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This is a question I'm Sorry I've Written A Joke

Challenge: write a joke. As simple joke with a setup and a punchline.

RULES OF ENGAGEMENT - IGNORING THIS COULD RESULT IN BAN

* Don't steal jokes - write them
* Don't flood post
* Just don't be a dick ok?

So join in and write a bad joke and apologise for it.

Read Latest | Highest Voted

(, Wed 8 Aug 2018, 9:00)
Pages: Latest, 49, 48, 47, 46, 45, 44, 43, 42, 41, 40, 39, 38, ... 1

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Took a job in the local aluminum foundry, and on my first shift I let out a silent fart...
...it smelt.
(, Wed 7 Jun 2023, 11:29, 4 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
I tried a cannabis/ towel blend…
…it left me high and dry.
(, Tue 6 Jun 2023, 20:59, Reply)
I can’t afford my girlfriend anymore…
She wants a golden shower and a pearl necklace!
(, Tue 6 Jun 2023, 12:30, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
What do you call a red deer stag with only one bollock?
The monorch of the glen.
(, Tue 6 Jun 2023, 8:29, Reply)
I think there’s something wrong with me…
Everything I eat turns to shit.
(, Mon 5 Jun 2023, 20:47, Reply)
Why did the chicken cross Rhodes?
To get to Side.
(, Sat 3 Jun 2023, 9:38, Reply)
Q. Why is American tea so awful?
A. *Breaking news* Ten killed in mall shooting including 3 children
(, Fri 2 Jun 2023, 16:52, Reply)
I've got a business converting attics into sailing boats
sails are going through the roof
(, Fri 2 Jun 2023, 14:00, 2 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
A mate started a musical instrument restoring business...
... first job someone gave him a rusty trombone .
(, Fri 2 Jun 2023, 12:54, Reply)
I took up a mate's offer to shove cuddly toy bears up his backside for him
I was thrilled to finally get ass teddy job
(, Thu 1 Jun 2023, 12:37, Reply)
I took up a mate's offer to help people with broken fingers get physical therapy
I was thrilled to finally get a hand job
(, Tue 30 May 2023, 20:06, Reply)
I took up a mate's offer to sell hoover's for him
I was thrilled at first, but in the end the job sucked
(, Tue 30 May 2023, 19:59, Reply)
What do you call an artificially intelligent poo?
ShatGPT
(, Tue 30 May 2023, 10:30, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
I took up a mate's offer to sell evacuate his bowels for him
I was thrilled to finally get a jobby job
(, Tue 30 May 2023, 8:35, Reply)
I took up a mate's offer to start plane engines manually by spinning the propeller for him
I was thrilled to finally get a propper job
(, Tue 30 May 2023, 8:30, Reply)
I took up Rob's offer to write a joke for him
I was thrilled to finally get a manual job
(, Mon 29 May 2023, 23:45, Reply)
Disgusting cornershop dude
The guy in the off licence got caught licking all the pick n mix. We called environmental health on him.-----He got away with it apparently he had a 'licker licence!'
(, Sun 28 May 2023, 19:59, 2 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
One for the polylinguists
I was getting very tired out while my Dutch friend and I were building a replica longship - mostly because I was very hungry and had forgotten to bring the right tools... so I said:

"Hé maat, kun je ons wat boterhammen brengen, alsjebleift?
(, Fri 26 May 2023, 12:33, Reply)
Which Hollywood actor donated most of his earnings to Big Pharma?
Apothecary Grant!
(, Thu 25 May 2023, 14:58, Reply)
I took up a mate's offer to sell cannabis resin for him
I made a hash of it
(, Tue 23 May 2023, 8:12, 1 reply, 1 year ago)
I took up a mate's offer to sell cocaine for him
I was thrilled to finally get a blow job
(, Mon 22 May 2023, 22:00, Reply)
Which popular reggae singer is a weapon-wielding weirdo from Qo'noS?

P'takh Bat'leth!
(, Tue 16 May 2023, 10:39, 2 replies, latest was 1 year ago)
I asked my proctologist for a second opinion, so he used two fingers.

(, Sun 7 May 2023, 4:24, 1 reply, 2 years ago)
What does Liz Truss call her new shop selling bespoke multipurpose cutlery?

Spork Markets!
(, Wed 3 May 2023, 12:11, 8 replies, latest was 2 years ago)
My dick is so big I've decided to enter it in the Eurovision Schlong Contest.
I just hope it's cheesey enough to win.
(, Sun 30 Apr 2023, 13:21, 1 reply, 2 years ago)
What do you call a chemical that only kills vintage VW cars
Herbiecide
(, Fri 21 Apr 2023, 19:57, Reply)
Which Suffragette was famed for her love of practical jokes?
Emmeline Prankhurst!
(, Tue 18 Apr 2023, 8:40, 1 reply, 2 years ago)
Which mexican drug lord had perfect lips?
El Chapo Stick
(, Mon 17 Apr 2023, 22:36, Reply)
What sort of lizard should someone give to their best buddy?
A skink for a friend.
(, Thu 13 Apr 2023, 10:50, Reply)
I'm having trouble understanding Paul Chuckle's new solo project set in Athens.
It's all Greek to me.
(, Thu 13 Apr 2023, 9:31, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

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