Desperate TimesStranded in a hotel in an African war zone with no internet access for two weeks, I was forced to resort to desperate measures. Possessing only my passport and the clothes I stood up in; and the warning "You can catch it shaking hands with a vicar out there" ringing in my ears, I had to draw my own porn in order to preserve my sanity.
Alas, it all came out looking like Coronation Street's Audrey Roberts, but, as they say, any port in a storm.
What have you done in times of great desperation?
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 15 Nov 2007, 10:10)
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Carpet troubleOnce when I was single, I picked up a nice girl one night out. She was a student. Anyway, she accompanied me back home and as I opened the door, she pushed past me, raced upstairs and started slamming doors, she then ran downstairs again, in tears and pissed all over her carpet. I told her where the toilet was and she ran off.
Being a gentleman that I am, I laundered her clothes whilst she had a bath.
I'll pass the time, thought I, and do a bit of research on t'interwebnet on how to get the carpet clean, hoping to clean it up before she got out, but she caught me.
She left sharpish and I thought fuck it, I'll go hire a carpet shampooer tomorrow, and went to bed.
Early the next morning, my Gran arrived. She's getting on, and doesn't have as many marbles as she used to, but she's a lovely old dear all the same.
I went through to make her a cup of tea. I tend to only drink fruit juice at home and the occasional beer and the only reason I bought the kettle was so my Gran could have a cuppa when she came round.
I came back through into the living room, and my Gran was on her knees scrubbing the carpet with her hankie with a guilty look on her face. She was under the impression she had had an accident on the carpet and was trying to clean it up before I noticed.
I tried telling her, but she wouldn't listen.
A couple of days later, a bloke turned up with a new carpet. It turns out my Gran in a fit of crippling guilt had sold her wedding and engagement rings, and didn't pay her gas bill so she could afford to buy me a new carpet.
The social services found her in a bad way and now she's in a home. The only way the nursing staff would let me in to see her was if I bribed them. So I donated them my kettle, not like I'd use it anyway.
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Not really.
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sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 11:08,
5 replies)
Yeah..I did not get that chick's story. She pissed herself and it was somehow his fault because it was his house?
Personally I would have been mortified and offering to clean it, but clearly the more appropriate response is rage. Actually, if I'm talking about me personally, I wouldn't have pissed myself in the first place...
(, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 16:08, closed)
The original......poster made me think "why not ask where the loo is ?"
good answer
/click
(, Sun 18 Nov 2007, 20:12, closed)
Excellent retortclick
(, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 11:35, closed)
granny in the poor houselove it!!!
if this was you..( southerly suburb of manchester about 1995?).
I sincerely apologise....you were a very kind man..and I realise I was out of order...but I was SOOO embarrassed and distressed at the time.
oh....and sorry for blanking you whenever we passed in the street
if it wasn't you......great reply....nearly pissed myself laughing reading it!!!
my carpet nearly got a sprinkling!!!
(, Mon 19 Nov 2007, 20:47, closed)
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