I swear it's true...
Once upon a time, I arrived at my then employer's Manchester office. As I walked through the door, I overheard a fellow employee who I shall refer to as 'stet', for those are his initials, on the phone. He said something along the lines of "Well, if you won't do your job, you useless fat cow, I'll find someone who will!". He then hurled the phone down.

I was somewhat taken aback. I mean, I knew this person, and I knew that he was a most unpleasant person, but this was the first time I'd heard this.

I settled myself at another desk, a safe distance away, and started setting up my laptop. Just then, my personal mobile rang, showing my brother's number. I answered it, puzzled.

"Do you know someone called stet?" my bro asked.

"I do," I replied. "He has long amazed me, in that I had no idea shit stacked so high. As far as I know, his talents have no beginning, and he exists solely to piss people off, and act as a warning to the others. Were I to find him on fire, I would not stoop to piss on him. Why do you ask?"

My brother asked me to say that again. So I did, perhaps adding some more insults along the way. When I wound down, a woman thanked me politely.

"Who are you?" I said, confused. It turned out that she'd been the person on the other end of the conversation that I'd overheard. She couldn't believe it, and neither could I.

In the end, I apologised on behalf of the company, and suggested she put in a formal complaint. She did.

Three days later, we had a company email to the effect that we no longer dealt with that company. Oops. I did that. Oh well.
(purplegod counting down for Christmas!, Fri 5 Oct 2007, 21:20, Reply)