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This is a question Dad stories

"Do anything good for your birthday?" one of your friendly B3TA moderator team asked in one of those father/son phone calls that last two minutes. "Yep," he said, "Your mum." Tell us about dads, lack of dad and being a dad.

Suggested by bROKEN aRROW

(I helped save b3ta! Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 25 Nov 2010, 11:50)
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Get this, right
my Dad was such a drunken bastard this one time he stabbed up my Gran then set fire to the house and I had to hide under the bed like I did every night but then he pissed on the fire and it went out then he went to prison and killed a guard and escaped and ruined every christmas by killing my Mum so I didn't go to his funeral and that was three years ago but I still miss him every day and he'd be so proud of his grandchildren.
(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:29, 13 replies)
Hang on.
This is obviously omglies on the internet, which breaches the QOTW protocol as laid out by /talk.

Whatever shall become of us?!
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:31, closed)
Give me some online sympathy
you terrible troll.
(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:33, closed)
Suck my cock
You sexy little thing.
(I helped save b3ta! Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:34, closed)
A dumping ground for psychological trauma
AND a dating service? I have to say, qotw is rapidly exceeding its remit.
(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:36, closed)
take him up on it
While you still can
(I helped save b3ta! sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:40, closed)
That sounds quite threatening

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 14:42, closed)
But
strangely tempting right?
(bROKEN aRROW PUA HVI Master, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 16:27, closed)
Nothing strange about it
how else do you think babies are made?
(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sat 27 Nov 2010, 13:14, closed)
Needs more
"some kid burned my neck. I didn't like that."
(I helped save b3ta! Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 15:11, closed)
What, no bumming?

(Vinnie Strokes Got bummed on, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 16:11, closed)
*bums*

(I helped save b3ta! wotofco pissing in your swimming pool, Sun 28 Nov 2010, 15:51, closed)
Hang on a second, none of this true. Why don't you just rape my life you fucker?

(I helped save b3ta! Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 26 Nov 2010, 19:18, closed)
You'd better be careful or Badger will put you in the archive

(I helped save b3ta! Major Turd for tonight only, Fri 26 Nov 2010, 21:02, closed)

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