Soooo many
#1 First girlfriend. Finished last exam of high school that day, got drunk in a park. Mate's bushpig brought along her friend, who was fit as. Made out with her. Got back to mine. She asked to sleep head to toe. But first we need a shower.

Being 18, I was slightly pudgy. So I left the lights off. Showering, with a fit bird with large knockers, in the dark, trying to get the water temperature right, while she is playing with my knob.

Fail

Get out, dry off. Get into bed. All over each other. She bites a chunk out of my neck in the throes of passion. She says if I want anything. I WANT SEX. She is on her rags though. I stick it in but it hurts. She asks if I want a blow job instead. I decline and sleep.

Thats how I lost my virginity.

It could've been with a shy timid girl i'd been dating who I could've slammed the bejesus out of willy nilly. Seeing as I was a scumbag, we finished up after I got back from my cruise to Vanuatu

Where the fittest girl on the boat asked me to come down to her cabin to get something. I go to the bathroom, I come out, she is on the bed. 'Please don't let me fall asleep'

I lay down next to her and she starts kissing my neck. And massaging me. Finally she gives up with a 'sorry' and we go upstairs. This doesn't put off girl #2 who, at the final evening of the cruise and subsequent watching of the sunrise, says 'I think we could celebrate this somewhere else...' to which I reply 'Nah. You don't get to see a site like this everyday'

So many an opening I have missed, including this super hot Portugese lass I met at a rave, then met in the newtown. Took her to my place near the beach. Walked into my room to get something. She followed and shut my door. I said 'Want to get some food?' and walked out. We went to the festival and she went to dance. Instead of staying put, I thought i'd be cool and not 'hang around like other pussies would'. Queue text saying 'I came back and you weren't there'. Queue epic face palm.

Not as epic nor as sad as when I walked a girl home with whom I shared a heated boogie on the dance floor with. 'My friends think I'm the biggest slut' and 'Want to come upstairs' didn't register in my mind the meaning that was conveyed on the sly.

But in the end, pussy is pussy.

And my reward for not being on top of my game when I should've been...4 and a half years of 'How do you want me? I'll do anything you want' with one of the fittest birds I've ever had the pleasure of meeting in my life.
(lemonadegame, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 4:48, 13 replies)

Good for you, man. Good for you.
...whatever the hell you're trying to communicate here. I've read this three times and don't even know if you succeeded or failed at any of your indeterminate number of attempts to put it in some slapper.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:11, closed)

lol
^this
( industrial_bunny, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 11:44, closed)

haha
my thoughts exactly
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:07, closed)

This x infinity

( Bamboo Steamer, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 13:39, closed)

I agree with you. It's verging on absolutely ridiculous.

Kudos for use of VANUATU though.
(Chopsey, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 18:42, closed)

All wimmen mentioned
Except for the first and last one had given me an opening but I fffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu'ed it up.
(lemonadegame, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 23:05, closed)

"pussy is pussy."
You sound like a delightful young man.
( rofl harris, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 12:23, closed)

She was on her rags though

( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:35, closed)

Ah, well obviously I stand corrected

( rofl harris, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:36, closed)

You forgot the bit where you did MASSIVE coke off their MASSIVE tits

( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 14:47, closed)

Oh, and
i + a
/obviously
( Geoff the Clownfish You know Myra, some people might think you're cute, Mon 27 Sep 2010, 15:03, closed)

!!
I wanna meet the fittest girl on the boat! Where's that dude that does the cartoons?
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 11:52, closed)

You mean Friz?

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Tue 28 Sep 2010, 14:19, closed)