I've had loads of narrow escapes.
I avoided being killed on 7/7 by the mere fluke of having been nowhere near London at the time, with neither any reason nor desire to be. Had I wanted to be, and had I actually acted on that desire, and had I caught one of the tube trains that blew up, and chosen the wrong carriage, and sat near the bomb... well, I'd've possibly definitely been a gonner.

Exactly the same applies to the Eniskillen and Omagh bombs. It was only being nowhere near them that saved me.

I avoided being hurt when the Herald of Free Enterprise capsised only by virtue of not having been on board at the time.

Come to think of it, I only just escaped being press-ganged into the Royal Navy and losing my life during the Battle of the Nile: had I been born only a couple of centuries sooner, and in a different part of the country, I dread to think what might have happened.

Oh, and this one time, I was snorting MASSIVE DRUGS from the naked flesh of my supermodel girlfriend when she was run over in the head by a flaming Honda Accord. Needless to say, I had the last laugh.

It's scary, really.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 15:54, 11 replies)

I'm glad you did this.
My sentiments exactly.
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 15:55, closed)

Hahahahahahaha
I like ruining people's fun and opinining strongly and cynically to bring things down to my level too, as it's easier than actually doing anything constructive.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 15:57, closed)

Sorry it took me so long to respond to this reply.
I was narrowly avoiding being hit by a meteor at the time.
(Star Wars Starwarsy McStarwars Face, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 16:05, closed)

my grandad survived the war and everyone called him Lucky
one day, decades later, a meteor missed his shoulder by inches

hit him on the head and killed him
( writerblock ... embedding disabled by request on, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 19:22, closed)

I crossed the road at lunchtime
and like a MINUTE later a car came past.
Lucky or what?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 16:09, closed)

Phew
You were lucky!!!

I wouldn't go out your door, if I were you.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 16:46, closed)

There is being a cunt, and there is being a prick.
I would wager you're the latter.
( jim_bob can herd cats., Thu 19 Aug 2010, 16:54, closed)

I actually found this quite funny
because of how silly it was.

You were soooo close to getting a click...

And then you had to fall back on the awful, old, unfunny, pathetic, sad cliches that have been dead for longer than they were alive.

Shame, really.
( the pink chicken sniffer sniffs pink chickens., Thu 19 Aug 2010, 17:17, closed)

This.
If you hadn't resorted to that shite it would have been quite good. Would it have been so hard to write about your narrow escape from e.g. the Black Death? To bridge the gap between 'jovially taking the piss' and 'being a snide mean-spirited little trouser-weasel'?
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Thu 19 Aug 2010, 19:25, closed)

I had to click you
For the phrase 'being a snide mean-spirited little trouser-weasel'. I intend to steal it without shame.
(IChewCandlewax, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 11:42, closed)

Feel free.
I retain the rights to 'wanking oneself down to a a double-digit IQ' though.
(Falstaff's Spiritual Successor, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 14:41, closed)