friends
growing up and getting married and having babies and becoming very patronising and boring in their suddenly advanced middle age. going out once a month and then only with other couples is sooooo tedious.

for god's sake, you're 30. choosing curtains and pruning petunias is what your 50's are for. and frankly, i'm not sure i'll spend my 50's doing that, either.

not criticising marriage or kids, i should say, just the lameasses who give up everything else instead of finding a happy medium...
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 12:18, 15 replies)

I found a happy medium
she told me the future was looking pretty good





sorry

I know what you mean though. one of my main ambitions in life is to carry on seeing as many of my good friends as possible, as often as possible.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 12:21, closed)

Be patient
In a few years when the smug coupleness/new child thing has worn thin they will all be wanting to come out and play again.
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 12:23, closed)

I'm never having kids.
Don't want them, don't want to spend my money on them. I am fucking determined to carry on having some kind of life well into my thirties. All kids and a mortgage do is stop you from being able to go travelling in Peru, or build track cars in order to go on a trip to the Nurburgring.

Bollocks to the patronising twats who suddenly think they know all the answers to life merely because they've somehow managed to pop out a mewling, red-faced snotty little rodent. Even amoeba are capable of propogation, I don't give them any extra respect for it, same goes for new parents.

/rant
( Kroney, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 12:27, closed)

Kroney
I'm with you there. Mrs Vipros and I have decided against having them. I've got a mortgage already, and it's huge. manageable, but huge.

my main concern is that kids would get their grubby mitts all over my guitars....

seriously though, I have a number of reasons not least of which is that I just don't think I'd be any good at it. I'm pretty jolly and easy-going, but I'm the most impatient bastard in the world.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 12:31, closed)

Not wanting to be a smug parent
But seriously, it's worth it. It's always possible to tot up the reasons not to have children - you'll always be financially better off without them, not to mention time, emotional baggage, exhaustion etc. But it's impossible to factor into the equation the fact that you love them. You can't calculate that as a value.
The nearest equivalent I can think of that you might be able to relate it to is having a pet. They cost you money, leave mess in the house and generally make your life more complicated, and all they give you back is a fucking *purr*. But goddamn it if that purr doesn't make it worth having them. Multiply that up a few hundred times and that's parenthood.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 12:42, closed)

@flatfrog
Thank God for you.

In about 4 weeks my ex (who hates me) will give birth to my daughter (I've no other children) and I've been struggling to muster up anything other than a blind panic about it.

I'm going to end up selling my house to pay the maintenance, so I could really do with some good news about it all.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 12:48, closed)

This is so bloody true
I have experienced this far too many times.

I've also been part of a smug couple but despite having children I've never done the smug couple with children with other smug couples with children...mainly because I had kids before they did.

It's the most boring and tedious way of life ever.

I've split up with two men over the whole desire to re-create what their parents have or had.

I don't want to be my parents or anyone else's parents. I can just about cope with being a grown-up who happens to have a pair of 10 year old boys in tow...and even then I'm not sure I'm always the grown-up.

Some people are just born middle-aged.

I want to carry on wearing unsuitable shoes, staying up late, drinking more than is good for me, riding a mountain bike, climbing things, telling rude jokes and generally enjoying myself.

I went on a school trip this week with the kids and received plenty of filthy looks when one of my boys mentioned I'd fallen off my mountain bike in Scotland.
Horror or horrors! I'd gone away WITHOUT the kids! I'd actually ENJOYED myself!

Boring old farts can be in their 20s as much as in their 50s.

Tossers the lot of them.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 12:49, closed)

@Monty
That's a horrible situation. If you were in a romcom, it'd all turn out so well, too.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 13:00, closed)

just "give up everything else" ...
.. maybe it's they have no spare time/ money/ energy to do "everything else".
(haberman is singing in the changes, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 13:01, closed)

I think your lucky if you find a partner with the same desire not to procreate.
It seems to me that there's a lot more women out there that want kids that don't.

I've been waiting all my life for the maternal desires to kick in and thankfully my eggs will be too manky to work now. (Touches wood, no not that wood).
( girlinthehole, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 13:08, closed)

@BGB
Despite really enjoying the time I spent with my ex's kids, taking them to the zoo, up to Scotland to see my local festival and even just walking the dog, I'm secretly hoping that all the fags and booze over the last 14 years has done enough to slow the wee spunky Keloids right down.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 13:11, closed)

well
only 1 of my friends has kids so far. it's more the ones who are shacking up and then give up doing ANYTHING other than slobbing around their lovenests that piss me off!

ffs, why don't they want to come out clubbing til 6am or just throw a pair of pants into a handbag and come to berlin for the weekend or spend a month's salary on a 5 star hotel or lounge around london on lazy sundays having long breakfasts and walks any more....... my younger brother is the worst. he used to be always up to stuff. now he and his new live in girlfriend just hold hands over the table and snog and never go out.... argh it makes me feel like i'm being suffocated just to look at them!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 13:14, closed)

Give them a chance
The first few years are so knackering, the idea of going out clubbing is just inconceivable. But it gets easier, especially if you have them young. I agree with comments above that people get into a weird puritan morality about it, and that's silly, but once they get to school age there's much less standing in your way.
But it's also just that the things from your old life seem less important. After all, let's face it, one of the main reasons to go out clubbing is to look for sex. You do get a sense of 'I've done that now', and they just don't seem interesting any more. Speaking just for me here (admittedly, I was never much of a clubber before)
(edit: just realised you're talking about years before children. None of the above comments apply...)
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 13:26, closed)

While I do worry that Mr Maladicta and I
are heading down this road ourselves, I see your point. I've lost friends in the past when they've shacked up with some guy and lost contact with all their friends from before they met him (Ellie, I'm looking at you) because their life is immeasurably better now. Fortunately, in this case, she learned the hard way when he finished with her and she realised she had no friends left. They'll come back once the novelty wears off.
( Maladicta, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 14:25, closed)

I wish I could click Chickenlady's reply
"I want to carry on wearing unsuitable shoes, staying up late, drinking more than is good for me, riding a mountain bike, climbing things, telling rude jokes and generally enjoying myself."

This!

I hate people who try and stereotype what people should be doing at a given age.
( mistaspakkaman and the inedible shifting caterpillars, Fri 27 Jun 2008, 23:33, closed)