Not a funny one sorry
I have for the last few years prentended i am a happy go lucky guy who takes everything with a pinch of salt and nothing bothers me.

In fact i am not, i am a paranoid delusional fucker who cant cope with my childhood and losing my brother last september. I have a good job in a high pressure enviroment (sales) and before that was a chef (another high pressure enviroment.

I think im called a functioning alchoholic as i can go all day without a drink but then down copious amounts of vodka in the evening and wake up angry and the cycle starts again (nobody at work knows this).

I pretend to be happy and have an active social life but always hang out with my mash head friends, again pretending to be a happy party goer but like the clown, always crying inside.

I pretend i am the bees knees to the ladies and they like it but inside i am a child railing against the system and the broken dreams promised to a tv generation.

I see my folks still at war but trying to hide it from me and pretend we are one big happy family even though when ive poped back for the odd night they are not even sleeping in the same room.

I pretend i havnt got any children, but i have a boy in australia who i cant find and every birthday and christmas i die a little more inside.

I go to pubs and clubs with mates and "ave a laugh" but i dont really find the inaneness of it all funny i just want to smash things, i'm bored of it.

I would carry on but the drink is calling.
( Trollman, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 17:48, 12 replies)

Shite
You need a big ol' manhug
(Freddles, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 18:02, closed)

What you need friend.
Is counselling.

Bite the bullet, remind yourself real men know when to ask for help. Get to the doctors and get on the waiting list.


Good luck.
( girlinthehole, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 18:24, closed)

This place
is cathartic...
( Trollman, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 18:46, closed)

...but not cathartic enough
Get yourself to the doctor mate, the waiting lists are as little as 4 weeks in some areas.

Manhugs.
(quantum raspberry quizzically quashing Quebecans, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 18:52, closed)

Girl-hugs, complete with tits
^ What they said. You need proper professional help mate. Speaking from experience, I have "self-medicated" with booze for 20+ years. The penny is finally beginning to drop that alcohol is a depressant - the last thing a depressive needs. (Still do it though.)

Please be honest with your GP and accept whatever help is available.

*more hugs*
( Tourette's ( . )( . ) has a monkey hair in her fried egg, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 19:20, closed)

blimey - i've been there and got out of it...
luckily i can still have a drink when i want not when the drink would like me to...

if you have private medical care at your workplace then consider asking for a referral from your GP but above all else get help

i'd send more hugs - but i think you have enough already.

take care
(dkintheuk, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 19:35, closed)

it's quite odd reading this
everything but the bit about having children sounds like you're describing me.
(Ellis, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 22:47, closed)

admittance is the first step, now go for the second. get the help you need mate

i am. i go to my local priory next week. i feel the most violent urges at times, when i get ever so slightly annoyed. if someone shat on my bed i'd ask why, and be annoyed, yet i wouldnt kill them or anything, or even lose my rag. its the little things that get me. petty annoyances.

however if someone coughs without putting their hands over their mouth i want to stab them hard and eat their fucking face off. and just cut them open. i know this is wrong. i've been like this for months and i hate myself for it. but i am taking steps to avoid all that by seeking pshychiatric help asap. as i have lost friends through my temper.

you mate, need help. and its such a positive thing. i cant wait. i'm getting fixed, i'm gonna be thinking normally again in a while.

think of yourself, and get fixed mate. all the best

MAAAAAAAAAAN HUUUUUUUG x
(mr kyle he's a silly bastard, the one who posted before me, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 23:08, closed)

*girlhugs*
b3ta is indeed cathartic, but I agree with everyone else here; get yourself some professional help. It works wonders, trust me :) keep us posted.
( Maladicta, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 0:55, closed)

*girlhugs* from me too
Everyone above already posted the best advice: talk to a Counselor.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Tue 15 Jul 2008, 2:17, closed)

If you dont want to do counselling,
taking up a martial sport also helps. Hitting stuff fixes everything. Hitting people even better *




*They also hit back
(bazmorningstar efil4nat3b, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 10:13, closed)

I will
try it i just always associated counselling with being weak or mentally ill.

But if it gets me out of this headfuck then it's well worth it.

Cheers you guys *huggs*
( Trollman, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 15:49, closed)