HypocrisyOverheard the other day: "I've told you before - stop swearing in front of the kids, for fuck's sake." Your tales of double standards please.
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Scaryduck LIKES EGG, Thu 19 Feb 2009, 12:21)
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The BikeThere was a girl at my school who provided a very, very important service. She should have been given a medal, or at least an honourable mention in the Queens speech.
This girl would allow just about anyone to have a pop at her innards after a couple of pints of snakebite, bless her.
Back in my teenage days if I went to a party and this girl was there, I’d always know that some spotty pubescent prick would approach me after an hour or so and shove their middle finger under my nose, accompanied by a drunken:
“Sniff that, Spanky, that’s what a real woman smells like."
One time a lad at school ambled out of the toilets spinning a used condom like a weird rubber blackjack. It was full of cum on the inside and lady juice on the outside. He spun it in such a way that everyone in the room was splattered in a fine spray of the bike’s sacred secretions. Some people went “Eeeewwwweeee!!!”, but I actually secretly enjoyed it. It was fucking sexy. But I wanted so much more than to be showered in second hand fanny batter.
I went up to the fella with the used condom and said: “Fuck it, I’m gonna go for it – where’s the snakebite, I’ll go and offer her a refill... in more ways than one.”
To which the fella’s eyes widened with horror: “That is fucking disgusting, Spanky. You really are a dirty little fucker , aren’t you?”
And he ambled off, draping the used condom over his shoulder like a trophy, a badge of honour.
Unfortunately before I could get into the toilets to have a crack at the bike, some other fella sneaked in before me. I could see he was holding a bottle of cider in one hand and lager in the other.
Bollocks. Missed my chance.
He came out a few minutes later, tucking his shirt into his trousers, and the bike followed looking rather tired and sweaty and definitely not up for anymore humping.
But it was a long summer that year, and opportunity would knock again. I had to make do that night with wanking into a sock and rubbing the lady juice that had splattered my face onto my fingers and into my mouth.
A few days later on the bus into school I told my best mate Greg about my plan to ride the bike.
He just said: “That's fucking sick,” and continued looking out the window.
“But you’ve had a go on her, haven’t you, Greg...”
“Well, that’s different...”
And I just sort of whispered. “Hypocrite... Just like everyone else...”
To which Greg sighed and said, “No, Spanky – I just think that there’s something seriously wrong with you. I mean, she’s your sister, you sick cunt.”
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SpankyHanky, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 10:30,
14 replies)
Didn't expect that...*bokes*
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Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Mon 23 Feb 2009, 10:33,
closed)
You!Are a very naughty boy! *click*
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 10:34, closed)
Eugh!Clicks. Erm, is you sister, er, seeing anyone at the, uh, moment?
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 10:36, closed)
Hook, line and sinker*clicks*
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 10:46, closed)
hehehelaugh out load that is - click
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 10:57, closed)
Urghhh!Thats disgusting! But I still clicked!
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 10:59, closed)
Ha ha ha ha!!!Hooked right to the last line! Click!
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 14:27, closed)
Hook, Line and SisterClicks
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 14:53, closed)
I was balls deep in that storyRight up until the last line. *click*
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 21:47, closed)
Lol'dAnd he ambled off, draping the used condom over his shoulder like a trophy, a badge of honour.
Brilliant.
*click*
(, Mon 23 Feb 2009, 23:45, closed)
Ha!Right up til the last line! click!
(, Tue 24 Feb 2009, 13:20, closed)
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