Oops.
In year 8 at school, I developed a 'migraine problem'. They normally sprang up on Wednesdays, just before biology, and often when I hadn't done my homework. Strangely, the medical profession has yet to investigate Wednesdayitis.

This went on for a good couple of months, with strange 'stomach aches' and 'really bad headaches' springing up whenever I didn't have the balls to tell my teachers I hadn't done my homework.
Until January, when I had a seizure and was referred to the hospital for tests to find out whether I was epileptic.
I'm not. Woo!

But.
'Are there any other health problems you want to talk about?' asks the well-meaning consultant.
'Actually, there are these headaches she's been having...' says my well-meaning mum.
Yes, those definitely sound like migraines, they say. And it definitely sounds like you're missing a lot of school because of it. Here, have some tablets. Lots of them. Some to take every day, and some to take when you have a migraine.

I've never had a migraine in my life. Barely even had a headache.

Never trust a 13-year-old who hates school, she'll kill the NHS single-handedly.
(and now for someone completely different, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 19:20, 7 replies)

I had Tuesdayitis
I fucking hated my Chemistry teacher, he was a racist, bullying fuckhead. And then he went on the sick for a bit and the guy we got in to replace him made him look like Nelson Mandela...
( His Popiness the Hole Invaded Poland on, Wed 14 Mar 2012, 23:26, closed)

He made him look South African?

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 0:19, closed)

Probably exposure to silver chloride
Darkens the skin, donchaknow
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 8:57, closed)

Tummy aches...
...I used to fake tummy aches every Thursday to avoid school. On one such Thursday, my mum got fed up and forced me to go to school. My tummy *did* feel a little strange but I was so used to faking it that I convinced myself nothing was wrong and that it was all in my devious little head.
I then collapsed at school and got taken to hospital in an ambulance with a burst appendix and had immediate surgery. After the operation I still wasn't convinced I had a real illness and my young mind thought that they had cut me open to teach me a lesson for my past lies.
(emadex thinks the world will end on, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 5:58, closed)

Hello, Bart.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 10:00, closed)

I pretended I was colour blind once at school
The teacher help up lots of different coloured colouring pencils, and I just said the first colour that came into my head for each one. I doubt I was at all convincing, but they went along with the charade for an hour or so to humour me. Probably. Damnit, maybe I am colour blind.
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 6:46, closed)

Mum would *never* write me notes to get out of PE
no matter what. She was a teacher and dead good at spotting any faking. It was the only lesson I hated and was bad at as well. If I have intelligent unsporty kids I'm DEFINITELY getting them out of PE. Pointless subject. And no, I'm not overweight.
(Petite chien is going to do science to it, Thu 15 Mar 2012, 12:08, closed)