Let's see if I can crowbar this in here...
Perhaps it was the drink that had gone before, but her allure was so strong I couldn't resist.

She was introduced to me as the Green Faerie and as soon as we met I knew I'd be taking her home with me.

She claimed to be from Prague and everyone urged me to 'do' her.

I was powerless to resist.

When I opened my eyes this morning I saw immediately that she wasn't the same person that I bought home last night.

Not. Even. Close.

She had developed the body of a Russian Shot Putter and when she breathed an angry "good morning" my stomach clenched & twisted itself into a painful knot.

I rolled away from her and tried to pretend she wasn't there but she jumped on me and punched me about the back of the head.

Then she got herself in front of me and punched me in the gut so hard I had to run downstairs and yawn solidly into the toilet.

She followed me into the bathroom, of course. She followed me in and stood behind me, slapping me around the head while I engaged in a lumpy conversation with the bowl.

I lay down on the bathroom floor for a while but she just stood on my head, increasing the ache that bounced around my skull, before she jumped onto my stomach, reigniting the conversation neither I nor the toilet had enjoyed previously.

She hung around for hours; ensuring I wouldn't be able, or even want to eat anything and keeping up her assault on the inside of my head, not letting me keep any tablets down long enough to dull the pain.

She eventually left about three hours ago, but only after I'd locked myself in the bathroom and soaked in the bath until I shivered from the coldness of the water.

Don't drink Absinthe people, just don't.
( Moey, Sun 31 Aug 2008, 22:06, 12 replies)

Depends on how much you drink
if you can stomach it one or two shots can make the night flow quite nicely
(sailorspoon started wiping his own arse from, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 0:04, closed)

tastes like burning though

(Stu Moo winner of five nobble piece prizes, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 1:23, closed)

You're right, Mr Spoon.

It was the excess that did for me, not the Absinthe in itself.

Still, live and learn.
( Moey, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 9:25, closed)

Don't you mean
"She was introduced to me as the Green Faerie"?

Also; been there *boke*...
( IHaveABadFeelingAboutThis most likely working from home on, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 10:12, closed)

^Oooops
Yes, yes I did.

Such is the problem of writing a post in such a state.

Duly changed.
( Moey, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 10:48, closed)

sounds familiar
i quite like absinthe but, as i've said before, too much of it leaves me with the urge to sleep in people's gardens in the middle of december.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 13:49, closed)

Am rather proud...
Of myself.

I actually worked out what you were on about from "the Gree Faerie"

And I agree with the final sentence too, I have only drunk absinthe once, and the night ended with me deciding to prove that it's easy to roll down stairs a la stuntman.

They usually try to avoid doors at the bottom, I didn't.

Bloody strong door.
( Agnostic Antichrist Baltimora, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 16:11, closed)

pfft
you bloody wimp, the green stuff is only 60%!

Try the real stuff, it's brown, 85% alcohol and doesn't taste anything like fire. In fact it doesn't taste of anything except melting tastebuds and nerve endings
(SarcasticBarSteward wants to be good at Photoshop when he grows up, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 17:10, closed)

@BarSteward
Despite nearly seven years in the drinks trade, I can't drink for toffee.

What's more, having tried all manner of neat distillate (normally around 80%), there's no fucking way I'm trying a spirit that's actually sold at 85% ABV, that's just crazy.
( Moey, Mon 1 Sep 2008, 17:47, closed)

Mmmm...Absinthe
First time I tried it I lost 6 hours of my life...

Came back from Spain with a bottle of the 85% stuff though and got we got royally shitfaced the day after my mates funeral (RIP Lee).

Absinthe is GOOD for you - and have you tried honey vodka?
( snee held his breath since, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 15:17, closed)

in honour of this tale
i am now wearing my brand new green fairy earrings, which i purchased today.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 20:12, closed)

Aaaaawwww
I feel privileged to have green faerie earrings being worn in honour of my hangover story.

I'm almost inspired to drink more absinthe... though I may just leave it for another day!
( Moey, Tue 2 Sep 2008, 20:47, closed)