Learn to make mayo.
That white jellied wank in the jar in the fridge isn't fit for dog lube. Throw it out. Or up a dog.
One egg yolk. One teaspoon of mustard. One tablespoon of vinegar. Salt and white pepper. Whisk. Trickle in oil (not olive oil, you fucking idiot) until it emulsifies. Keep trickling until you have a bowl of delicious gloop. Don't use an electric whisk or it'll turn into jelly and I'll have to kill you with the pages from Delia's Dreary Cooking for Dulls and the handle of a wooden spoon like the lover in The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover. Except we won't serve you up to the Thief because you're a fat mass and the stench of sizzling rancid flab would ruin the kitchen. You're welcome. Kiss kiss.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 4 Jul 2012, 19:51, 8 replies)

Then eat it with jam and crisps.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 4 Jul 2012, 20:36, closed)

And a beer can.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 4 Jul 2012, 21:26, closed)

Naturellementally.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 4 Jul 2012, 23:02, closed)

how do I get it into a squeezy bottle?

( glued eel /questions/questionsyoudliketoask/post1648081, Wed 4 Jul 2012, 20:47, closed)

Put the pointy end in a dog and talk dirty to it.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 4 Jul 2012, 20:48, closed)

Well yes,
but it's not Cool Whip is it.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 2:48, closed)

Cool Whip is for Americans.
I was talking to human beings. Apologies for any confusion.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 8:00, closed)

hellmann's 4lyfe

( mark morrisons prison shoes I love Willie, Thu 5 Jul 2012, 9:36, closed)