Car crash
Back in 2000 when I was 23 and still drove like an arse I was involved in a car accident I had slowed to 80 to take a corner a red Seat Toledo appeared in the middle of the road from a hidden dip. I swerved to avoid her clipped the grass verge and fishtailed down the road. I remember at the time thinking to myself that it was going to be expensive to fix just before the car dug itself into the ditch pirouetted on its nose and continued down the road backwards. As it pirouetted I remember thinking that this was it.
Anyway car comes to a halt and I see the 3 or 4 cars I had overtaken at speed earlier all stopped with their drivers and all running towards me. I got out with horrific back pain (maybe I should have sat and not moved) A guy offered to take me to the hospital, home and let me use his phone to contact the insurance. He could have said “Me and my mates what to take you to our dungeon and grape you” I would have said yes and my brain didn’t work well. We headed back to his place and his wife was there. She made me a cup of tea and let me phone the insurance. He punched well above his weight she was lovely.
After that it was off to hospital for an x-ray, some industrial strength painkillers and2 hours of boredom laying on a bed while your wired to the moon.
I can’t remember the guys name but he lived in Crosshouse and had a hot wife. I dropped off a bottle of whiskey and some flowers the next day. Thanks for looking after and not raping me.
(BiggestNizzy your company name here pm for rates., Tue 14 May 2013, 10:04, 17 replies)

You deserved to get graped
...it's "you're wired" not "your wired"
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 14 May 2013, 10:16, closed)

Learn to fucking punctuate and use correct sentence structure, you fucking prick.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 14 May 2013, 11:05, closed)

Aw
poor wickle BraynDedd isth sthamping histh ickle wickle feets
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 14 May 2013, 11:15, closed)

That's not how you write in lisp.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 14 May 2013, 11:17, closed)

But it is how you write
when you're trying to emulate having a gigantic fucking chin.
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 14 May 2013, 11:19, closed)

I'm not convinced this "chin" material is working for you.
I'm sure you think it makes you an internet hero but you're coming across as an obsessive chin fetishist.
(Frank Snow, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:01, closed)

I can only assume it's over-compensation.
He's probably a chinless inbred.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 14 May 2013, 17:22, closed)

DON'T YOU JUDGE ME!!! U R NOT MY BRUNCLE!
(Misery McUglywife an attention seeking sociopathic fuckstain., Tue 14 May 2013, 22:37, closed)

isthmus

( drimble he'd been white, he'd been black, Tue 14 May 2013, 11:31, closed)

Merry isthmus

( Infidel , shit and wrong, Tue 14 May 2013, 12:19, closed)

ithmuth, Shirley?
Also, what's the word for someone who can't pwonounth their "R"s?
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 May 2013, 12:30, closed)

a WOSS

(localboy purveyor of pisspoor puns, Tue 14 May 2013, 13:40, closed)

Ranker

( 4Q just lurking, Tue 14 May 2013, 18:58, closed)

A woman runs into a police station
and blurts out "Help! GRAPE!"

The desk sergeant gives her a bemused look and, treading carefully, says "Don't you mean "Rape!", madam?"

The woman replies, "No, there were a bunch of them."

(C) Ye Olde Tirede Jokes Home
( .Yeti. El amor en los tiempos del cólera, Tue 14 May 2013, 11:57, closed)

hah!

( rofl harris, Tue 14 May 2013, 12:25, closed)

^

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Tue 14 May 2013, 12:29, closed)

www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ow7pwIDhl5c
( 4Q just lurking, Tue 14 May 2013, 18:58, closed)