A Derailed train...
It was Faliraki twelve years ago and six lads, including me, went to that delightful place for the same reasons everybody else does. We found the small wally-trolley train that ferried families to the front immensely funny and would make the 'pull-down' gesture to get the train driver - think convoy truck driver - to ring his bell. We then would point at all the families and shout 'saddo'. It became the habit of the holiday and whenever something fortuitous or funny happened we would all make the 'train' gesture and shout 'Toot toot'.

Two of my friends, (who I shall call Steve and Durham and both with long-term partners, I might add) spent the night with two Polish ladies and slinked off with them in a taxi. Yours truly, had a fallow night and staggered home for sleep.

The next morning, after the microhangover that only the young have, wore off and the rest of us watching Steve and Durham do the walk of triumph. I will not dwell on Durham falling down a cliff as it is not pertinent to the story. Instead, I will talk of their night with the ladies in question.

While Durham was bumping ugly with the one young lady. The other young lady seemed less than interested and the reason why became apparent when Steve went for a wee. It was likely they did not sell tampons in Poland as she had bought Greece's entire stock in her bathroom and this most likely explained her reluctance to have sex with young Steve. He was disappointed but philosophical and did the gentlemanly thing and held her while she slept. Two hours later, he awoke Durham so they could escape while the ladies slept but before he left, he point at the young lady's knickers, where the string of her tampon was visible and poking out. Steve then pulled the string softly and started whispering 'toot toot' and they both laughed. Childish, yes. Funny, a little bit, but the 'toot toot' and gesture gained a whole new meaning to us.

Two weeks later, and we are back in England and I am in the back of a black taxi with Steve, Durham and their girlfriends. Steve's partner then announces to everyone that she had secured a promotion. Cue a massive load of congratulations and me, unthinkingly shouting 'Toot toot' and doing the train gesture. Time stopped. Both Steve and Durham stopped laughing and stared at me. Meanwhile, Durham's partner Helen found this gesture funny and started doing it too. She asked where it came from and Durham then regaled her with the story of the trains in Faliraki and how it was from an R Kelly song - heaven knows where he came up with the second part. But for Helen, it stuck. She would do it to anyone when something good happened, so much so that we accepted it and I did not receive the customary glare from Durham any more.

Five years later, Durham and Helen got wed on a beautiful beach in the Caribbean - I was lucky to be one of twenty guests at the wedding. We were all a bit older and wiser and our days of philandering were long behind us. Steve had met his now wife and was spending his weekends at garden centres, the saddo, and was sat beside me while they gave their vows in the glorious sunshine. The registrar pronounced them husband and wife and she turned to everyone beaming with love and happiness and looked me in the eye and went 'Toot toot'. Durham's baleful glare returned that day, I can testify to that. It was even worse when we returned to a marriage party where she had printed 'Toot toot' on all the napkins.

They divorced some years later. Nothing to do with events in Faliraki, or tampons, or train drivers she said. They'd just grown apart. I nearly told her the entire story then, she was and is a lovely woman but I thought why spoil a happy memory?
(occasionallyfunny, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 14:14, 14 replies)

Tl;DR
gist please?
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 14:18, closed)

Thing happened.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 14:30, closed)

There's a story in there somewhere.
OP doesn't understand commas or subordinate clauses though, so the overwhelming urge is to give up and say "tl;dr" after a couple of sentences rather than wade through any more of it.

Yes, I am aware of how pissy this sounds. Doesn't make it any less true.
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 14:40, closed)

Boys go on holiday to cheat on their girlfriends.
Mixed results. Girlfriends are none the wiser, but everyone learns a funny hand gesture.

Toot, toot.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 16:23, closed)

LOL

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 16:47, closed)

If you have the patience.
It is bloody funny.`
(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 12 Mar 2012, 14:41, closed)

^What Morbidly Obese Eric said^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 14:48, closed)

Now you've confused me.

(The Luggage is haunted..., Mon 12 Mar 2012, 15:01, closed)

Nevermind.
Have another cake.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 15:04, closed)

YOU'RE A FAT VIRGIN

( Light In Chains maker of the ikea sofa, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 15:05, closed)

Ignore the grammar nazis
and have a click
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 14:54, closed)

Maybe I've overalalysed, or missed something
but the part I don't get is why your mate, having been there when the 'innocent' toot toot thing was estabished, would give you the evil eye when you did it.

Far as I can see, you weren't even there for the tampon version.

[edit]

Maybe I spelt overanalysed wrong too.
(username failed moderation, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 15:03, closed)

Don't worry - it contains the word "anal", so everyone's happy.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 15:04, closed)

I wondred that too.
It seemed the "toot toot" thing was already well established before and tanpon-related hijinx so I don't see how it was a lie.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Mon 12 Mar 2012, 17:00, closed)

Clicky from me. Good tale.
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 4:26, closed)