Precious.
For those who may have missed this one, it's about a young morbidly obese black girl living with her abusive mother and who has two babies already before her sixteenth birthday. Not exactly an uplifting little flick. I saw it with the missus.

Fast forward to dinner with her colleagues and some friends. The subject of movies comes up, and I express how much I hate Serious Movies With Important Social Messages, and used "Precious" as an example. I may as well have said that Mother Theresa was a useless old pile of wrinkles. The temperature dropped at least thirty degrees, though the men present agreed with me.

"Why would I want to watch a movie about that when I can go to Wal Mart and see it in person?"

I apparently offended every female present, though one of the guys bought me a beer for saying what all of us males were thinking. But that doesn't get me laid more, does it?...

I am still in deep yogurt for that.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 23 Sep 2010, 19:07, 12 replies)

i'd have agreed with you
i don't watch films to have morals shoved down my throat
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 19:19, closed)

Yeah. Morals. Fuckin' mushrooms...

That's why I don't watch much porn. I don't like to have a cock shoved down my throat. Being male, and candidate for "rugged heterosexual geek of the month" it should be no surprise that I'd rather be the shover than the shovee. It sure isn't to me, though it has been to the women in my life from time to time.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 19:29, closed)

pfff
i don't watch porn because i find it to be quite silly
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 19:44, closed)

"But the women are naked..." © Tony, Men Behaving Badly.

I have to agree. Unless I'm needing a little, um, visual encouragement, to help me along. Not that I need it, I hasten to add. I once went for a wank-in-a-cup sperm test - far easier, quicker and less intrusive to test the male when you're having trouble inseminating the missus. The only, um, "extraction room" was occupied (and guarded by a lovely but rather strict nurse, coyly grinning at the cheesy 1970s porn music escaping through the door.)

So I found myself a lockable solo bathroom and went to work. On balance, carrying a copy of "Bay Area Parent" may have left a less than sterling impression with those who knew what I was doing. 5 minutes later and a warm cupful in a paper bag, I was ready to leave.

But wait. Why am I feeling a little unhappy? My medical insurance was quite expensive at the time, and I'd been looking forward to my time in the "special" room, where I'd imagined a little hatch would open, and into which I would insert myself. A few minutes of tugging and there would be a little Vietnamese lady, sperm at the corner of her mouth, saying "fang you - results in free days", before spitting in a cup and closing the hatch.

The truth was far more mundane. I jerked into a cup, pants round my ankles, inappropriate reading matter on the cistern. Hardly worth leaving home for.

Length. Just a few minutes, and still there were two off-putting rattles of the door handle.
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Thu 23 Sep 2010, 20:05, closed)

still
at least you got to have a legitimate wank
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 15:28, closed)

Aren't they all legitimate?

Even the crafty ones on the old Bedford to Bletchley train (closed carriages and that oh-so-sexy rocking of the train...)
(Large Hardon Collider Bah Bloody Humbug, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 8:19, closed)

...

( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 23 Sep 2010, 21:14, closed)

redex
EDIT: ah, now i see it
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 15:29, closed)

Mother Teresa was a sadistic old bitch who liked to watch other people die in excruciating pain for the sake of her own principles.
This isn't a directly relevant response to your post, but it had to be said.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 1:09, closed)

Thankyou
thankyou for putting this.
(kitescreech still here, Sat 25 Sep 2010, 13:08, closed)

If it doesn't have:
a: at least one car chase,
b: guns,
c: spaceships,
d: explosions,
e: at least one pub-quotable line,
f: all of the above,

...it isn't worth watching. My missus can watch any number of thoughtful poignant films, or Twilight, just as long as I can play Left4Dead2 with headphones on in another room.
( Smallbrainfield, Fri 24 Sep 2010, 15:30, closed)

just had to say
that there are some chicks out there that agree with you. i will watch comedies, sci fi, comic book movies, and action movies until there's no tomorrow, but i refuse to do the depressing stuff. frankly, i don't need the help; i can get depressed on my own.
(fai is rocking khaz modan server as of, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 21:08, closed)