What’s black and white and red all over?
A Suicidal Goth.
( atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sat 24 Jun 2023, 19:20, 3 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

The time my daughter re-wrote the unspoken punchline in her head.
So, since I last posted on QOTW. I've bought a house, settled down, and now have two kids. 9 and 11. But I still live in Sweden.

My favourite joke has - for long time - been a duo:

Q - Why did Sally fall off the swings?
A - Because she doesn't have any arms.

Followed by ...

Knock-knock!
Who's there?
NOT SALLY!!!

This has made my kids giggle for ages, and the other day I heard my daughter tell it to group of friends during a sleepover.

She executed the Swings bit faultlessly: lots of giggles.

And then moves on to prt2.... Knock knock?
(Chorus of "who's there?)
NOT SALLY - BECAUSE SHE FELL OFF THE SWING AND DIED!!!!
(Stunned silence)

I prefer her gloomy interpretation and death-metal delivery, so I'm not gonna tell her.
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Sat 24 Jun 2023, 8:26, Reply)

What day of the week do Witches hate the most?
Friday.
( atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Jun 2023, 18:17, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

What day of the week do Vampires hate the most?
Sunday.
( atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Fri 23 Jun 2023, 18:16, Reply)

What's the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
One makes money, the other spends it.
( Woodkovsky ☹️➝🚻➝🚽➝😣➝💩➝🧻➝😁, Fri 23 Jun 2023, 10:02, Reply)

I used to go out with a girl who always counted backwards.
She was very negative.
( atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 22 Jun 2023, 18:14, Reply)

arseboon dilbaro?
arseboon dilbaro
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 22 Jun 2023, 17:14, 1 reply, 2 years ago)

We’ll never go to rob’s house for dinner again…
He refused to cook until we went out to buy vegetables first.
I said, “What are we…your potato shopping bitches?!”
( atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 22 Jun 2023, 16:12, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

What's the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
One took it upon itself to remove the accounts of a hundred users for telling jokes, the other got Pa to ban ton.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 22 Jun 2023, 16:07, 1 reply, 2 years ago)

What’s the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
One is washing and the other is washed up.
( atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 22 Jun 2023, 13:42, Reply)

What's the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
Your Mum might still be alive in 5 years.
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Thu 22 Jun 2023, 12:35, Reply)

What’s the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
One of them is filled with bitter middle-aged men
( Cheers Cheers, Thu 22 Jun 2023, 11:02, 1 reply, 2 years ago)

What’s the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
Nothing. I fucked them both.
( atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Thu 22 Jun 2023, 3:48, 1 reply, 2 years ago)

What’s the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
One of them is old and confused and tells the same few jokes over and over.
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Wed 21 Jun 2023, 18:11, Reply)

I tried a cannabis/extruded metal blend…
but it left me wired
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 21 Jun 2023, 13:37, Reply)

I used to go out with a girl who was always counting
Her name was Abby Cuss
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 21 Jun 2023, 13:36, Reply)

Did you hear about the investor who enjoyed making broths by simmering vegetables snd fragrant plants in water, then storing them in the freezer by type?
He made some very cool soup (herb) stock placement decisions
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 21 Jun 2023, 13:34, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

What’s the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
One of them is old and confused and tells the same few jokes over and over.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Wed 21 Jun 2023, 13:27, Reply)

I used to go out with a girl who was always counting
I wonder what she's up to now
(sticklebrlcks that's Mr Bricks to you 🍎, Wed 21 Jun 2023, 9:28, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

Did you hear about the investor who enjoyed making broths by simmering meat and vegetables in water, then storing them in the freezer by type?
...He had a good stock portfolio.
(lladoog once licked never beaten, Tue 20 Jun 2023, 16:03, Reply)

When my ex left, she took my whole stock of hurdles with her.
I'll never get over them
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 20 Jun 2023, 0:06, Reply)

I took up a mate's offer to help him steal atm card info
It's just pin money
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Tue 20 Jun 2023, 0:00, Reply)

I took up a mate's offer to help him at his bakery.
I knead the bread.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 19 Jun 2023, 23:55, Reply)

I took up a mate's offer to go busking with him, wearing a little drum at my hip.
I've been looking for a side gig.
( mofaha ┐( ˘_˘)┌ ʅ(́◡◝)ʃ, Mon 19 Jun 2023, 23:49, Reply)

When my ex left, she took my whole stock of Viagra with her.


Still, no hard feelings.
(SonofRojBlake, Mon 19 Jun 2023, 0:15, Reply)

What’s the difference between b3ta and your Mum?
Nothing. They’re both whores.
( atomic A-bomb-a-nation, Sat 17 Jun 2023, 20:26, Reply)

Which sensationalist right-wing rag gives you all the gossip on 1980s decathletes?
The Daily Daley.
( Turtle Power & Knuckles, Fri 16 Jun 2023, 18:46, 2 replies, latest was 2 years ago)

Which TV presenter has a stinger at the end of her penis?
Holly Willybee
(The Porcupine From Purgatory we of all lost both have them, Wed 14 Jun 2023, 13:55, 7 replies, latest was 2 years ago)