chocolate starfish
I once managed to fit 76 pence in change and 3 matchsticks up a drunken friends barking spider after they fell asleep.

3x20p
3x5p
1x1p

Can anyone beat this?
(magic the cat will someone please think of the kittens, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:12, 6 replies)

beat it?
I don't even want to READ it

/admires your tenacity in the face of overwhelming Ewwwww.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:14, closed)

better or worse?
I managed to get my cock up someone's arse. They didn't remember the next day.

Remember: Say NO! to the DNA database.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:17, closed)

I got a five pound note up mine
I thought it would come out as something smaller but it refused to leave.


Three days later and there was still no change.


/sorry. Someone had to make this joke.
(Prof. Moriarty put his foot in it on, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:21, closed)

I think I can.
The problem with restaurants in college towns is that they're staffed by people who are struggling to get through school, working 60 hours a week at three different part-time jobs just trying to get by. Meanwhile, the customers are all people who can afford to eat in restaurants - the kind who only take the silver spoons out of their mouths to tell you how much better than you they are. This leads to some rather unnatural natural consequences.

If you're partial to pizza ...

... you should probably skip the rest.

Spitting on food is one thing - well, one of the things that happens all the time - but we could get pretty inventive, especially this Cuban named "Toker." (We assumed it was a nickname - but a few years later, working as a bouncer, I got to see his ID.) Toker used to carry several sticks of pepperoni into the lavatory - it was one of those "don't ask" situations, but he went ahead and told us anyway. He claimed he could accommodate an entire onion ...

... though none of us was willing to bet.

There was one time when I lost five dollars to Toker when he bet me that Rugby players couldn't tell the difference between anchovies and semen, and I had the giggles for almost two weeks after we got a delivery order from the Kappa Alpha house asking for our "special salty sauce." There are days when I almost miss the time I spent in that sub-minimum-wage job - not many, but a few - and it certainly was an education.

Now, I'm well aware why Feta cheese smells that way.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Wed 30 Jul 2008, 21:29, closed)

barking spider? 8^D
that deserves a click my friend.
(Dan dan dan They tik urh jerbs!!!, Wed 30 Jul 2008, 22:26, closed)

Coc Star
I find messages like these rather fruity and gay. Isn't it about time you came out of the closet?
(Jimmyinnz was sprung at work on b3ta on, Thu 31 Jul 2008, 4:47, closed)