Denim dresses
... you know, the one piece, zip all the way up front, denim dresses. I had a bird once that had a body like a princess, hourglass and all, and had one of these dresses. One night, we were out in my onion (well, 'twas before midnight so it was still a chariot) and she asked me to pull over and park the thing.

Just as some background, I was a pimple faced little bugger, randy as hell, and had just started being the envy of all my class mates since she was considered as being unreachable to all of us simple minions. Nay, this deity was off limits to all us petty mortals. May a curse be cast over anyone who would dare even think, lest alone approach, of doing anything to this heavenly being.

Being a dark and stormy night, we pulled over, got somewhat confortable (snogging was allowed, anything else was only a wet dream..), when all of a sudden, she starts teasing, lowering the zipper, slowly, excruciatingly, stopping mid way between her breasts..looking at me with this mischevious little smile and asking me how I felt in her angelical girlish little soprano voice, to which I responded to with a baritone/tenor grunt, slurp and 'hurr, scrumpf, bluaaad' stupor.

She carried on drawing the zipper, lowering it 'til she had revealed her pair of smooth, firm pears, with her cherry picked nipples pointing straight at me, invitingly, as if they were parched and required refresing...

After complying with my heavenly princess' tits whim, she carried on drawing, not allowing a meat handed mortal bumble around her holy veil, down, down, until I was able to see, only just, the vestige of her nubile womanhood, uncovered, naked, sans réticents, darkly shaded against her olive skin, beckoning towards me, akin to the fabled Medusa, whose pubis sporting a modest amount of hair, laid down, invitingly as if 'twas a wooly carpet summoning the entrance to a prémiére...

Further on, down, down, followed the zipper its inexorable path, towards its Shangri-La, its Olympus, its Heaven, its Asgard, until the dress opened apart, like a silken cloth, like the Red Sea opening before Moses' wishes, and I had my angel before me, just as the Lord had sent her to this unfathomable world. Pure, smooth, slender, with a body as perfect that Michaelangelo or Botticelli would have been challenged to do it justice..

God, I could just go on and on, but I think ye bods have figured it out. Whenever I see a lass, dressed up in a zipped denim dress, my gonads start misbehaving and I cast myself back, back into the rear seat of my car... Worst part is that from there on, whenever she put that dress on, she owned me. Completely. I would instantly know that there was nothing underneath, so I wold start getting aroused in front of her parents, who, bless them, had no idea of what we were getting up to :-)

My dearest apologies for the length of the story, but just saying that I roar up with a dress would not be doing justice to what this lass (God bless) and dress did to me. Well, 'tis time for me to go - I'm up for a wank after writing all this...
(LazyScumbag, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:03, 29 replies)

untrue post is untrue.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:05, closed)

what the hell is wrong with you

( well, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:09, closed)

Razzle won't publish his letters,

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:09, closed)

i want him to reply to us
and justify this awful mess
( well, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:13, closed)

???
Which mess? I haven't done anything wrong (I think).... unless posting in the QOTW is a bad thing...
(LazyScumbag, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:24, closed)

I hope you're not a professional writer.
Because the guy who does the Razzle letters page is totally sueing you for plagarism.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:29, closed)

Razzle?
No, I am not a professional writer, and to say the truth, I have no idea as to what is the Razzle. I'm pretty much a newbie around this page and no, I did not plagiarise anything I wrote (except the 'dark and stormy night' thing - who hasn't).

Sorry if I ruffled anyone's feathers - I did not have a clue that I would be stepping on a hornet's nest by posting something. Won't happen again.. :-(
(LazyScumbag, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:37, closed)

SCORE ONE FOR THE TRUTHFUL!

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:45, closed)

indeed
b3ta.com/questions/darkness/post490235
( Moon Girl Technologies horrendous beanbag, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 18:06, closed)

Nice writing!
Don't know as to why this was posted, but it's a really nice piece o' work :-)

Now, if there is any hidden intention in thy posting, please feel free to tell me what it is (yes, I am THAT thick...)
(LazyScumbag, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 18:10, closed)

heavenly princess' tits whim, she carried on drawing, not allowing a meat handed mortal bumble around her holy veil, down, down, until I was able to see, only just, the vestige of her nubile womanhood, uncovered, naked, sans reticént, darkly shaded against her olive skin, beckoning towards me, akin to the fabled Medusa, whose pubis sporting a modest amount of hair, laid down, invitingly as if 'twas a wooly carpet summoning the entrance to a prémiére...
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:24, closed)

You fucking spastic
I bet you a bazillion pounds you've never touched a girl.
(Richard Earl of Cambridge Cruel, Savage, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:24, closed)

Spastic?
Actually at this time I had only been shagged/raped by the mother of one of my friends - I had never taken a lead with a bird before...

Things did change though... :-)
(LazyScumbag, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:28, closed)

You never touched a girl ever again?

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:49, closed)

Bliss
Well, after that shag (with my mate's mum) I was left like a little arse ugly mongrel, looking for a shag with any willing lass, but there weren't many for the taking... until this lass came along and bewitched me - came out that seeing that I was the only bloody foreigner around, she saw me as a feather for her cap (not that I feel or look like a trophy or anything)...
(LazyScumbag, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 18:22, closed)

HAHAHAHAHAH OH YOU LIAR

( WHARRGARBL, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:53, closed)

You pubeless virgin.
I particularly like the bit where you think you know what 'lest' means and the random pairing of badly accented french words. You're a sophisticated man of the world and no mistake.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:31, closed)

oops....
Ta for pointing out the mistake in the word 'réticents' - alas, due to my Alzheimer's I don't have a French spell check in my noggin... ;-)
(LazyScumbag, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 18:06, closed)

Alzheimer's is unlikely to cause you problems spelling
French or otherwise.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 19:45, closed)

Fuck me
Everyone and his dog is being a dick about this one. I think it's good, and I'm not sure who left the cage door open for the rest of these. As you were!
(Sammyhaswoefullyneglectedyou, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:48, closed)

Agreed ^

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:50, closed)

It's actually quite sweet.
It reminds me of how I used to think sex went when I was a virgin too.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 17:52, closed)

Agreed
^^^
(snopesthetruth, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 18:13, closed)

Oh fucking come on.
it's rubbish. I mean, I'm not even going to get into whether it's true or not, abusing it about whether it's true is essentially just a matter of opinion. But telling him it's good? fucking hell, that's just encouraging him to keep turning out tripe. If you don't want to post truth, make it interesting. And either way, make it well-written. Otherwise it rightly gets the abuse it deserves.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 19:44, closed)

Thank the lord for the denizens of /talk

( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Wed 28 Oct 2009, 21:37, closed)