Do as I say, not as I do
Probably the moment where I was giving my friend advice on her severely messy relationship, telling her exactly how she could move her life forward without the useless fecker who was treating her so badly, when at the time I was with someone who had left the website address for a local escort girl scrawled on an envelope on the table while I was tidying it in order to serve up his dinner.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:35, 15 replies)

Ooof!
That's not good.

Still, as a way to get yourself dumped it's quite impressive!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:48, closed)

It was mostly over anyway at that stage.
That was the straw that broke the camel's back. Now it's definitely, utterly and completely over. And I was also peeved as it wasn't like that escort girl was advertising anything I wouldn't provide. Other than the potential for disease.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:51, closed)

Haha
You're terrible with us be-cock-ed types.

Keep up the good work.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:50, closed)

I am now damaged
and have trust issues. And some new sex toys. Be-cock-ed, bedamned!
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:53, closed)

What kind of sex toys?

(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:59, closed)

silicone ones
with extra buzzing. 0 - orgasm in 60 seconds.
My last one 'broke'.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:01, closed)

Are you sure
you didn't just lose it in your cavernous fanny?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:02, closed)

I think you
used the word "cavernous" when you meant to use the word "tight", and my gynaecologist will back me up on that. It would only be cavernous in relation to your micro-cock.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:04, closed)

Does he have trouble
getting his speculum in?
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:09, closed)

Typical,
that you assume my gynaecologist is a man. Women are allowed to be medical professionals too, y'know. Female doctors aren't known as nurses, y'know. Honestly, you misogynistic purveyor of male hegemony, haven't you heard of third-wave feminism?

She warmed the speculum. That's how nice she is. Then we had a nice chat about oppression at the hands of males while she gently flickered her tongue across the pale, smooth inside of my thigh and the sleazy saxophone music kicked in as our moans grew louder.

Edit: then the real (i.e. man) doctor came in and gave us a damn good seeing to, pausing only to make sure he spilled his virile male seed copiously, noisily and in full view of the array of cameras that up until that point I hadn't even noticed.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:14, closed)

okay dear
you just keep pretending that the nice nurse was a real doctor.

I also don't think that was a speculum. Speculi don't buzz when you twist the base.

edit - nice edit.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:21, closed)

Auch, come on.
next you'll be telling me they don't need to apply the lube anally either.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:22, closed)

Oh no
they have to do that, how else is the doctor supposed to get close enough to examine your mimsy if his cock keeps getting in the way.

Much better for him to put it up there out of the way.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:24, closed)

Cock Cam
Or so i read..
(Cancer Joy was short lived, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 13:36, closed)

if


and my gynaecologist will back me up on that.

if he ever manages to find his way out again . . .


bandwagon away !
(The Cats Twat, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 23:57, closed)