking with people down the pub when somebody throws such a complete curveball (Sample WTF moment: "I wonder what it's like to get bummed") that all talk is stopped dead? Tell us!
( , Thu 12 May 2011, 12:53)
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after that you yet again turned into a shit-stirring cnut. Unless you actually have something to say related to this thread then try not to be a horribly passive aggressive, obnoxious person.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 9:20, 2 replies)
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I'm kinda with Shambolic on this one (*shock horror*). I think you can reasonably expect to ask a question such as "do you have any kids?" without expecting someone to return with "I had 3 but they died and are buried in the garden".
I am sorry for your loss and all that, but if every time someone asked an innocuous question they got a 100% honest response would make life a bit awkward for everyone.
"Alright Dave, how are you?"
"My fucking dog died, my Nan's in hospital and my girlfriend says I'm shit in bed. ALRIGHT?!?!?!?"
Just saying like...
EDIT: Yes, I am aware that response is saved for when you're feeling less charitable, but I still think even saying we had 3 miscarriages and are waiting on IVF is more than someone could reasonably expect unless a close friend.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 9:52, closed)
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Your mum has 2 kids, yourself (who is capable of attachment and feelings) and your sister. You both get on really well (ie no family feuds) but your sister unexpectedly died 18 months ago.
Every week people, in the normal course of conversation with strangers, look at you, make a judgment on your appearance or age, and ask you 'do you have any sisters?'
Do you say no, and let that person think you've grown up an only child, denying the existence of a person who had an impact on your life and the person you are now, or do you say 'yes', but allude to the fact that she is no longer here? (I know, depends how you are on the day and who the asking person is)
No right answers I guess, each to their own.
This is my own.
People look at me, in my mid-thirties, and make an assumption. If there is not a fucktrophy hanging off my tit, then no, I do not have kids. And I don't know the exact WHO stats for infertility (1 in 8 US couples) and much as I hate to concur with the Shamblyone, one in 4 (although according to my well-informed source, more likely to be 1 in 2 pregnancies will miscarry (although that is not 'official' stats, just from someone whose day-to-day dealings are on miscarriage). Its common but people often don't think and just blunder in.
I wouldn't swear in the delivery with a stranger. And it wouldn't come across as aggressive as your example. I reckon honesty is possible in most scenarios but like I said, its in the delivery. That said, I don't often get asked to go clothes-shopping with girls as I WILL say if something looks hideous
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 11:28, closed)
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Sorry for all the sadbits, you must have had a lot of tough times.
One question though - do you think that you'll feel the same way about the question if the IVF works out and you have kids?
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 12:13, closed)
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I have heard of people who do count the first losses as their kids and that question makes them also wonder what to reply with.
( , Tue 17 May 2011, 6:29, closed)
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Very true!
I hope taht IVF works out for you, and that you have some lovely kids and that this whole issue becomes easier for you.
Ignore the haters, while they're riled at the tone of your original message (was a little full on), i'm sure that if they had looked a little deeper, more would have laughed along with your (pretty dark) humour in the face of some painful memories.
( , Tue 17 May 2011, 17:38, closed)
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but that 'not beating around the bush' irl is so frowned upon.
Gotta laugh, if you don't . . . the universe implodes(!)
( , Thu 19 May 2011, 10:49, closed)
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It is a normal and well-intentioned conversation opener. Interpreting it as a personal slight and going on the attack is, in psychological jargon, completely fucking nuts.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 15:29, closed)
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somehow when I saw your comments and before realising your seriousness, I went on the defensive.
( , Tue 17 May 2011, 6:30, closed)
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simple as this: when asking a member of the public a question, unless the question is rhetorical then don't assume you know the answer before you ask.
golly, a society trapped into asking "questions" just to appear polite.
Wankers.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 12:12, closed)
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If you are having a conversation with someone you don't know, I fully expect that you never ask a single question and instead just talk constantly about yourself in a dull monotone.
But for people less stupid than you, asking questions about every day things is a way of getting a conversation going, and involving the other party, as it's a bit difficult to have a conversation on your own.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 12:59, closed)
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maybe it's just cos i actually care about people, or whatever, but when i ask a question in conversation or whenever, then it's because i want to hear the answer.
cos i'm interested.
why else?
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 13:14, closed)
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you think it's perfectly reasonable for that person to deliberately try and make you uncomfortable by saying "No, I have no children, they are dead and we are having real problems conceiving"
Rather than just tempering it slightly to say "No" and then maybe steer the conversation away slightly.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 13:17, closed)
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it brings out all sorts of reactions, traumatised people do all sorts of crazy shit.
i wouldn't let it get in the way, though.
surely just because someone has been damaged by something horrible doesn't mean they're not entitled to be treat with a degree of normality?
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 13:34, closed)
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If upwards of a third of couples, including me, can manage to cope with miscarriage without turning into obnoxious anti-social fucking mentals then why can't we expect this poster to manage it?
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 15:05, closed)
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Pots, kettles and blackness.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 15:19, closed)
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it's a perfectly reasonable question to be asked although in my experience one that is never required because people with kids are so fucking keen to tell everyone about them.
in fact, that's going to be my response in future
"do you have kids?"
"if I did you'd know about it, because I'd have bored the shit out of you about them by now"
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 15:25, closed)
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Would you like me to describe it?
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 15:30, closed)
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[insert poo description with pictures and sound effects here]
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 15:38, closed)
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I felt it concise, objective, and usually stops further talk of "don't leave it too lates" and "why nots".
Someone in that conversation is always going to feel uncomfortable, huh? And if its 10 seconds of awkwardness and a changed topic, so be it, better than me going home bawling my eyes out again because someone hasn't known when to leave it alone.
( , Tue 17 May 2011, 6:34, closed)
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No, merely more acknowledged that response wasn't 'the usual' as pointed out by the OP.
I don't assume anything, nor do I force my life's tragedies on anyone who cares to ask "how's it going Galahad?"
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 21:53, closed)
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Which part of it do you have a problem with?
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 15:03, closed)
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Maybe that's the reason for the frankly unwarranted backlash.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 21:44, closed)
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I'm just a little baffled who these other cunts are and why they're leaping up to defend the argument. They can't all have bollocksed hormones. Some of them's balls haven't even dropped yet.
( , Mon 16 May 2011, 22:49, closed)
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