A cautionary tale
.
A story in today's newspaper (not the Sun) reminded me of a childhood incident ...

A new bloke had moved into our street. Average suburban street, council houses, every house had at least two kids. Why they stuck a single bloke there is anyone's guess. My Dad was a great one for gardening, and this bloke seemed to share his enthusiasm. Over the next wee while, they get friendly. He's a regular visitor to the house, polite and chatty, all was normal but for one thing. Me.

I could not stand this bloke - would leave the room when he was there. Wouldn't even say hello to him. Not normal behaviour from a gregarious child - and I was such a child. Parents noted this, but thought little of it.
Time passed, and my aversion never waned. My parents had a works' night out coming up, and this bloke offered to babysit. I heard of the offer and threw the worst tantrum my parents had ever seen. I was terrified they'd go out and leave us with him, but couldn't say why.

Dad asked his younger sister to babysit instead, but at the night out had been telling his secretary's husband about my mental fit. This guy was a cop, and offered to "look up" this new neighbour in the files. Bear in mind this was the 70s, before Data Protection had been invented.

As a result of those enquiries, the police paid a semi-official visit to the neighbour, and suggested strongly that he move on. They had a very thick file on him, and believed he was known to neighbouring forces as well. You've probably worked it all out already, but in case someone's feeling slow today, he was a convicted child molester.

I wasn't told any of that - I was 4 and wouldn't have understood - but I was told when he moved out that if I saw him again I was to tell an adult immediately - any adult. I think the phrase "lynch mob" would have been used if he'd shown his face again.

Today, the papers are always warning single mothers to be wary of this kind of evil c**t. Except they don't always target single mothers, who in my experience are clued up and protective of their children with any new male. There is no doubt in my mind that I was being lined up as his next victim, and had my parents not taken my feelings into consideration, my childhood wouldn't be the golden time I look back on now.

When my daughter, then aged 3, "took against" a workmate MrWitch brought home, I told him in no uncertain terms that the guy wasn't allowed over my doorstep ever again. She may have had no more than a baseless dislike of him, but I was taking no chances. Kids have good instincts (well, we all do, but as we grow up we learn to supress them) and I'd rather ban some harmless bloke from my house than put my girls at risk. To all of you with kids, never ignore their instincts. If they don't trust someone, there has to be a reason. I'm not saying that if kids don't love a new adult, that they're a child molester, but think twice, please.

Sorry for length, and lack of funny. Normal service will be resumed after consumption of some falling-down juice.
(TheWeeWitch hasn't been here much recently .., Sat 19 Apr 2008, 15:09, 9 replies)

Good for you.
It's amazing how much trouble can be averted by trusting one's gut.

(Living in California, it's particularly hilarious, as some people here will go to any length to avoid trusting their instincts because they don't want to "judge" people. If the safety of yourself or your kids are potentially at stake, for god's sake JUDGE!)
(not here, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 15:26, closed)

Yeah brilliant.
If we all thought like that we'd be lynching people on the street for looking slightly dodgy.
(Cuthbert Annihilator, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 17:57, closed)

children dont like me
I has facial hair! and therefore must be evil
( willenium Fist bump for verification, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 19:16, closed)

I totally agree
I was a cute little girl and loved everybody, but I still remember the man on the train. When the train got full he sat me on his lap to make more space and I spent the rest of the trip squirming to get away from him. That must have been 45 years ago.
(whiskas loved by 8 out of 10 cats, Sat 19 Apr 2008, 19:58, closed)

Why oh why
am I willing to bet not here and whiskas are women and Cuthbert and willenium are men?



I'm with you, girls. Your child's dislike of someone may be baseless but what are you willing to bet?


*edit* ok, I'm a dick: not here's a boy. So much for my smart arse remark.
(TDub Nunc id vides, nunc ne vides on, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 8:34, closed)

Obviously what happened to you
is a terrible thing and frankly a lucky escape, but you can't use that one incident to assume that kids will always have a really good reason to dislike an adult. Kids do have irrational dislikes of some people, it most certainly doesn't make them child molesters or even that likely to be child molesters. The vast majority of child abuse is carried out by members of the kids family.

Yes, predatory pedophiles do exist, but they are very rare, and the fear that most parents have is mostly generated by hysterical media reporting and causes more harm than good. Legless's post www.b3ta.com/questions/kids/post144854 makes some good points about the effects these kind of assumptions are having.
(Bazongaloid, Sun 20 Apr 2008, 21:08, closed)

Instincts are usually correct
Whenever I get a creepy feeling from a guy (never had one from a woman) it always turns out that he's a child molester, or aspires to be one. My uncle, a friend's husband, another friend's stepfather... Each of these men, I have disliked instantly and never trusted. Each man was found out as a molester or would-be molester.

I'm now watching my friend's boyfriend. He gives me the creeps, and I didn't use to pay attention to that feeling... With my past experiences, though, and this story... I am now.
(AlfishKK, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 10:20, closed)

Not all child molesters* are blokes either!
Why is it that if a bloke abuses a young child and gets found out they are (rightly) punished accordingly (mostly). Yet when a woman is found to have done the same all they seem to get is a light rap on the knuckles and told (mostly) not to do it again? In the cases that I have read about anyway - I could be wrong on this.

I accept that men are more likely to engage in this sort of squalid and utterly reprehensible, repugnant behaviour. But there also some depraved women out there as well equally capable of committing vile acts.

(I think that in this case, theWeeWitch was right to trust her daughters instincts, but would hope that she is sufficiently aware to realise that not every strange bloke is a potential threat).

I could also go into a whole rant about the vilification of 'absent fathers' in child maintenance cases, when stats have shown that about 10% of absent parents are actually the mothers.

But I won't.

*Use of word 'paedophile' vetoed on grounds that it might give the sweary one a coronary.
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Mon 21 Apr 2008, 13:47, closed)

I think you are correct.
110 years ago there was a triple murder and double rape at Gatton, Australia. The police made a mess of the case and the culprit was never found. There have been at least three books published on the case. Perhaps the latest one is by a fairly well known trade unionist, Merv Lilley, who accused his father of being the culprit. There were some grounds to back it up and Lilley said his mother was convinced her husband was guilty. The father was a bigamist, violent, and when his mind began to go in advanced age could not be left with children about.

This father had been a farmer and commercial traveler. I mentioned his name to my parents just after reading the book as his farm had not been terribly far from their old stamping grounds.

My late mother said "I knew him. He used to call in at Plainfield (her parent's farm) when I was a little girl. I used to make myself scarce when I saw him coming and so did my sisters."
(Redemption blamed it on the Bossa Nova since, Mon 21 Apr 2008, 14:48, closed)