Yeah yeah, you're just hoping for more food related stuff you fat fucking mess.
Here you go then here's the best of my foood threads:

I'm going to teach you all the secret of the perfect sausage and dippy egg sandwich. EDIT FOR MM'S IDIOCY: THIS MAKES TWO, THAT'S 2 SANDWICHES.
It's all in the lower slice of bread.
Take one slice of bread, cut it diagonally.
Lightly fry the bread triangles, not as much as you would for normal fried bread, you don't want them too crispy. Press down firmly with a spatula in the centre of the bread. This makes the reservoir for the dippy egg.
Next, fry two eggs. You want the yolk nice and runny, but turn the edges of the white over a little. While you're doing this fry or grill the sausages.
Place the eggs in the reservoirs you've created in the fried bread, cut the sausages lengthways and place them on top of the eggs, add ketchup or brown sauce to taste, place unfried bread on top.
Nyom.

This is how you make the traditional Welsh potato and swede dish of Potch.Take some boiled spuds with a few roast spuds and mash them together with boiled diced swede. Add a little horseradish to the mash, and stir in little bits of chopped bacon. And bits of spring onions or chives. And use cream instead of milk. And plenty of butter, not much salt and a bit of pepper. Serve with pork and leek sausages and onion gravy.

Chicken and mushroom Pot Noodle with a Chicken Oxo cube and a Dairylee cheese triangle added.I am the WORLD'S GREATEST CHEF!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 10:53, 2 replies)

I don't think you'd fit two fried eggs onto half a slice of bread.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:07, closed)

Try reading it properly and then using your brain to process the information provided.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:49, closed)

You still only have half a sandwich,
with 2 eggs crammed in. It'll probably slide apart.
If you're going to the trouble of frying the bread, you might as well just cook yourself a plate of food, and break out the eating irons.

POIDH.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 11:57, closed)

Are you really this thick?
How do you manage to get out of bed in the morning without accidentally killing yourself?
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:00, closed)

Now now, ladies.
I'm sure we can resolve this with a friendly jelly wrestle.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:06, closed)

I ain't going to wrestle him The LOVELY Doc Ess.
I don't want to get bent spastic on me.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:24, closed)

I'm sorry.
I've reread it, and it just looks destined to collapse. Also, you'll get greasy fingers, which defeats the object of making a sandwich.

Edit: I see your edit. Perhaps the confusion was that the recipe for the perfect sandwich (singular) makes two sandwiches. I still don't like it, though.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:12, closed)

You are obviously some sort of denty-brained retard.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:15, closed)

If you like.
But you make crap sandwiches, so nyer.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:17, closed)

That, right there, is the statement of a denty-brained retard.
A denty-brained retard AND a foodwrong.
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:20, closed)

Can I just mention how enormously aroused I am right now?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:30, closed)

Of COURSE you can The LOVELY Vaggy.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:33, closed)

I'm enormously aroused right now.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:36, closed)

PHWOAR!
:D
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:38, closed)

Some Chamomile might help alleviate some of that
UPSET ON THE INTERNET!!!!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:13, closed)

Wow, I guess that's me zinged then.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Mon 1 Jul 2013, 12:21, closed)

Wish I'd thought of it.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 1 Jul 2013, 13:29, closed)