To the waiter
in the Oriel brasserie, Sloane Square. Circa 1997.

It wasn't me that knocked the bottle of St Emillion over on the table, making you have to move everything off the table, change the linen, put everything back and mop the floor.

It was the girl I was having lunch with. She was one of our brokers, we were meeting to discuss business. I was fingering her under the table, and she knocked the bottle over when she came.

Sorry.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 19:39, 33 replies)

Classic lies.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 9 Sep 2014, 19:43, closed)

I'm surprised RabidRodent hasn't posted about the time his date was interrupted by a copper

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 9 Sep 2014, 20:27, closed)

haha

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 21:13, closed)

excellent pictures here
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 19:46, closed)

One of the best threads ever.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 9 Sep 2014, 19:49, closed)

classic Friz

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 19:52, closed)

One of the rare times he was genuinely funny, rather than trying to be funny.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 19:58, closed)

at least he didn't rape underage girls

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 20:01, closed)

One of the best threads, ever.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 21:36, closed)

I used to love that place
It's a fancy French restaurant now. I was driving and vegetarian and all they do is a toasted cheese sandwich for veggies. my friends had oysters and steak tartare and 2 bottles of red. Then we split the bill evenly (that might sound stupid but with friends you see regularly these things even out I reckon, and who wants to be the cunt fishing out a calculator? Not me). Most. Expensive. Cheese. Sandwich. Ever.

and they both got noro from the oysters. What do you expect, those things feed on shit.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 21:43, closed)

For the record, I am not a broker

( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 21:43, closed)

You paid extra for a noro-free sandwich.

( .Yeti., Tue 9 Sep 2014, 21:53, closed)

And a good fingering.

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 9 Sep 2014, 21:54, closed)

And some Vanish strain remover.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 22:01, closed)

Hullo, French polishers?
It's just possible you could save my life.
( .Yeti., Tue 9 Sep 2014, 22:03, closed)

still one of the greatest adverts and worst haircuts in television history

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 22:06, closed)

An entire movie in about 40 seconds
Brilliant!
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 13:31, closed)

'French polish' is a euphemism for a fingering, right?

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Tue 9 Sep 2014, 22:07, closed)

It was....seepage.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:21, closed)

you could always upgrade to friends who can do basic arithmetic without a calculator

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 21:55, closed)

Sorry, not interested
Try someone your own age?
( rachelswipe with a fork, Tue 9 Sep 2014, 22:29, closed)

my friends have all been able to do basic arithmetic since they were at primary school
I doubt yours are suddenly going to grasp it now
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 2:22, closed)

you say "all"
But you mean "both"
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:41, closed)

Or even better...
Who don't feed on shit.
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 8:34, closed)

hey ... some of my best friends are shit eaters

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 8:45, closed)

I was reading about 'pig toilets' yesterday.
Now what if one day the owner decides to eat the pig?
( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 8:47, closed)

that's pretty much how we domesticated pigs
Mmmmm ... poo bacon.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 8:51, closed)

So glad I gave up meat years ago and now live exclusively on organic fruit and veg oh wait

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 8:58, closed)

Bring back the Pig Bins!

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 9:02, closed)

I think you're doing it wrong

(Baggenfrock get fucked, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 8:58, closed)

AND you had to meet him in a pub in Kensington.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 7:45, closed)

Are you bullying Swipey?
Carry on, that Badger.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:20, closed)

every time you are less than LOVELY
Ding dies
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 10 Sep 2014, 14:40, closed)