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This is a question God

Tell us your stories of churches and religion (or lack thereof). Let the smiting begin!

Question suggested by Supersonic Electronic

(, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 15:00)
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Jehovah's Witnesses
These are great, because they believe the whole Bible is literally true. When they knocked at the door with a 15 year-old girl in tow and me with a raging hangover, I cut to the chase. I addressed the girl directly, and said:

"Noah's Ark, right? All the animals alive today were on board. Well, there are between five and eight million species of beetle in the world. Noah was obviouly a man who spent a lot of his time on his hands and knees looking under logs and stones. And he must have been more resourceful than the entire scientific community from its inception to the present day which has only identified about 350,000 of those species. So, tell me how did Noah get five million species of beetle on the ark?"

She thought about it for a minute, and then said:

"Maybe he only took a few species with them, and they produced all the rest."

"A few species giving rise to a variety of species? We have a word for that."

Shocked, she clasped her hand over her mouth, and gasped:


I nodded. She thought about it some more.

"Maybe he cross-bred the beetles to make more species."

"Yep. Still evolution, I'm afraid."

At this point the others are starting to shuffle her away from me.

"And what about freshwater fish? You know, the ones that die if they go in the sea? How much of the ark was aquarium?"

As they ushered her off my doorstep, I saw I'd planted the salmon of doubt.

The older woman with her did come back, and tried to convince me Jesus was an angel. At which point I realised even she didn't know what she was talking about.
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:32, 9 replies)
Nice work!
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:34, closed)
That's fucking great.
Nicely done.
Have a click.
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:37, closed)
jehova's Witnesses ruined one of my uncle's funeral. His son had converted to the Jehovahs, and whereas my uncle had been a fun-loving bloke who would have loved a jolly old knees up send off, instead he got a 5 minute, no music, no talking, off you go, affair that no one was invited to.

But me and my mum went anyway. Fuck em.
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:38, closed)
One of them?
How many funerals did he have!?

(yeah I know, more than 1 uncle).
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:46, closed)
An interesting fact about Jehovah's Witness'
is that if they don't agree with something the Bible says, it's blanked out with a line in their version of it. Interesting for people who take it literally, don't you think?
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 10:56, closed)
I have to remember that aquarium line. I'd never thought of that because... well, the entire Noah story is ludicrous from the start. But that's a doozy.
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 11:29, closed)
Salmon of doubt
HHGTTG reference? Nice!
(, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 18:25, closed)
Or wasn't it Dirk Gently?
Just askin'.

Either way Douglas Adams was a god.

Even though, as an atheist, (he was, wasn't he?) he'd probably object to that.

"Where God went wrong, Some more of God's Greatest mistakes and Who is this God Person anyway?"
(, Mon 23 Mar 2009, 12:41, closed)
Loving this logic, but...
Where's the evidence of 5-8 million types of beetle, if scientists have only found ~350,000 species so far?

I'd love to use this argument, but like to be sure of my facts ...
(, Wed 25 Mar 2009, 17:39, closed)

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