The other night
I was on the phone to my friend. She had her first kid last summer. She put me on speaker phone so she could make the child's bottle while talking to me.

"The baby was up all night," she said, "She's teething. She nearly crawled today. She was sick over me last night. She's grown out of all her clothes."

She paused. "Are you listening to me?" she asked.

"Yeah, mostly," I muttered.

"It's because you don't have kids," she said.

"No, it's because it's fucking boring," I replied. And hung up.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:19, 15 replies)

*clicks*
*awards medal for bravery*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:22, closed)

Yes.
Children are fucking boring. I don't like them, and never will, despite the protestations of my colleagues that "I'll love my own when I have them". I'm not bloody well going to have them, am I? Because I DON'T LIKE THEM. Argh.

I had to go to a colleague's house yesterday to sort out some files. She couldn't come to the office as she's pregnant (again). She hardly does any work, as she keeps having "childcare issues". And when I got to her house, she wasted an hour showing me pictures of her little brat in the snow! "Look, it's **** in the snow taked from a slightly different angle! Isn't that cute!?"

/and breathe...

Sorry, but people forcing their kids onto me to try and make me like them just pisses me off.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:23, closed)

exactly
I actually wouldn't mind having a couple of my own, but I don't give a shit about anyone elses. Nor would I inflict mine on the world, oh no. They'll be sequestered 'til they're old enough to construct a valid and logical argument and hold their own in an interesting conversation.
( crackhouseceilidhband Fuck off back to Mumsnet, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:24, closed)

Agrees!
And clicks.
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:25, closed)

Yes!
*clickaroo*
( Devil_In_Tights the *real* DiT!, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:27, closed)

*clicks*
And again for the child sequestration concept.

*clicks*

Bugger, can't click twice.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:29, closed)

Some of my girlfriends friends
have had babies recently. Now I quite like looking at the occasional baby photo, as long as said baby is cute, but I agree with Bobfossil, after the third shot of a small pink child wrapped in blanket, they all look the bloody same!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:29, closed)

Rant Mode Engaged
Some parents are under the mistaken belief that simply because Tarquin\Chardonnay\Damien\etc is the absolute centre of their world, then they are by default the very centre of yours too.

A while back I was visiting the Science Museum and was absolutely desperate for a whizz and in a major hurry to get to the gents. However, oblivious to the chaos they were causing, little Byron's parents thought he should - at this exact moment in time - learn how to climb the steps and open the door I was trying to get through at warp speed to prevent wet trousers.

Grrr....
(Bicycle Repairman "you're also a bit of a wanker", Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:33, closed)

Rant! Rant! Rant!
Go PJM Go PJM Go! Go PJM Go PJM GO!
(Bazongaloid, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:38, closed)

I agree - kids are pretty dull
if they're not your own. And to be fair your own are pretty dull most of the time anyway. Even i didn't want to talk about teething/walking/pooing all over me when Penguin junior was a baby.

The first thing you want to do after having a baby is start to feel like a person (not parent) and talking about all that stuff just makes it worse.

My own is tolerable but i don't really want to be surrounded by other people's kids. Is this harsh? I am pretty miserable anyway.
(The Ginger Penguin la la la la la la, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 15:43, closed)

^^^^^^THIS!!!!!!!!
I have kids.
I love my kids (some of the time).
Some of my friends have kids.
Some of my friends have entertaining kids.

Some of my now ex-friends have dull kids and have become unbelievably dull themselves.

I don't want to talk about nappies, poo, teething, more poo, schools, poo.

Okay, that's not entirely true. I'll talk about poo. Just not baby poo. Unless it's funny.
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Thu 17 Apr 2008, 16:39, closed)

Are you people telling me that my kids *aren't* the center of the universe?
I had no idea. I really didn't.


@ BobFossil: watch that saying never bit. I too was never going to have kids........got knocked up twice while on birth control.
( flirting with badgers What? It sounded good at the time., Thu 17 Apr 2008, 21:15, closed)

Kids
I only talk about my kid when he does things I approve of. Such as running around the room screaming "CATCATCAT" whenever Joel's crusha adverts come on TV (He is 1.8).

Mostly kids, especially at the cry - poo - cry - eat - eat - eat - eat - poo - poo - cry - vomit stage are boring as an empty bottle of whiskey.
(oeb, Fri 18 Apr 2008, 9:42, closed)

Yep
It's not like if you DID have kids, it would be less boring. I don't have children now but I refuse to believe such trivial talk will entertain me if I ever do decide to breed.
(BrainSurgerysFun, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 0:14, closed)

YAY BobFossil
I too don't want kids. I don't like Kids. And i'm sure as shit not going to like my own. I barely like myself most of the time and am too neurotic. but mostly its cos i DON"T LIKE KIDS. I believe it stems for working 4 chrstmases (spelling?) in a toy shop. I really really hate it when people say you'll fell different about your own Doubt it.
(electrogirl no one thinks about the implications of a clown su, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 14:22, closed)