I bought a home gym...
...a couple of years ago because as my job has me sat on my arse for most of the time, I do need to exercise. But the main reason I bought it is that I fucking hate gym clubs.

First, there's the cost. Something like 30 quid (at least) per month for use of the facilities.

Fuck that.

But that's not the only cost; you also have to invest in sportswear, which depending on how swish you want to look whilst sweating like a rapist in a nunnery could cost twice as much as a years' subs at the gym.

Fuck that too.

Then there's other people, who fall into four main categories. Of course, there's a fair number of normal people, trying to keep fit, not really bothering anyone and just pounding away whilst listening to whatever on their iPod shuffles. Aside from the usual fuck-Apple sentiment, I have no problem with them. But after them come the cunt categories. Firstly there's fitness fanatics who, in the presence of those who view it simply as a hobby or a necessity, turn into fitness nazis, sneering at anyone who isn't taking it as seriously as them or not using the equipment in precisely the correct way. Then there's tarts, either of the male or female variety who are there purely to be seen, as if it was a fucking nightclub or something - swanning around in the most possibly expensive sportswear, being careful never to break a sweat in case it mucks up their foundation/guyliner and gathering in small pods to quietly rip the piss out of pretty much everyone. Finally, if you're unfortunate enough for your club to have a freeweights section, there's the meatheads. Fuck me. Now understand, I've nothing against homoeroticism, indeed I encourage it but these fuckers - slamming those dumbells about, slapping each other on the arse, groaning, roaring, shouting, egging one another on in a Top Gun fashion and generally acting like testosterone-fuelled, closet-confined tosspots and of course, sneering at anyone who can traverse a door without turning sideways. Muscle is nice, but too much of it gets in the way and therefore so do they.

Fuck that, and fuck them along with it.

But my biggest bugbear is all the mirrors everywhere, obviously installed to please the tarts and meatheads who of course love admiring themselves more than anything else. But me, I hate it - do I fuck want to watch myself sweating like a politician on a polygraph and gurning like a half-baked hobo. And even when I'm not, I'm of the opinion that mirrors should be glanced at, not stared at.

Fuck. That.

So I bought a home gym, and it's the best couple-of-hundred quid I've ever spent. I get back after my bike ride home from work, change into a scrappy old t-shirt and a pair of boxer shorts, do my fitnessy thang whilst the rock channels on TV provide some background, and there's not one mirror or cunt in my vicinity.

Bliss. Fairly tiring bliss, but it could be worse - I could have to go to a gym club.
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 15:56, 7 replies)

Yes
I don't see the point of driving to a place that charges me money to run on a moving carpet to shite dance music, when I can run or cycle home from work then do a bit of exercise to my own tunes of choice.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:27, closed)

Hard luck
So I bought a home gym, and it's the best couple-of-hundred quid I've ever spent ... there's not one mirror or cunt in my vicinity.

So all those muscles haven't helped you find a young lady?
(ubergeekian, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 16:32, closed)

Ahem
Not this gentleman...
(Potty Jag har smör i min rumpspringa, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 17:12, closed)

Yes, ahem...
...I have little interest in finding a young lady, but I've been with my current boyfriend for just over a year now.

I did try to hint at it, and a few of my previous posts do a lot more than hint :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 10 Jul 2009, 9:19, closed)

Home gyms are great.
I've got a set of Fabled Cables, a chin-up bar and some 'press-up handles' that came free with the former at home, and they're perfect for a pretty arse-kicking all-over workout without leaving my front room.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Thu 9 Jul 2009, 17:16, closed)

Well said
but tbf, we don't get (m)any top-gun style meatheads up these parts. Part of me wishes we did as it'd make the whole experience a lot more entertaining.
( thyrf as in turf, but not, Sun 12 Jul 2009, 16:22, closed)

Nicely done.
"and there's not one mirror or cunt in my vicinity."

Genius.
(Vagajay, Mon 13 Jul 2009, 2:33, closed)