An epic pea while I compose myself to tell a story of true near death caused by the internet

Cast your mind back to 1994 and Imagine if you will the young Australian traveller on his first visit to the continent. After a 24 hour flight to Frankfurt and a 4 hour train ride he arrives at Amsterdam for his first taste of the Dutch.

After finding a cheap and seedy hotel, he ventures to the nearest café to see if the rumours are true and you really can buy dope over the counter. Imagine if you will his utter delight when he finds not only can you buy the aforementioned brew but, you have a variety of interestingly named types to choose. With skunk, super skunk, northern lights, blonde bomb or grasshopper special blend running through his over excited brain he murmurs to the resident purveyor,

“What’s your best shit mate?”

For which the retailer asks “what sort of high are you looking for?”

“I want it to smash me”

40 guilders later he is clutching a bag of super skunk. Taking a seat at the bar, he orders a coffee (consumption compulsory) and roles up fat spliff after fat spliff disappearing for several hours into a cloud of pungent smoke.

Finally he makes to leave, baseball hat crammed on to his head, sun glasses firmly on face, back pack on shoulder he strides out the door and across the street when he hears it……………

The faintest of ding dings.

For reasons unknown,

he stops,

dead in his tracks as a rush of wind buffets his face and a 20 tonne tram knocks the baseball hat from his head and under it wheels.

“WHAT SORT OF COUNTRY IS THIS WHERE THEY HAVE FUCKING TRAINS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET” he cries to no one.

length: 3 more inches forward, he would have died that day a long way from home where nobody new his name.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 11:52, 29 replies)

Is getting stoned on your tod,
less tragic than getting drunk under the same conditions?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 20 May 2014, 11:59, closed)

Purposely going out of your way to do it is even more tragic.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 20 May 2014, 12:32, closed)

And he wrote "new" instead of "knew"
I wonder if this is a skilful metaphor where the tram represents his education, the cap is his cognitive dexterity and the drugs symbolise an otter ?
(Andrew Avetoom, Tue 20 May 2014, 12:36, closed)

Eww, you're quick
That was slipped in for the OCD cunts. First place for you.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 12:45, closed)

"I dun my mistake on purpose so there"

(Andrew Avetoom, Tue 20 May 2014, 12:51, closed)

Make an effort
Dickhead
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:19, closed)

Why should he make an effort,
when you don't even check your work?
(eViLegion Chief Commissioner of the Scottish Lunacy Board, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:22, closed)

Your really knot buying the deliberate bit ah you
BNut, you would have to admit, it was a rather wankerish way to make the pick up, the effort of a dickhead for sure.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 14:15, closed)

Make an effort
Dickhead
(Andrew Avetoom, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:09, closed)

I know you are but, what am I?
Dickhead
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 21:33, closed)

It is amusing seeing you try to use punctuation.
I imagine watching a chimp try to operate an Etch a Sketch would be a similar experience.

I'm almost glad that train didn't kill you.
(Andrew Avetoom, Tue 20 May 2014, 21:40, closed)

I'm not clever
And that was quite good - the bitchy bit at the end still sees you in the dickhead genre though. It's ok, I no you're type.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 21 May 2014, 7:19, closed)

Are ewe knew hear?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 20 May 2014, 20:23, closed)

I've bean hear for ages

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 21:34, closed)

What about the 28 hours of travel prior
To the on purpose massive drugs?
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 12:47, closed)

Oh yeah
Much worse
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 12:50, closed)

OK.
I'm not here to judge.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:03, closed)

That's ok, I can feel your kinship

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:17, closed)

^no mates and can't cross a road without his mummy^

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:01, closed)

Top bullying that

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:15, closed)

did you stay here?
farm1.staticflickr.com/85/224894356_5678766c48_o.jpg
( cumquat may will not be commenting further on the allegations, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:11, closed)

I didn't
No salt water pool
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 13:16, closed)

Such a shame.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Tue 20 May 2014, 14:25, closed)

Top Internet

(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 21:55, closed)

Melbourne
has trams. And Adelaide.
( Ken Oath, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:07, closed)

WHAT SORT OF COUNTRY IS THAT?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Tue 20 May 2014, 15:59, closed)

Adelaide - like Hull without the action
And Melbourne - failed in Wollongong? try Melbourne
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Tue 20 May 2014, 21:30, closed)

"I want it to smash me"

Ha, gayyyyy.

/Chang
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Tue 20 May 2014, 16:39, closed)

Mate it was the early 90's
Kurt Cobaine was considered tough, Courtney Love desirable, sad was the new happy and lethergy a substitute for action. What wasn't gay about it?

Although people were much more tolerant of racists.
(bad_advice QOTW survivor from the first trollocost!, Wed 21 May 2014, 7:26, closed)