My great grandfather was an army chaplain during the First World War.
He survived the whole thing, the carnage, the waste, the horror, and then was reported MIA in the last week - the last week - after going into No Man's Land to administer last rites.

His then-girlfriend received a telegram two weeks later, saying.

NOT DEAD STOP HOME TUESDAY STOP WILL YOU MARRY ME STOP.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 12:44, 40 replies)

And????

( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 12:46, closed)

Well, how do you think he got to be my great grandfather?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 12:57, closed)

Was there a freak accident with a time machine and a condom?

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:00, closed)

NO THERE WAS NOT AND IT WAS PROVED IN A COURT OF LAW THAT THERE WASN'T!

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:03, closed)

A court of law
corrupted by someone with access to a time machine and a condom?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:04, closed)

*snorts tea*

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:06, closed)

She might have said no
and he may have married someone else
( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:04, closed)

Yes, yes, that's perfectly true.
Seriously - do you think it needs editing for clarity?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:07, closed)

No I just liked the story and wanted the next chapter!

( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:08, closed)

Ah! Patience, young padwan.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:15, closed)

I'll guess
She said yes but when he got back she was already pregnant with 8 babies from 9 different fathers
( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:17, closed)

Close, but no.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:19, closed)

She sucked off a bunch of yanks in return for Nylon stockings?

( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:20, closed)

Yeah, but who can honsetly say they haven't done that?

( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:28, closed)

My Gran didn't suck of yanks for nylons
She drew them on with bisto
( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:31, closed)

Your gran drew yanks for bisto?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:34, closed)

drew
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:35, closed)

Oh, I read 'drew them on' as 'tempted them'
I just assumed she rubbed it on her lady bits.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:35, closed)

I take it you've never heard of the practice of drawing stockings on their legs with gravy then?
With an eyeliner line up the back
( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:36, closed)

Your gran
took eyeliner up the back?

Was 'eyeliner' the nickname of the look out?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:38, closed)

No it's what he called his cock.
When he stuck it up her botty.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:39, closed)

Yes, but that's boring - tell us about your gran sucking off lots of American men in exchange for gravy.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:39, closed)

Well, the gravy's pretty much guaranteed,
Especially if she took her teeth out first.
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:43, closed)

I think taking the gravy back to share with her family
was abit much though.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:48, closed)

Unfortunatly my gran is only 70
so didn't suck off any yanks in WWII.
( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:48, closed)

Oh
it was Vietnam, was it?
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:49, closed)

Hey man! You don't know man! You don't know!
She was there man! She was there in the shit! With the grunts man!
( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:59, closed)

Two grans one cup?

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 14:06, closed)

It's definitely more satisfying wearing silky smooth stockings when you had to work for them.
Wait...what?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:32, closed)

...who all eventually married,
producing 16 web fingered great-grandchildren?
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:20, closed)

I think it needs editing for fun.
Unfortunately, we can't edit it :-(
(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:09, closed)

She said no but the dirty old cunt raped her anyway.
You know what those clergy types are like - if they're not nonces, they're slavering rapists. All of them.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:21, closed)

My Aunt is a Priest
You are right
( Peej, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:38, closed)

You say that like it's a bad thing
But you know how jealous you are inside.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:45, closed)

Tuesday stop will
eh?
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:06, closed)

NOT DEAD STOP HOME TUESDAY STOP WILL YOU MARRY ME STOP.
HAMMER TIME
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:25, closed)

HAAaaaaaaaaaaaa
I wish to find a telegram-sender now just so that I can send this!
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:35, closed)

This
Many times this.
(Blunt Logic, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 13:49, closed)

Better that than
STOP COLLABORATE AND LISTEN

Which would have sent an entirely wrong message during that period of history.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 15:15, closed)

WILL IT EVER STOP?

(MrOli is ugly, but in the morning you will be sober, Fri 3 Jun 2011, 15:31, closed)