Become a Mum ...
Many b3tans have posted their various tales of 'I love/hate [delete as applicable] my Mum and [insert details here]'. I found myself wondering how many of you know what it is like to become a Mum.

Well, I personally found it to be the most degrading experience of my life.

One year I was riding the Y2K wave into the Euro changeover earning bucketloads and living the life, and the next, I was standing in line with chain smoking, toddler thwacking, arse scratching, burberry clad mouth breathers.

Becoming a Mum is the greatest possible social demotion, short of declaring yourself bankrupt. I was now, on the surface at least, not readily distinguishable from the professional breeding pond scum that infect every Place of Commerce or Point of Public Transport.

We moved somewhere nicer, things got better, Sprog No. 1 got bigger and I started to think about returning to work. Very quickly, I realised that the difference between a Stay-at-Home Mum and a Stuck-at-Home Mum was access to available, affordable childcare. Well I struck out there. Moot point anyway, I was preggers with Sprog No. 2.

And so the past 6 years have past in a fog of menial jobs that I wish I could hire an illegal for. Not to say that the fog isn't rose tinted sometimes. My sprogs are pretty cool little people.

Whilst Motherhood is worthwhile, not many realise the extraordinary sacrifices required. I changed from an equal partner to a dependant almost overnight. I exist on my husband's largess. Luckily, he's good for it. So many other ladies are not so lucky.

Now, about that job. Hmmm ... my CV is six years old and as stale as Wensleydale and there's a Recession on.
(Que?, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 3:18, 16 replies)

Being a parent is less than it's cracked up to be.
I wasn't intending to go into this, but it seems like a good time to do so: it seems to me that most of the people who want babies so badly that they can't imagine any other way are the ones who watched the Brady Bunch (or similar sitcoms that came later) and played with Barbie and Ken and were good little churchgoing deists. (I don't think it especially applies to one faith.) They bought into the mythos that the formula to happiness is to marry and have kids, because that's what all of the trusted adults have been telling them since childhood.

The truth is that having kids is a MAJOR commitment of your time and resources and overall life. When you have a kid you're then pretty well tethered to them for the next twenty-odd years until they can support themselves- and even then they still need you a lot. But for the first ten years of their lives, YOU HAVE NO OTHER LIFE. They're infinitely demanding and selfish and, if you're doing it right, there's no escape from it. I think that if the truth were taught in place of the fuzzy happy myths about family life, the birth rate would drop faster than pants on prom night.

My ex was one of these. She completely bought into it to the extend that she was begging me for kids at the age of 22. When I finally gave in five years later she was elated, until the 3am feedings and diapers and getting the kids to daycare started to hit in earnest and she really understood what she had taken on. Then she turned into a bitter bitch who felt that she was utterly overloaded and put upon, despite the fact that she worked half time while I worked full time and that I cooked, cleaned, fed and changed diapers on an equal basis with her. She still screams when our grown kids put any sort of demand on her.

I, on the other hand, knew exactly what I was getting into from the start- hence my reluctance to do it at an early age. I held off until 27 and had the last by 30, when I had the surgery. I've taken it in stride that the kids need me and need my attention, and that they're my primary job while my career has been just something to pay the bills. I gave up going out with friends for pool and beer for about 15 years, and still rarely do it- because the kids do in fact still need me a fair bit.

Were I to do it all over again, would I have kids? I don't know. Probably not. I've missed a lot of opportunities due to parenthood- but I have to admit, I'm very glad to know the three adults that my kids have become.
( Wanderer, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 4:19, closed)

^ this ... a lot
Parenthood might be a lot easier for most if they didn't buy into the simpering disneyfied sweetness of sitcoms, just as Relationships might be easier for most if they didn't believe in all that Mills and Boon crap.

Kids are great. But motherhood (or Primary Caregiverhood, if you prefer) is, for the most part, a crushingly dull menial job in an office you can never leave.

Still, after I posted the above, I went to pick up 6yo daughter from school and 3yo daughter decided to go for a swim, in a puddle. Gosh she's cute.
(Que?, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 6:11, closed)

Which is why I'll never have kids
On the otherhand your kids are lucky to have a mum like you.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 5:19, closed)

really?
I gave up work for the first 3 years of my kids life and thought it was fantastic.

