By vaguely popular demand
I'm posting this as a story instead of as a reply.

To be on-topic, it's a children's tale. Honest.

Goats, monkeys and chickenlady's cock.
Right.

Once upon a time, BobFossil was walking along in the countryside perfectly innocently, when suddenly she heard a fearsome bellow from a nearby barn. "Whatever can that fearsome bellow be?" she thought, and wandered over to investigate.

Peering through a broken window, she saw the following scene: a small monkey and a rooster were spitroasting a poor goat, which was bleating away in agony. To be honest, the monkey and the rooster weren't really having a good time either: the rooster, not being possessed of a penis, was having to make do with sticking his beak up the goat's anus, while the monkey was having his little monkey-cock lacerated by the goat's gnashing teeth.

This rather shocked poor BobFossil, who'd never seen anything so depraved in her life! So she quickly walked away into town, got some cash out, and soothed her bewildered mind by getting GrandMasterFluffles's brother to urinate in her hair.

The End.




If you don't know what brought this about look here: www.b3ta.com/questions/kids/post146597
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:06, 29 replies)

I don't like
This story, I'd never realised the perils of a "goat's gnashing teeth" before...
( Cawl, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:07, closed)

@Kaol
consider yourself luck that Bob warned you then, I learned the hard way. :C

EDIT I just notcied the typo in the header, I'd like to use the word vagy-uely in conversation at some point today.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:11, closed)

I feel violated
but not as much as the goat i guess.

ps Battle was way better than Eagle.
(Halfy By light alone, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:13, closed)

Woohoo!
love it.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:25, closed)

Your a dirty girty.....
We must all start a self help group for women who have no fear of lowering the tone.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:27, closed)

@BGB
You should be queen of the self-help group, chickenlady would be chairperson, and CHCB could be the counsellor.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:29, closed)

And when I mean self help....
I really mean self love.

I get to be Queen, yay!
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:31, closed)

And we could all watch
and supply lube.

EDIT - this would have been funnier one post up, but it still works here.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:31, closed)

I'll take photos
*grins*
( Cawl, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:32, closed)

Why do we need a self-help group?
I feel no shame in having a filthy mind. I celebrate it!
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:34, closed)

We then get to help each other lower the tone in a much more productive way...
You know, tips, queries and relevant reading.
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:35, closed)

@Bob
You corrected the typo!
Now I look like a FOOL.

Yay for being proud of your diseased mind, it should be celebrated.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:35, closed)

@BGB
Ah, like a support-group sort of thing? We could hold seminars and pub(l)ic lectures.

Our logo could be a rooster and a goat, on a rampant field of magenta. Or something. I believe the word "rampant" is used in heraldry.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:39, closed)

@Bert
What do you mean NOW I look like a fool?
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:40, closed)

@BGB
My foolishness rises on a regular basis, Bob has now made it even more visible.

*imagines the support group getting sexy with a goat and a half used monkey*
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:43, closed)

@Bert
Which half of the monkey has been used?
( girlinthehole, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:44, closed)

@Bob
Is that a hint?
*opens photoshop*
( Cawl, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:44, closed)

The left hand side
Right-handed monkeys are a bugger to seduce.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:45, closed)

"Rampant"
In heraldry, means an animal rearing up on its back legs. So you can have a rampant lion (or, indeed, a rampant goat), but not a rampant field.
( le brian, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:45, closed)

^In that case
We shall have a field of magenta, with a rampant monkey on the left, facing a rampant goat on the right.

Perhaps with the figures of Bert and Al trying desperately to roger them senseless.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:50, closed)

Bagsy
the goat.

No, the monkey...

Goat...

Monkey...

I CAN'T CHOOSE!
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:52, closed)

Bert
You could always choose one, and then swap sides at half time. I'll even give you some oranges to suck on for energy.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 10:53, closed)

@Bob
Them's the rules for a spitroast.
What the the rules for a four-way two man, goat, monkey sex?
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 11:01, closed)

Bert
The first rule of four-way two man, goat, monkey sex is you do not talk about four-way two man, goat, monkey sex.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 11:03, closed)

The second rule is
always bring your own lube.
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 11:06, closed)

Well...


Quick and nasty, I'm afraid...
( Cawl, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 11:30, closed)

^
haha genius!

Where are the small figures of randy Bert and Al though?
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 11:52, closed)

So is this going to be
the official flag of the home of Frigstianity. We could call it Wankican City (see both clever and controversial)
(Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 12:03, closed)

Mwaha!
"The first rule of four-way two man, goat, monkey sex is you do not talk about four-way two man, goat, monkey sex."

BobFossil, you are a genius.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Thu 24 Apr 2008, 12:44, closed)