Maybe I will find my next flame on B3ta
One crazy, neurotic, car loving gal seeks man with high levels of tolerance to get oily with. Knowledge of B series engines a bonus.

Contrary to previous crushes you are required to be single, without children (dogs are fine), not harbour any serious drug addictions and either be a smoker or ok with the fact I smoke - please note social smokers who never buy their own will not be tolerated.

Anyone with a discount at Halfords gets extra points.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:38, 47 replies)

Stranger things have happend : )
.
( girlinthehole, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:40, closed)

Good luck...
*waits for influx of weirdos*
( Cawl, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:41, closed)

I would have applied
but smoking? bleugh.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:41, closed)

Well I have already dated
all the weirdos in my immediate area so it is time to branch out.

Ethelred smoking is cool and you know it.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:42, closed)

if I only I weren't taken...
however, anyone can get the good old 5 finger discount from Halfords....
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:42, closed)

@ Vippy
Is that a euphemism?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:47, closed)

You need a good poke.
I can loose the curent missus, I don't do drugs any more, I know a bit about engin's and I'm a reformed smoker of two and a half weeks. Give me a poke if you fancy a poke?
(TwinkleFuckingToes Has a ingrown toe nail, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:47, closed)

@Ethel
yes, it mean Halfords is full of wankers.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:49, closed)

@ Al
I'm sure with their blingtastic civics, they have all the underage loose girls they could ever need swooning over them?
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:50, closed)

defective_audio
That's about the worst come-on that I've ever heard.

You fail the Kaol-mediated vetting-process.

Next.
( Cawl, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:52, closed)

@Kaol
How about if he just randomly staggered up to her and stuck his tongue in her mouth while mind blowingly drunk? Would that be okay?
( Bazongaloid, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:54, closed)

Halfords depresses me
But it's close. The people in there are all brain dead twats though.

BDT: "Can I help you miss?"
TGB: "Yes, do you still sell the cable to make spark plug leads?"
BDT: "No we sell kits n.."
TGB: "Oh well you won't have one for me so thanks"
BDT: "Oh we have the most comprehensive list and we can order one in if it's not in stock what car is it?"
TGB: "A 1972 Morris Marina TC"
BDT: "... A what?"
TGB: *runs out screaming*

Kaol thanks for the vetting, he may have slipped through otherwise...
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:55, closed)

Al,
He had his chance.

EDIT: TGB, you get much more from "vetting" than just that... He won't be having children ever again. That kind of vetting...
( Cawl, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:56, closed)

5 finger discount = stealing
I'd suggest every woman needs a guy like Kaol to vet their suitors

he's even prepared to test how well they kiss.

or is that just for people with whom you have struck up an internet-based friendship?
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 11:58, closed)

Aww thats sweet
Thanks :)

Vipros do you steal a lot from halfords? I should start stealing autoglym that stuff is expensive (but awesome).
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:00, closed)

I tend not to go to halfords
because they are shit

there's a good place down here called GSF (German Swedish and French) that sell all the parts I need and they are much cheaper and much better.

I have a handy mechanic friend too. Uncle Ricky's VW Autoshop FTW!
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:02, closed)

Vippy
I used GSF when I had my beloved Pug.
(Ethelred is watching cheese grow, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:03, closed)

I have a Motorworld
but it's in Warwick and the parking is shit and Halfords is about 3 min drive from me and has lots of parking.. I only ever really get brake fluid from there as Asda sells really cheap 20/50 oil! I think it's about £4.80 for 10 litres. Cheap oil FTW!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:06, closed)

I can rebuild a b-series (and an a-series for that matter)
blindfolded, while smoking. what do I win?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:09, closed)

Hmmm...
The Mighty Badger...
You've passed the first test.
( Cawl, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:11, closed)

My cars spend more time in bits than running though
that's probably some sort of epic fail.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:14, closed)

The Mighty Badger
I am impressed. So much so I will overlook the missed capitalisation...

You win the chance to go to round two?

What cars do you have?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:15, closed)

I fail
I know a little about engines, love old minis and dream of owning an escort Mk1, smoke, no real drug issues but alas, I have a nipper and am nearly married.

Surely someone one as pretty as the grammar badger should have no problems finding a man badger?
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:20, closed)

Also, for the record,
As fantastic as I am, I fail the test.

I'm not single *grins*
I don't have children, a dog or a drug problem.
I'm fine with smoking, and will end up smoking myself, abut I'm happy to buy my own.

I can get a discount in any shop I want... *clicks open knife*
( Cawl, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:26, closed)

Aww thanks Spikey :)
Kaol I don't want someone with kids and a drug problem!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:33, closed)

I know that!
I was just ticking and crossing the list...
( Cawl, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:36, closed)

TGB
I'm having a 'be nice to people' day coz its nippers birthday, I've just been paid and generally woke up a little chirpy this morning.

I'm always a nice bloke (most of the time!) but today I'm feeling the niceness all around :0)
( SpikeyPickle wishes he was mabazaritchie, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:40, closed)

At least you've stopped scowling Kaol
Was giving you lines.

