If I become a multi-billionaire
I'm going to set up "Smokers' Airlines" where you can't even get a seat if you're not puffing of a cancer stick. Its main feature will be that you can get a flight and there won't be any fucking kids on it.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:07, 1 reply)

While I'm at it, 10% less noise?
The last time I flew back from the States, having visited relatives in Canadialand, I got stuck in front of some fucking little brat that stayed awake for 9 hours of the 10-hour flight, during which it spent the time kicking my chair and asking its mummy stupid fucking questions. I took two sleeping pills and as many beers as the attendants would give me but I still didn't get any fucking sleep.

Honestly, fuck you and fuck your stupid fucking children as well.
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:08, closed)

Yes, pretty much.
When you consider you've got jet engines, a 500mph wind going past the hull, 475 people, an auxilairy power unit and a large air conditioning system all going at the same time, a baby is nowhere near the only thing you can hear.

It is, I will grant, the most annoying one.
(username failed moderation, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:11, closed)

You replied in the middle of my edit, during which my blood pressure levels rose and rose
but seriously, I can sleep anywhere, unless there's a fucking little bastard kicking my chair
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:12, closed)

Yeah, that was a bit confusing . . .
I was talking specifically about babies though, who seem to produce a fair bit of ire, and only noise related.

Agree, a parent letting their child kick the seat in front is really not doing their job. That would be infuriating.

Having said that, last time I flew on Virgin, the 20 something girl behind me got all upset when I pushed my seat back. She called the stewardess to complain, and was of course told not to be stupid. She then spent the whole night kicking my seat, and had it not been for the fact she had 2 or 3 very large looking blokes in her party, would have eventually got a slap round the head . . .
(username failed moderation, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:19, closed)

We're scarily similar.
No wonder we fight...
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:21, closed)

Push your seat back into my legs
And you will get one of my knees forced repeatedly and forcefully into the small of your back.
(ubergeekian, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 17:37, closed)

I just hold the seat back and watch them try a few times.
So far, not one person has turned around to see what the fuck I'm doing.
I suspect it's because everyone is really aware that there's no fucking room to recline your seat unless the person behind had no legs.
Being a long legged type I suffer pain for any flight longer than about 2 hours, there just isn't enough legroom and I'm fucked if someone is going to make it worse.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 22:39, closed)

Last time someone tried it on me
was on a flight from Basel to Heathrow. Swiss weren't over generous with their legroom to start with, and as I'm 6'4" I was pretty tightly wedged. The woman in front tried to recline and couldn't because my legs were in the way. I wasn't being particularly obstructive, just unable to move to give the room she wanted.

She must have known that it was a human in the way, so she pressed the release and hurled herself back into the seat, moving it back a few inches. Instantly I screamed AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH. MY KNEES!!!! at the top of my voice. Nobody does this on a plane. Ever.

After she recovered, seat once again fully forward, I don't think she dared breathe for the rest of the trip. I didn't care.
(ubergeekian, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 22:58, closed)

Heh,
thing is I wouldn't dream of putting my seat back because it's horrible for the person behind and rather foolishly I assume that other people are similarly considerate. They are not, most people are trapped in a tiny bubble of their own concerns barely able to recognise that there are others with needs around them too.

I am not a sociopath yet, but it's not because people have convinced me not to be.
( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 1:05, closed)

It really is not the most annoying.
Very annoying, hell yes, I appreciate that (i have two and though generally I consider myself quite lucky that they are on the low maintenance side of the scales they can still be irritants) but I have sat on flights across the Atlantic wedged in my chair by my seat neighbour the world's sweateiest and most obese Floridian as his body tried its best to ooze into my paid for space; I have had to listen to the braying nasal whine of a family of almost comedically stereotypical New York Jews (at least three generations worth) who hadn't had the presence of mind to book seats near each other so used a form of loud screeching shuttle run chair swap to pass information back and forth across the cabin; hen do attendees explaining in unsuitably loud voices the sort of sexual practices that some adults but I would imagine pretty much all kids are unfamiliar with and how they wish to incorporate these into their holiday. In my experience it isn't that kids are fuckers it is more that people are fuckers and some of them happen to be kids/babies.
( number5 has been fighting tramps and losing., Mon 5 Mar 2012, 15:29, closed)

^ This.
And lots of it.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 16:06, closed)

Couldn't agree more!
I've been on flights where the children have been nice and quiet and some of the adults complete and utter wankstains. I find a bit of noise from a child a lot less irritating and threatening than some dickhead who can't handle his drink for example, and I've never heard a toddler argue with a flight attendant when the couldn't get their choice of meal. As you say, it's people who are the problem, it's just some of them are small...
(FiatPanda, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 17:41, closed)

Well said...
On a flight from Paris once the guy sitting next to me twisted a bit in his seat, rested his head on his girlfriend's shoulder, and put his legs in front of mine, like we were old lovers. Then looked mightily pissed off when I pushed them back in front of his own seat O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 17:53, closed)

Aw, man!
You were in there.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 19:36, closed)

I know, right?
I was on the way back from my honeymoon though, what can you do?

*shrugs shoulders*
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Tue 6 Mar 2012, 13:33, closed)

Hahahahah.
Blimey, I thought I'd got irritaed, but I bow to you, sir.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:13, closed)

"Fuck you and fuck your stupid fucking children as well."
Could someone put this on a t-shirt, please?
(CheeseyPeas, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:28, closed)

No, I believe it is
fuck YOU.

The best bit is, my screaming baby, who is keeping you up all night cost exactly zero to get on the plane.
(username failed moderation, Mon 5 Mar 2012, 14:32, closed)

Ahaha, you want to tell everyone you fuck children!

( Colonel Boris "...a desperate Buzzfeed imitation...", Mon 5 Mar 2012, 22:01, closed)