“What’s the worst that could happen?”
I replied, to EVERY single person a spoke to. Because every single person I spoke to asked the same question:

“Don’t you think it’s a bit soon?”

I met the girl just after my birthday at the beginning of June. We met in a bar and she was in a relationship at the time. She initiated the whole thing by discreetly slipping me her number. From that point it was all a whirlwind. Meeting up secretly in supermarket car parks etc.

About 2 weeks later she finished her chap and began a relationship with me. Now I had heard all the jokes about bunny boilers and always told myself that I would see the signs. The reality is that the really mental ones are so mental that they seem totally normal until one day they just pull the rug from under you and you end up in twelve pieces inside a bin liner.

And so it came to be that after 2 months together, I had booked a holiday with her. A whole week on the island of Kos. Just me and her. Departing on our 3 month ‘anniversary’

Digressing slightly, she had chronic asthma. One of her lungs had collapsed during a serious asthma attack and she apparently only had partial capacity in one lung. She had tablets to take every day, plus inhalers and a machine that connected to a mask that people in hospital have when they need oxygen. I don’t really have any knowledge of things medical, so I was a little concerned about what to do if she should have an attack whilst we are abroad. She explained that she would be bringing all the medical equipment so it was ok.

What got me worried was that within 2 hours of arriving she had decided to buy a pack of cigarettes and started smoking around 20 a day. I expressed my concerns and in her defence I suppose I did get on her case about it, but I’m sure you can appreciate my anxiety.

The first 3 days were great and I was completely head over heels in love.

The next morning after a night of heavy drinking and filthy sex, the love of my life and I went down to the pool to relax. It wasn’t long after that she began feeling ill. Going through her symptoms it was clear that she had sun stroke. I sent her off to bed and went out in search of water and lucozade – the internationally recognised cure for such an ailment.

I administered the treatment and decided to read a book on the balcony in case she needed anything. A few hours later she felt better, but seemed to be angry with me. “What the fuck have I done?” I politely enquired. “You’re smothering me, I need space” was the response.

And with that, she got dressed and went.

Rather than chase after her I decided to send a text, again enquiring as to what the fuck was going on. Her reply was basically that she had decided that she had made a mistake and she didn’t want to be with me. But that she wanted to stay friends.

At the time I blamed myself. And I was upset. I can’t explain what happened to me, but I genuinely believed that I was at fault. She had befriended some people who were working there over the summer. For the remaining 4 nights and 3 days my holiday followed the same pattern:

5am. Wake up to the sound of banging on my door. Open to let pissed up psycho in who promptly went to bed.

11am. Psycho wakes up, gets showered and goes out for the day. Regrettably, I was still trying to win her over, and spent the day by the pool or in my room.

7pm. Psycho comes back to room, gets showered, tarted up, and goes out for the night.

This continued until we left for the airport. She barely spoke 2 words to me all the way home. It was only once I had got back into my house that reality set in and I realised how angry I should have been.

In the end she got back with her ex, and then once she got bored began trying to get back with me, only to be told to go fuck herself.

Apols for length. The story is 100% true and it’s the 1st time I have ever shared it. The events above happened 3 years ago and I haven’t seen her in a year or so.
(Frample Tromwibbler climbs an obstacle like old people fuck, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 20:55, 21 replies)

I feel your pain
I have been out with a few sociopaths (maybe even psychopaths) and the one defining characteristic is how normal they seem early on. Until, as you say, the truth emerges. That said I have been out with a few people who seem like nutters but it's all a show and they are wonderfully normal underneath. Then again everyone's a bit mad and one person's madness is another person's sanity, so how are you ever to know? Life, eh. Ehhhhhhhhhhhh life.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 21:16, closed)

Have some toast,
you'll feel better.
(sarcastic fringehead feet of clay, buns of steel, head of lettuce, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 0:39, closed)

At least she got a holiday out of it.

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 21:20, closed)

Sounds like she had a fucking blast for the last few days.
The last time I could come home at 0500, sleep, go out at 1100, return for dinner and be out again by 1900 (and not be doing a swing-shift) was in & around my 20's.

This kinda gave the ending away to me -

in her defence I suppose I did get on her case about it, but I’m sure you can appreciate my anxiety.
& this

Regrettably, I was still trying to win her over, and spent the day by the pool or in my room.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Sun 6 Jan 2013, 6:15, closed)

could've been summed up with "went on holiday and got dumped"

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 22:46, closed)

Your redunctionist values have no place here, let the noble art of storytelling flourish.

(Elephant Balderdash attempting to bottle the absurd, Sat 5 Jan 2013, 23:19, closed)

If it's like that
This entire weeks answers could be
'got dumped'

Doesn't really make for good reading or an interesting QOTW
( Moonraker isn't the droid you were looking for, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 12:08, closed)

you're right, this is the worst qotw ever.

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 15:05, closed)

this qotw
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 16:45, closed)

I went on holiday with my girlfriend a month after meeting her. Fortunately she wasn't mental and we had a great time.
Hope this helps.
( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 1:56, closed)

My missus moved in with me after about a month.
We're clearly meeting the wrong sort of women.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 9:32, closed)

how long was it before your "wife" stopped scratching at the cellar door?

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 13:52, closed)

Is this a pokeybumwank joke?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 14:01, closed)

Not at all.
although perhaps it could be retrofitted to become one if you Iike.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 14:10, closed)

Is THIS a pokeybumwank joke?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 14:43, closed)

Yes, yes alright
This is THE pokeybumwankjoke.
I hope you're satisfied.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 16:33, closed)

I'm always satisfied with a pokey bumwank.
All hail the prostrate gland! Lord of the jizz! Emperor of grunty orgasms!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 16:44, closed)

Right on!
Tickle where it works.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 23:08, closed)

Fascinating insights.
Have you considered not being a pathetic shitcunt with absolutely no appeal to the opposite sex?
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 9:21, closed)

I casually refer to chicks like that as having "borderline personality disorder", but I only skimmed the DSM once and I was mainly looking for jokes about autism.

(Elephant Balderdash attempting to bottle the absurd, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 11:21, closed)

I've been on holiday too.
It was nice though.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Sun 6 Jan 2013, 14:12, closed)