My mate's mum
Used to work as a tea-lady at a public school for boys. As she went around each dorm, there would at any one time be at least 40% of the boys having a crafty tug. She was told that she should stop them. After all, if they have time to wank, they have time to study - studying leads to better grades making the school look good. She soom realised it wasn't right to stop them, because everybody knows that masturbating is one of the best things about being 15.
So, in a display of true altruism, she used to finish them off before leaving them their cup of tea and an extra biscuit providing they didn't leave any evidence.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:35, 17 replies)

Awesome mate's mummage
This reminds me of the probable urban legend relating to Japanese mothers wanking off their sons to ease exam stress. The internet says this might be true, so it's almost certainly 100% fact.
(impossibly witty twat No, YOUR Mum etc etc, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 11:48, closed)

Could you secure me an introduction?

( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 12:18, closed)

My mate's mum's dead, you insensitive bastard.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 12:21, closed)

'sif you've mates
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 12:25, closed)

Well - good point.
Not since I killed his mum, no.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 12:30, closed)

Mind you
she died of arthritis in her wrists and elbows.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 12:37, closed)

I've run out of biscuits, you insensitive bastard.

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 12:25, closed)

I used to have to
finish off myself, you insensitive cunt.
(username failed moderation, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 12:42, closed)

They spunked on the biscuit and destroyed the evidence internally?
(Benzyl, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 15:04, closed)

Don't you?
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 16:57, closed)

finger your fudge sir?

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 21:21, closed)

Most kind of you.

( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 22:08, closed)

dont forget to
tap it unwrap it

oh
erm
well this is a bit
you know
embarrassing
seems like i have got the wrong un
( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 22:45, closed)

On the contrary, sweetie.
There's nothing wrong about that'un.
( flake has nothing against your right leg, Tue 12 Jul 2011, 23:33, closed)

/\ cares /\

( fluffybunnykiller Is feasting on the clitoris of life, Thu 14 Jul 2011, 10:51, closed)

my mate's uncle
used to do the same thing in his all girl's school. He used to go around fingering the girls whether they liked it or not.
(trevorthecat, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 10:38, closed)

Hey look
It's a horse, lets flog it...
( Snollock Biffer I don't really sniff Bollocks, Wed 13 Jul 2011, 23:18, closed)