sex
in my red high heels was amazing, i beg to differ with the qotw.

oral sex, however.... get it right and of course it's amazing. get it wrong and you get first sleepy, then bored, then irritated, then chafed, then finally give in and fake it.

and don't get me started on doggy. frankly, it just hurts quite a lot of the time.

is this just me?!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:34, 21 replies)

think it's just you
however, I pride myself on my oral skills; my girlfriend seems* to be able to cum in any position,

and I look great in heels


*she's not faking it, if she's not into it she tells me
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:36, closed)

not really
I used to feel the same way, but mr vitamin c is rather wonderful, so I've been converted.

oral sex has always rather grossed me out though.
( ascorbate, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:36, closed)

Well
I personally prefer knee length boots to high heels, and that was great fun.

But the Doggy comment might just be you.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:38, closed)

It is just you.
As I've never trusted anyone with that till recently, I can say it's opened my eyes, (pun intended), to taking the back door. With oral sex I just get lonely if their down there too long.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:41, closed)

@BGB
you don't have to use the back door to do it doggy style you know!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:43, closed)

Damn!
I think you've been lead up the garden path, so to speak, BGB...
( Cawl, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:46, closed)

^^ I am aware of this small fact Al.
*blows raspberry* but why would doing it doggy style up the baby chute hurt if done this way.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:52, closed)

I dunno BGB
lets turn the question to Miss 'Swipe.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:53, closed)

oral is rank
however, i have slightly larger than normal front teeth, which are wickedly sharp. no man EVER asks me for oral twice.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:57, closed)

*Waits*
*looks at watch*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 26 Jun 2008, 15:58, closed)

well......
if you're too big, it hurts. i've got a mimsy like a 6 year old nun and it's just bloody painful! and if you're too small, it slips out all the time and it's really fucking annoying.

of course, like goldilocks, if it's just the right size.... *fantasises*
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:01, closed)

bear rape?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:09, closed)

It could also slip out.
If your boyfriend has turned you on so much your wetter than a British summer.
( girlinthehole, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:09, closed)

A 6 year old nun?
Let me check my DVD collection...

.....

Nope sorry - you'll need to tell us about that.
(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:10, closed)

^^
I like that BGB,

I will use that the next time my gf complains about me slipping out.
( Stu71 ....bad money dies, I love the scene, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:11, closed)

As I am male, I can't answer directly.
I can, however, say that the porn industry has distorted a lot about sex.

A three way is only good if you have two people concentrating hard on pleasuring the third person, and even that might not work out well. For me, it was just awkward and weird and distracting to have the third person in there. I liked the way Grace Slick put it- "I just don't multitask well."
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 26 Jun 2008, 16:56, closed)

*makes a note about heels for the next time she goes to see Mr Maladicta*
You're right about doggy to a degree, though I do think it depends on the guy as well - if it's too big or they've not done as much to get you in the mood as you'd like, it fucking hurts! (and I sympathise on the 6 year old nun comment)

Oral, in my experience, is resoundingly ... meh. I have more fun doing it than I do getting it.
( Maladicta, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 20:21, closed)

Cervix
There is nothing fun about someone trying to force something large through your cervix. In ANY direction. Like reverse birth. If it's too long, and you're doing it too hard, doggy style fucking hurts.

If it's not too long, it's bloody brilliant though. ;)

And I agree with you re oral sex, if it's good, it's great, if it's shit then just MEH.
(Clarabelle is reverting to type on, Thu 26 Jun 2008, 23:27, closed)

Not bragging, honest, but
I think I've discovered why I'm still with Mrs G after 20+ years. She loves oral but prefers the magic finger - and I've got pretty damned good over the years, gives amazing blow jobs (sadly not as often these days, sigh) and likes it from behind too.

Guess it makes up for quite a lot of the shit in our lives. Don't worry, I'm far from smug: we have no social life, rarely see any family and our daughter's now moving down South having bled us dry over the past two decades. I have the salary of a man half my age and job satisfaction is virtually non-existant. The only thing I've got plenty of now is debt.
(Che Grimsdale Best before:, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 13:52, closed)

There are times...
when I am ashamed for us chaps.

To hear a lady say that she gets bored or sleepy with a fellow nuzzled between her thighs saddens me.

Please, girls/ladies/women/slappers, if we've missed the spot call out, "left a bit, right a bit, Oh yes, just there..." Or guide the poor misguided loon to the places where you want a little attention...

Guys, learn things.
Here's a pair of secrets for you all. May make no damn difference, but for me they work well.
When drinking from the furry cup, don't laser straight in for the poor girl's clit. Appraoach, then veer away, approach, away. Sidle up to it as though stalking a shy* kitten. Kittens must be coaxed out from under their blankets with a little teasing, then stroked softly and gently. Not bashed repeatedly over the head with a rubber truncheon.
Then, once the little pink beasty pokes its nose out ready to play, pay great attention to your pacing. If you can find a pulse point on your lady's thigh** rest a finger or two there, stroke in time to her pulse. If you're even close to making her smile her pulse rate will gradually increase, stay with it. If she's bored, sleepy or irritated it will drop, try something else.

If all else fails, hey, and even if it doesn't. Ask, using the words and the speaking, you may even learn something new.

*Also, pink and hairless, rotten metaphor, but what else have you left me with, B3ta ? What ELSE!
**If you can't it may be that the wench is dead, take action accordingly
( DukeEuphoria Comes highly reccomended, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 13:32, closed)

Nah not just you
If your bloke is any larger than the alleged National Average then it does usually hurt, you can almost feel it hitting the back of your throat from the wrong direction. And I'm always suspicious that my bloke is doing the cowboy lasso-arm waving thing because he knows I can't see him.
( Kitty v1.0 desperately naive, Mon 30 Jun 2008, 14:42, closed)