Ripping off British Rail
Because they deserve it, the subhuman scum.

I've now bunked the train from London to Brighton or vice versa approximately 30 times. The trick is to get the cheapest possible single fare to get through the ticket barriers, then get out at provincial stations one stop from the main station, where there aren't any ticket barriers. In fact, I live north of London, way out in the outside zone of the tube, so getting off a similar distance out in South London fools the oyster card into thinking I've only travelled a few stops when in fact I've gone all the way across the city. Takes about half an hour longer, saves about £20 in total. Of course, you have to avoid the ticket inspectors, and the best way I've found is to pretend I'm asleep, then 'wake up' when they ask for your ticket and act like you've missed your stop. They usually let you off at the next station with a warning. This has happened 3 or 4 times now. Finally, if you know you're going to be making the same journey 2 or 3 times that month, you can get an open return and exit at a smaller station as before, then keep your ticket for further journeys. This works as many times as you like, so long as you remember to go through the manned barrier rather than the automated one, where the computer will spaz out at you having seemingly gone through the same station several times without getting off anywhere.

All in all I've probably saved about £300 though these various schemes in the last two years, but frankly, they can afford it and I can't.
(jabboy, Sun 3 Aug 2008, 20:06, 7 replies)

Dont think this will make you rich.
But its more like how to save a bit of cash. Not being a london person, ive never understood the whole Oyster card thing.
(Miggyman, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 8:04, closed)

I count it as making me 'rich'
in that when I only have about £50 left in my account, I can go home to the parents for a week, get fed, not spend any money and still have about £40. If I actually spent the money I should on train fares, seeing my parents would not be cost effective. And £40 is 'rich' to me these days, as sad as it may seem.
(jabboy, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 12:41, closed)

Now open your eyes...
British rail hasn't existed for about 15 yrs.

All you're doing is giving your local rail company an excuse to up the fares to 'pay for more guards to catch the people fare-dodging'.
I don't think the honest travellers really appreciate that.

Go to your local station, ask them the cheapest way to get there, and be honest rather than a scrote.
(paof2 Nude might not be rude, but rude could be nude..., Mon 4 Aug 2008, 13:08, closed)

A variation on this theme
Fall asleep with an empty 3 litre bottle of Diamond White cradled in your arms.
Who the fuck in their right mind wants to wake up somebody who has just downed 3 litres of Diamond White?
(oneinthepink is at your cervix m'lady, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 14:58, closed)

I can't condone this.
While shit management is why our railways are awful, I can't see them being able to get any better if they're getting cheated like this.

How much would it cost you if you didn't cheat? £20? Name me another transport method that can take you that distance for cheaper. Maybe a coach? Anything else?
(Musuko, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 16:18, closed)

They are generally wising up to the old 'pretend you're asleep' ruse
...and they'll charge you the excess on the spot these days. Especially if you're pretending you're drunk... you might find the Old Bill waiting at the platform for you.
( Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 17:33, closed)

It costs a ludicrous £32
to get a return ticket. Add to that the £7 daysaver in and out of London each way and if I paid up properly it'd cost me near £50 every time I feel like seeing my Mum and Dad for the weekend. The megabus can cost less than a fiver (but only if you book about a month in advance, and I've never been that organised). In my defence, I only started doing this when it got to the point where I regularly had less than £100 left of my overdraft, sadly that's an increasingly common occurence these days. And of course, I'd rather not have to go through all this deceit and fraud every time I hop on a train home, and once I'm done with my course in a month or two and in full time employment I probably won't have to anymore, but right now I refer you to the head of this QOTW. Jabboy is skint. Not 'waiting for money to come in' or 'tightening purse strings' but actually skint. As in no money.
(jabboy, Mon 4 Aug 2008, 17:38, closed)