A few more ski resort stories
3.5m/s is a relatively sudden acceleration, so there is a system of springs and pistons in the pole to take the "sting" out of the takeoff. These springs being fucked is why some draglifts almost force your bollocks up and out through your throat when they start up.

Anyway, this bloke arrives at a particularly savage draglift I was working on. ignores the sign saying "remove straps, hold poles in right hand". Grabs lift and rams the button between his legs, triggering takeoff. Also manages to get his left ski pole jammed in the machinery. So the lift is pulling him up at 3.5m/s, the springs are being compressed, and h is being held in place by his left ski pole. Which he can't let go of now, because the strap is tight around his wrist. By the time I'd hit the "stop" button and the machine's inertia had died down, he was horizontal between machine and lift pole, suspended about 4 feet in midair. With a dislocated shoulder and a broken wrist.

On the same lift, I arrived on my snowboard, waved at my colleague, grabbed the pole, to find my bastard colleague was *holding me back* until the springs were fully compressed, before letting me go. I *flew* the first 50 yards or so, before wiping out spectacularly.

Now, I said I'd come back to mechanisms. So, at the business end of a draglift there are two electromechanical bits - the selector and the release. The selector lets one pole through at a time, and teh release is what lets it go when you grab the pole. If the selector is fucked, you might get 2 or 3, or more, poles let go at once, but usually you notice beforehand. You can't let them go up the slope next to each other, or they will lever the cable off the pulleys, so you need to stop the lift, then manually pull the poles *up* the cable until they are separated by a couple of metres each. What happens when your selector is *totally* fucked, it's your first day on the job, and the first "test" pole you fire off results in *two hundred and twenty* lift poles firing off at the same time, I'll leave you to imagine.

Slaloming on draglifts is not recommended, either. c.f. signs. If you manage to pull the cable off the pulleys (not too hard to do) it will either slam into the ground (if you've managed to decable a support pylon), possibly cutting you in two in the process, or shoot up into the air (for compression pylons) and catapult you up with it. I've seen the latter, where a snowboarder had fallen, was being dragged by the pole and hadn't let go, decabled a compression at which point he was forced to let go and the 7-8 year old behind him got a trip up and over the other side of the lift...
(m.auron, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 21:21, 15 replies)

Are you also a cunt when it isn't snowing?

( Dr Preference AjcuiVd289, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 21:25, closed)

Wow, straight to the cunt-calling
Can't really see the need for it in this case. Interesting post, I thought.
( flatfrog Staring vacantly into space, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 22:00, closed)

I think you've missed the point of b3ta, you stupid fucking cunt.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 22:03, closed)

Yes.
Aren't you?
(m.auron, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 5:16, closed)

Well that was almost the dullest thing I've ever bothered to read on here.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 22:41, closed)

I'm getting the impression from this bellend's posts that he is/was incredibly negligent at his job.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 23:00, closed)

Just be thankful that there's been no 'oh man chalet girls are well dirty' tales.
Yet.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 23:51, closed)

Skiing seems to offer more opportunities than most popular sports for getting cut in half.
You wouldn't think that, would you?
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 22:43, closed)

Train surfing still leads that scoreboard
(Carpe Cyprinidae, Tue 10 Sep 2013, 23:24, closed)

I can never find a board big enough to fit the wheels on

(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 10:21, closed)

Given the remarkable number of tales this chap has relating methods of being cut in half by skiing machinery
it's almost remarkable that almost no-one ever has been.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 8:55, closed)

3.5m/s is a relatively slow speed.
..not an acceleration.

/pedant
(fastandfurryous What was the question again?, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 14:52, closed)

It is indeed, and if I hadn't incompetently fucked up my posting, that sentence would have made more sense.
(m.auron, Wed 11 Sep 2013, 17:05, closed)

Would the story have been any less dull?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 9:32, closed)

Seeing how even AB managed an original tale this week, can I be the first to ask you -
"So your story is?"
(s0ckpuppet logging out to reply to you if you're not careful, Thu 12 Sep 2013, 9:45, closed)