You tell me, have a go through my private emails and let me know.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:07, 1 reply)

You did it again!
Patels are ringing! That is just priceless! What a gem - I'm gonna sing it at carol service this year. Can't wait to see the look on the vicar's face!

Patels are ringing! It's just SO clever. The way you took 'bells' and changed it to 'Patels' - it rhymes AND it's funny!

Patels are ringing! It just gets funnier and funnier!
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:10, closed)

Are you feeling OK, Albert?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:14, closed)

Stop! Please stop!
Patels are ringing!

How did you come up with that? I have to know. You must be some kind of super-comedian! I don't think I've ever read anything so funny.

Ding dong merrily on high...in heaven Patels are ring-ing! Witty, satirical, political - and above all, hilarious!

You're killing me!
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:17, closed)

Get a hold of yourself, man.
You're really starting to worry me now.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:20, closed)

He's a compulsive masturbator.
The last thing you should ask him to do is 'get a hold of himself'.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:22, closed)

No way!
You, worried? The author of the funniest line ever written? You shouldn't be worried, with your £millions and your sold out tours and your multi-platinum selling DVD's.

No, you've got no need to worry. A comedian of your level has nothing to worry about whatsoever.

What will you think of next? Can you do one about Mohammed? Please!

Patels are ringing! Jeez...I'll never tire of that one!
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:23, closed)

Do you live near a nuclear power plant?

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:27, closed)

No!
But if you do...I'm moving next to one tomorrow! If nuclear power has given you the ability to come up with the 'Patels' line - then I'm diving straight into the reactor!

Can you sing it with me? Please?

1...2...3...altogether now:

"Ding dong merrily on high, in heaven Patels are ringing!"

Can I buy it? Is it available to download? You've got a sure-fire Xmas No.1 single there! Patels are ringing! The country will LOVE it!
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:32, closed)

Albert.
'No self-awareness' was last week.

Do keep up now, there's a good nonce.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:33, closed)

Also: SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:35, closed)

Also: SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:29, closed)

SP

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:30, closed)

SP

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:30, closed)

SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:33, closed)

SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:31, closed)

SP

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:32, closed)

SP

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:36, closed)

What.
The.
Fuckery?
( GeordieJay Bummers are deaf, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:56, closed)

I think Albert's having some 'problems' at the moment.

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:57, closed)

Albert, you sound like you have a headache.
Maybe you should have one of these bumbles I bought from a creepy nonce, they appear to be the same size and consistency as paracetamol, maybe they'll do the trick.

PLEASE DON'T WANK OVER MY EMAILS!!!!
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:16, closed)

Wanking?
How can I wank at a time like this? I'm having uncontrollable fits of laughter.

Have you read the Patel line? You try wanking after reading that...you'll barely be able to speak!

Patels are ringing! You see he substituted 'bells' for 'Patels' - isn't that just the greatest?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:26, closed)

No Albert.
It is a tribute to the amusingly-named Indian sportsman Semen Patel.

I realise that it doesn't involve creepy noncing, or painfully obvious lies like that one up there, or the one about playing with the ghost of a little girl, or your story about the Nazi gold, or any of the other aforementioned painfully obvious lies; but that doesn't preclude it from being a joke, or being funny.

HTH xx.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:30, closed)

Also: SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:32, closed)

Sorry, how could I forget?
SP
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:32, closed)

SP?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:33, closed)

SP!

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:33, closed)

well according to some internet slang site, "The definition of SP is "Sex Party" or "Spelling" or "Starting Price""

I'm none the wiser.
( quackpipe swings like a pendulum do, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:36, closed)

Also: SP

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:37, closed)

SP...

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:34, closed)

I agree!
It's the funniest thing I've ever, ever seen.

Patels are ringing! And now you tell me there's a Semen Patel? Oh that's just too much. Your humour knows no bounds.

Can we try it with Semen Patel? Let me have a crack...be patient...it's my first time:

'Ding dong merrily on high, Semen Patel is singing.'

How'd I do?
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:37, closed)

You did it noncily, as always.

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:38, closed)

From a comedic master such as yourself
I'll take that as a massive fucking compliment!

Please tell me your sig isn't just for Christmas? Will you stick around for the new year too? Just knowing that you're out there, somewhere, singing the Patel song will make me all happy inside.

x
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:41, closed)

Noncily is never a compliment.
And the sig has nothing to do with Xmas, soz bbz.
(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:47, closed)

Sry...
Got you confused with The Master there. Your sig is your sig. But it don't compare with the 'Patels' sig.

Will he be keeping it after Xmas? Can you ask him for me? I get a bit shy around legends.
( Albert Marshmallow is a completely irredeemable cunt, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:51, closed)

Why not email him and ask?

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:53, closed)

Also: SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:55, closed)

SP?

(Reverend Fister "a disciplined fuckwit", Thu 6 Dec 2012, 17:03, closed)

SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 17:09, closed)

SP

(dozers, do fuck off ur a nob m8, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 17:10, closed)

SP

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:41, closed)

S

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:42, closed)

P

( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:42, closed)

A

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:55, closed)

M

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Thu 6 Dec 2012, 16:56, closed)