Hillside Halls of Residence
When I was at University, for the first year I lived in halls on campus - Hillside in Dundee if you insist. The buildings were identical – toilets, kitchen and showers in a block and (from memory) 9 bedrooms on either side of a long corridor. The campus was split male female with a strict ‘no overnight visitors of the opposite sex’ rule that was of course roundly ignored. One fateful Sunday night, heading back up from Glasgow on the glamour wagon that was the late night Stagecoach, I found myself next to an attractive, curvaceous and very friendly redhead, let’s call her Pauline for that was indeed her name. We got chatting and it quickly transpired we lived on the same campus. The poor lass must have been missing a screw or two or simply felt sorry for me because, well basically by the time we got to Perth I was most definitely ‘in’. When we finally rocked up at her halls I noted how much they differed from my own, the layout and furnishings were absolutely identical yet the place didn’t smell of blokes, weed and overflowing bins. The kitchen and toilets were also remarkably clean however my new bestest friend seemed keen to usher me swiftly past all this to her room at the end of the corridor. Presumably before we were spotted by wandering hall mates. Basically i was being sneaked in. The girly, fragrant Pauline had delightfully fresh bed linen, another novelty – which we duly set about doing our best to sully.

I woke some time around 3am needing a piss. Pauline it seemed was a heavy sleeper and did not stir. No worries I knew my way around. Whether I was being a bit daring, blasé or simply foolhardy I have no idea, but in my infinite wisdom I decided to step out into the dark empty corridor and pad along to the toilets stark bollock naked. On my way back the inevitable happened, a door clicked in front of me, a girl in pyjamas stepped out, saw me, froze, then screamed, leapt back into her room and slammed her door loudly. So, in true pantomime farce style more doors were flung open behind me, more screams, lights were switched on, hysteria set in, threats were made, all whilst I’m standing there butt naked, trapped in the middle of a corridor of screaming girls in assorted nightwear, stammering that it was ok, I wasn’t some pervert intruder I was in fact there with…

Shit. I had forgotten her fucking name.

Have you ever tried to describe a person you barely know whilst naked and being ranted at by half a dozen irate young women? It's a bit stressful. For all the sense I was making, I might as well have been Manuel spluttering 'I here to see girl'.

Naturally this didn’t go down well and more cries of ‘pervert’ and ‘call the police’ were going up. All the while I’m standing there cupping my now pathetically shriveled meat and two whilst pointing frantically over the shoulders of a pair of seething first years towards the door of the girl who I claim to be a guest of, yet cannot even remember her bastard name.

After about 300 years she-who-was-remaining-resolutely-nameless stumbled out of her room, bleary eyed, blinking at the unfolding commotion. Not only did I have to suffer the shame of outing the poor girl as being somewhat easy I then had to explain after sitting next to her on a bus for a couple of hours, working my feeble charm then exploring her most intimate orifices I didn’t even have the gallantry to remember her fucking name.

The relationship did not flourish.

tl:dr charmless Muppet gets caught naked in a girls dormitory at 3am and isn’t even the 13th Duke of Wybourne
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:08, 12 replies)

went for a nose
www.thecourier.co.uk/news/local/dundee/universities-seeking-in-excess-of-3-2m-for-derelict-hillside-halls-of-residence-1.38996

*sadface*
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:09, closed)

Clickity
click click click clickory.
( dazbrilliantwhites has been meaning to change this..., Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:20, closed)

Splendid stuff.

( Pig Bodine., Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:30, closed)

*applauds and clicks*

Glad I came back to lurk for a bit so I could see this.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:34, closed)

Hurrah!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 14:37, closed)

Roses are red,
Violets are blue.
All my click
Are belong to you.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 15:08, closed)

ftw

(justin(e), Mon 12 Aug 2013, 16:47, closed)

Brilliant.

( Slippery Mick ‏, Mon 12 Aug 2013, 18:40, closed)

This to win
clickety clackety
(McChinaman banned, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 10:12, closed)

excellent have a click

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 10:57, closed)

Winnar
*click*
(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 18:18, closed)

Shouldn't there be some keyboard warriors here by now
To tell me my life doesn't exist and no one has ever actually had intercourse?
( spimf ™ is whoever you want him to be, Thu 15 Aug 2013, 1:08, closed)