I didn’t find being in the presence or working class people as shocking as you, and the ‘menial tasks’ don’t take any where near as much effort as working for a living, leaving lots of time for hobbies, socialising etc.

I look back on it as the most relaxing enjoyable time of my life.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Wed 17 Feb 2010, 9:12, closed)

I find ...
the use of the phrase 'working class' as a euphemism for the breeding class to be both an oxymoron and an insult to those who work hard on minimum wage.
(Que?, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 23:18, closed)

Degrading? Oh FFS
the agony!!! Get over yourselves, If your children are such a burden give them away. When my wife died I had to quit a £35,000 a year job because of the need to be near to home and 9/5. My social life all but disapeared, we now exist near to the breadline whilst I work an extremely poorly paid job, full time, whilst raising my daughter and studying for an OU degree to improve our lives. Apart from missing my wife would I change anything, hell no. Every time my daughter smiles or hugs me its all worthwhile and at least she will grow up knowing both sides of life rather than a spoiled pampered little princess who cannt hack the real world.
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 9:43, closed)

i wish i could click this twice..

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 19:40, closed)

How very sad ...
Sorry to hear it. I hope your kids appreciate you all the more. Good luck with the degree.
(Que?, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 23:32, closed)

See also
All your friends without kids will scratch you out of the diary for the next 20 years, and drift away.

Mrs Vagabond and I are not keen to add to the burgeoning global population and further strain the resources that will become increasingly rare and force battles to rage harder than ever over, and as such have lost several sets of friends along the wayside.

Children are not interesting to anyone at all but their parents and perhaps their parents' parents.

The end.
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 10:13, closed)

Not quite sure
what you mean't Vagabond, but I think it is possible to like and be interested in kids without having them or wanting them yourself. But having said that it's quite possible to find yourself "kicked out of the club" if all your contemporary friends find themselves with growing families.
(verynaughtyboy, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 10:22, closed)

What I mean is that new parents are very boring to those without kids.
And "liking or being interested in kids" if one doesn't have them oneself is now an penal offense (see what I did there?).
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 10:30, closed)

Happens the other way too
We're kidless, but several of our good friends who have kids have drifted away from us. Which is a shame, cos I like the little bastards (but only when I can give them back to their wranglers), and being around them reminds the girlfriend that she doesn't and reinforces her "no babies" rule!
( Fronds are waving gently on, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 11:19, closed)

This thread reminds me of a pet hate (other than the phrase 'pet hate' obviously)
I've recently heard childless couples (I am half of one of these) described as being 'too selfish' to have children.

It's like there's this idea that having children is somehow for the greater good of the world and that by procreating you're sacrificing something of yours for this good.

Wow this annoys me... If anything, it's quite the reverse. People have children because they want them. You could say this was a selfish act couldn't you, satisfying that want?

End of rant.
(Ask Murderer has resigned and is shirking - hello b3ta., Wed 17 Feb 2010, 13:53, closed)

My pet hate
People that have kids then do nothing but moan about it. If you dont want any and dont have any, I applaud you fo doing what you want.
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 14:36, closed)

I'm 22...
...and about to be a daddy! My fiancee is 20, and will be that old when the baby is born (due date is about 3 weeks before her 21st). We are, without too much information that 0.01% that proves the contraception rule. YAY!

I have had to give up a dream of going to New Zealand and she has had to give up her place at theatre school in order to do this. Instead I buckled down, have got on a good graduate scheme and have a corporate career in front of me.

Honestly, not saying this to say, "oh haven't I got it hard" but merely to say that I cannot wait to be a dad. I am pretty scared and there will be a lot of menial and boring stuff, more for mrs teddybear (well I guess business advisory has its downside), but I really hope it is worth it. Anymore advice or heartwarming stories from fellow b3tans, please let me know, cos I lied before: I'm REALLY scared, but can't tell the mrs cos she has so much to deal with already!

Thanks to Ring of Fire and Obi Wanker Nobi for the uplifting things!
(satanstolemyteddybear Mu hõljuk on angerjaid täis, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 15:27, closed)

You're looking at it wrong.
You're not a dependant, just because you're not earning money. You're still contributing to the family, hopefully as much (if not more) as he is.

Try not thinking of you and your partner as individuals but as a true partnership with different roles to play. We are more than our jobs.
(Richy_T hundreds if not thousands of dollars, Wed 17 Feb 2010, 18:58, closed)