Chips and cheese
"My addiction to cheesy chips has stopped me finding love"

You somehow know she's from Newport even after the first sentence.
(ChaRleyTroniC is invincible with his chips and cheese, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:59, Reply)

Baileys (Other brands of cream liquer are available.)
I know it's a bit girly, but trust me on this. It's an absolutely delightful cocktail!

You need a shot of baileys and a shot of either Lime juice or cordial. Take the lime juice into your mouth, swish it around and hold it in their. Immediately take the Baileys into your mouth too, swish it around again. Swallow, or just enjoy the flavour. The choice is yours.

I can guarantee that others will have tried this, if you have, may I plead with you not to explain the wonder of this drink to them.... let them experience it for themselves!
( Muns, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:58, Reply)

The Bible of Blandness
If I ever write a recipe book it's going to be called The Average-Sized Book of Mehcipes, featuring a range of dishes with nothing original or exciting about them at all.

Examples:

Tuna sandwich, Daredevil Style

Tuna
Bread
Butter
Dab of mustard

Make the sandwich as you normally would but add some mustard. It'll make it slightly spicier and you'll momentarily feel like an action hero despite the bizarreness of the fish/mustard combination.

Continental Pasta

Pasta shapes (doesn't matter which ones)
Grated cheese

Cook the pasta until al dente, like the Continentals do. Drain and add the grated cheese, so you're not just eating ordinary pasta any more but at the same time you haven't put it back on the hob to heat so the cheese might not melt, and you'll get the added taste of cheese but a funny sort of hot/cold sensation in your mouth that means you'll probably leave half the bowl and have more dessert instead.
( .Yeti., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:36, 1 reply)

Brigadier inspecting the troops in the trenches
stops in front of one young guy
"Tell me soldier, did you come here to die?"
"No, I came here yes-ter-die"
(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:29, Reply)

My dog smells terrible

(CADmonkey rollllllllled another one, just like the other one, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:25, Reply)

3 "ladies of the night" are sitting at a bar
comparing their prowess.

The first 1 says - "My vagina is so big I can fit 2 cocks, 2 vibrators and a dildo up it all at the same time."

The 2nd proclaims - "My lady garden is so encompassing - I can be fisted by 4 people and have sex toys and I can accommodate several penises all at the same time!"

The 3rd hooker smiles and slides down the barstool.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:23, 5 replies)

.........
because your dads cock tastes funny
(sittingduck Attention seeking, bullshitting fuck-knuckle, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:18, Reply)

Why do dogs lick their balls?
Because they can.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:17, 4 replies)

Two Irishmen walk into a bar.
The bartender says "This is a joke, isn't it?"
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:15, 1 reply)

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman go into a pub.
That's a good recipe for a fight.
( Rotating Wobbly Hat That's not a banana. THIS is a banana., Thu 4 Jul 2013, 13:13, Reply)

That's my last one, see you all again soon.
Two nuns riding down a bumpy road. One nun says 'I've never come this way before'.
The other nun says "That's because they've closed the high street and set up a diversion".
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 12:57, 2 replies)

Knock, knock!
"Who's there?"
"I'm the doorbell repair guy."
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 12:55, Reply)

Two snowmen standing in a field and one says "Can you smell carrots?".
Then the other replies "ironically no, even though my nose is a carrot it doesn't actually function as one. Well I assume it is, I can't see because my fucking eyes are pieces of coal.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 12:55, 3 replies)

Two cannibals are eating a clown, and one says to the other, "Does this taste funny to you?"
the other says "yes, it's probably the greasepaint that's gotten into the skin.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 12:54, Reply)

had a boots meal deal for lunch once

( The Doveston haunted by the memory of his own amnesia, Thu 4 Jul 2013, 12:52, Reply)