Spikey - Happy birthday to the little one just re-read the thread in the off topic for some reason I thought someone else wrote that! I'm having a stupid day - still tired from my weekend of debauchery! I wish that were true :(
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:45, closed)

I can't get lines
I'm twenty-two.
Impossible.
( Cawl, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:46, closed)

I'd volunteer
but B-series engines are so shit I wouldn't want to go near anyone who's touched one. Sorry.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:51, closed)

You can get lines!
When I was your age I was full of them!

ok maybe only a few. And I am only a year older

Grr don't apologise I need someone who loves my cars as much as I do - if you can't then you're out!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:56, closed)

Currently?
'72 MGB roadster (see profile). Just lost my Landrover. History? '66 Herald 12/50, couple of Minis, '78 Spitfire 1500 and then the B.

Plus the usual shower of modern stuff and a short-lived, exciting and hideously expensive venture in to the lovely world of Alfa-Romeo.

Oh and Grrr - I know some of your car history chap, watch slagging the B-series, you're veering into pot/kettle territory ;)
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 12:59, closed)

There's a lot to be said
For older women.
( Cawl, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:00, closed)

Loving a Marina is harder than loving a ginger step-child
Swap it for a Vauxhall Viva and I'll sweep you off your feet faster than a BMC product can rust.
( Grrrmachine the indifference engine, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:07, closed)

@TGB
You should hook up with the mighty badger. Then if you ever got married, you wouldn't even have to change your name.

Except perhaps to drop the capitalisation.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:28, closed)

I almost rescued a Viva from a scrappie
It was £75 with no interior but I couldn't afford the cost of transporting it back to my house :(

Loving a Marina is an acquired taste I'll admit!

TMG - That is a lovely car. I love MGB's but have had a lot of abuse from their drivers when I've been in the Marina! Had a nice chat with an Allegro driver the other day though :)

Edit: K2K6 it would be convenient! I was pointing out the lower case w in when a few posts up though.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:30, closed)

TGB - I'm not surpised by abuse - I tend to steer clear of the MGOC
as they tend to be wankers. Plus they look down on non-originality .."Oh you've got minilites not wires, how terrible" - Yes you tosser, have you ever tried to clean wires? "Oh, but walnut dashboards were never standard in '72" - Yes, I like how it looks, OK?

They'd probably implode in fury if they found the 400W power amp in the boot floor and the mp3 connection under the centre armrest ....

EDIT - k2k6, which uni are you working at up here?
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:50, closed)

Oh my gush!
I have a huuuuge tub of car wax going begging. YOu have a car! This is fate.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 13:56, closed)

tmb - I'm glad you think they are wankers as well!
Wires are a bitch to clean and you always notice a bit you have missed the next day. Of course originality is nice but the cars are over 35 years old you need a few mod cons and if they are tastefully done I don't see the issue.

Just noticed your devilish numberplate as well!

Kev what kind of wax is it and are you offering to help?
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 14:37, closed)

Never drive a car built after you passed your test
I know it's off topic but I've not had any lunch yet and thus feel entitled to wander slightly.

I am owned by a '89 1.9 205. That little rascal is the greatest machine ever built (other than my gigantic robotic arm) however it's as comfortable as nettles. I ramble, I digress, I apologise.

I'll get to my point. I need a saloon to compliment the 205 as my sister will not allow me to drive my little niece around in a car that is "regularly upside down and on fire". Her words, not mine. I'm going '70s and there are two contenders: Marina or Cortina IV. I can't decide, try as I might. I went towards the forums within the internet tubes but retreated as the people there were unhinged.

Head says 'tina, heart says 'rina. Help me decide by telling me the very best thing about Marinas. Just one fact. I am easily influenced, so do your worst.
(yearsofpractice, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 15:10, closed)

Years
Marinas are not the best car to drive (they roll about a bit), the TCs drink petrol like it's going out of fashion, people will probably still laugh at you for owning one and the parts are becoming a bit of a bitch to find.

But dear god they are a lot of fun! You can't take yourself too seriously in a Marina and that's probably why the club is full of total loons who are the most lovely down to earth people you could ever hope to meet :)

If you are using it for a daily driver though I would certainly recommend a 1.3.
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 15:22, closed)

Rear drive beehive.
Splendid! That's food for thought and much appreciated. I reckon the Ford is a bit predictable anyway… I fear no laughter, as the tinkers doing the laughing will probably be driving year-old Clios. Need I say more?

Ten-four regards the lovable nature of the residents of the boards. I referenced it as was unnerved by a geezer on the Cortina thread who was ridiculing someone for having "incorrect under-bonnet engine stickers". Crikey.

Right. That's my weekend sorted. The Great Marina Hunt begins. Let's hope I don't get distracted by anything German or Swedish…. Mmmmm…. Old Saab…

Anyway. Thanks again for your help and I wish you good health.

yearsofpractice out.
(yearsofpractice, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 15:49, closed)

years..
Don't get sucked into the foreign trap! and remember, the TC isn't that bad for fuel, I get 96hp @ the flywheel with a basically unmodified 1.8TC B series (in a car that weighs 900kg so the Saxo VTS boys can't come close ;) and I still get 320 miles out of £45 worth of unleaded.

Oh, and zero tax and £110 a year to insure. all round win.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 16:25, closed)

badger
Please come and tune my TC engine up! And no, Al, that isn't a dodgy euphemism!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 17:38, closed)

Any chance?
20 a day mechanic
comes with classic landys and jag
also halfords trade card..
(roadkillontoast, Fri 29 Aug 2008, 22:38, closed)

You sound like...
my sorta girl :)
(SuckYourMum, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 17:23, closed)

.
am I the only person really hoping the badgers actually get together?
( catness, Wed 3 Sep 2008, 13:54, closed)