Desk Drawer of DOOM
For one roller-coaster year of my life, I worked in the headquarters of a large motor parts company.

Things were going pretty badly for them, and came the day that the staff were lined up against the wall and there were dozens of redundancies. Amongst these was the financial director, who was roundly blamed by many for paying more attention to chasing skirt than chasing the company's debts.

So, after he left the company's offices for the last time - given all of two minutes' notice - I drew the short straw to clear out his desk and arrange to have personal items sent to his home. Let's see:

* Nine-inch 'Monster Kong' vibrator and several packs of AA batteries

* A large quantity of specialist gentlemen's leisure magazines, most with the word "Rubber" in the title

* Several items of soiled lingerie which were clearly not in his size

* His 'Little Black Book' containing brief details of every female in the building ("Julia, document archive: Bad tempered, great arse. 6 out of 10.")

That Tuesday afternoon, knowing he was down the Red Lion drowning his sorrows and/or eyeing up the barmaid, I drove the box to his house in my Austin Allegro, rang the doorbell and fled.

Edit: Buggrit, I've written up a 12-inch remix version HERE, with only minor traces of fiction.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:22, 7 replies)

And
was he married?
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:26, closed)

It's usually the married ones
who have the bigtime fetishes and collections of strange toys and bizarre pr0n. Especially if they've been married a while.

Scaryduck, I really hope you were wearing latex gloves when you cleared out the desk.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:57, closed)

Oh yes
Though overweight and superbly beared.

God alone knows what women saw in him. Hung like a rhino, undoubtedly.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 14:25, closed)

Randy Basket!!
Nice one for dropping the box off at his home *Click*
PS - Nowt wrong with the Rubber mag tho - latex is ace!!
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:27, closed)

Rubber, leather, latex, PVC
It's all good but hardly smart to keep it at the office...
( The Light in Chains don't touch the Pope's boner, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 14:06, closed)

I'd have taken them to the pub,
and got him to sign for ech individual item.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Thu 6 Nov 2008, 13:55, closed)

Austin what!
Austin All-Agro's are awesome.

that is all.
( evilamnesiac says fuck you Prince, Mon 10 Nov 2008, 8:38, closed)