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This is a question Irrational Hatred

People who say "less" when they mean "fewer" ought to be turned into soup, the soup fed to baboons and the baboons fired into an active volcano. What has you grinding your teeth with rage, and why?

Suggested by Smash Monkey

(, Thu 31 Mar 2011, 14:36)
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I don't know how irrational this really is given that some of these things are genuinely annoying, but my level of annoyance is probably irrational given the right of everyone to use the pavement and in complete contrast to my usual easy-going attitude. So here goes...

When walking through a busy city at rush hour why do people give no thought whatsoever to how they walk and where they stand?! For these hectic couple of hours the pavements essentially become highways for tired and stressed people to get home to their families and/or a cold beer. So follow these simple rules:

1: If the pavement is 2-people wide, don't walk in the sodding middle of it. Leave a gap on one side for people to overtake or to walk past you in the opposite direction.

2: Walk *along* the pavement, don't walk on some random diagonal which slowly moves you from one side of the pavement to the other. This particularly pisses me off as it means that I think I can overtake you on one side and then suddenly there's not enough space to get by.

3: Don't suddenly stop to get your phone out/look in a shop/tie your shoelace without checking that no-one behind you is going to walk into you.

4: Don't walk 4 abreast towards me in the expectation that I will step into the gutter/traffic just so that you can carry on with your inane conversation with your friends.

5: If you have the choice, walk on the left. That way, the person who may have to step into the traffic is facing the oncoming traffic and can see whether it is safe to do so.

6: If you are standing waiting for a bus/friend/epiphany/whatever take a second to think about where people seem to want to walk and then stand somewhere else. Particularly if you are a member of a group of bum-fluff-moustached French school kids, consider that you (as a group) are blocking the entire fucking pavement!

7: You may love your wheelybag, to everyone else it is a device specifically designed to trip them over and/or whack them in the shins. So get it out of the way. What's that? I've kicked your bag... why don't I look where I'm going? I was you twat! Where I'm going is 50 yards over there not 1ft in front of me at knee height.

8: Don't stop at the top of an escalator to get your bearings or adjust your grip on your wheelybag or I will walk into/over you to avoid getting trampled by the people behind me.

9: If you don't know where you're going, take a moment before stepping out of the door to find out or step to the side of the pavement to look at your map. Sightseeing's lovely, but 5:30pm on a Tuesday at the busiest intersection in the city is probably not the best time and place to do it.

10: (The Golden Rule) There is always someone who wants to walk faster than you, consider how you might be holding them up.

Apologies for length/bindunness etc.
(, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 16:11, 9 replies)
Number 4 alone earns a click
Or even two abreast. I don't think I'd survive a stroll down Oxford Street of an afternoon.
(, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 16:37, closed)
On a similar note
If you wish to cross the road, do not just step out in front of the traffic and expect it to slow down/stop for you. This seems to happen more and more near where I live, and one day one of the local chavs will catch me in the wrong mood and end up with an imprint of my car's front grille badge on their arse.
(, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 17:36, closed)
Even though that was all perfectly rational
(, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 17:40, closed)
As I mentioned in another reply: I tend to just walk into people who stand in the middle of the pavement -- I decided that if they're rude and inconsiderate enought to block the pavement they won't be bothered if I'm rude enough to push past them. Same goes for the twats who linger at the top of stairs and escalators and in doorways.
(, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 18:08, closed)
This, oh so much.
I think there should be a walking proficiency test at school. Would shave minutes of my life (and tens off my blood pressure).
(, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 19:22, closed)
Also pressing the stop button on crossings without checking if the road is already clear

(, Tue 5 Apr 2011, 20:55, closed)
There is a solution
Two, in fact.

First, wear a suit, smile at people, and hold a clipboard. It's like parting the red sea.

Second, I don't quite know how it works, but if you walk along either looking straight down or at your phone (i.e. clearly not looking where you're going) all the idiots who couldn't see you before magically notice you and get out of the way. 100% fact.
(, Wed 6 Apr 2011, 18:07, closed)
A variation on #2...
... is the thousand-yard stare approach. Just fix your gaze over the heads of everyone else on your destination and keep walking. Don't acknowledge the existence of other people and they will usually get out of your way.

It's a bit of an arsey thing to do though.
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 11:12, closed)
I plan to start a campaign
To have a white line painted down the length of all pavements. On the shop-side of the line, you are permitted to stop, chat to your friends, browse the menu in the window, stand on your head and whistle Ave Maria, or whatever else takes your fancy.

But on the outer side of the line, you will be expected to KEEP BLOODY MOVING.

Anyone dawdling or blocking this lane can be pushed into the traffic with impunity
(, Thu 7 Apr 2011, 10:27, closed)

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