my ex oswald was an officer in the army
one weekend he was sent away on an OTC expedition. they were split into two teams, one to defend the site and one to try and take it.

only at the very last minute just as the exercise was about to start did someone discover, entirely by accident, that the "defenders" had accidentally been issued with live ammunition.

apparently there were plenty of fairly brown pants in the wash that week.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 May 2014, 17:57, 33 replies)

you know i love you, you batshit attention-seeking slapper.
but this is utter, utter bollocks.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Wed 21 May 2014, 18:35, closed)

it used to be the standard bullshit tale of cadets and OTC bores
but I'm sure it deffo happened to her ex-oswald
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 21 May 2014, 18:43, closed)

It might have done, It IS an old standard like you say.
But given the sheer fucking incompetence of quite lot of Ruperts combined with the mentality of armourers when it comes to requisition forms, it's pretty much bound to have happened for real at least once.
I remember Mark Thomas doing a bit on one of his shows a while back where he'd got a FOI request actually answered, that said that something like 70% of serving frontline infantrymen at that time couldn't even pass basic marksmanship.
I still remember RAF air trafficers on my first Falklands tour whinging before an exercise because the armourers had told them that they'd have to clean their weapons themselves. "But none of us have done anything like that since basic".
:/
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 21 May 2014, 19:22, closed)

We had a STAB deployed with us
Not only had he not done any radio procedure, so useless for signals, he knew nothing about his rifle either how to shoot or maintain it.
We felt sorry for him as some biff up the ladder had okay'd his deployment.
(SpangoTheWonderBadger is brewing beer, Thu 22 May 2014, 10:58, closed)

These were full-timers.
A few years back I knew an Air Traffic Controller who had to be taught radio procedure on deployment because "But I'm DSATCO back home, I NEVER have to actually control".
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 22 May 2014, 11:04, closed)

well, i can swear on my all important snugglesacks that he told me it happened and that i believed him
whether i was dipshit thick to do so is another story.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Wed 21 May 2014, 19:06, closed)

I think it important that you "defend" this story.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 22 May 2014, 0:30, closed)

oh god
how do i go about doing that? i get so confused about who's supposed to be trolling whom.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 May 2014, 8:17, closed)

I think you just need to end a post with 'cheers'

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 22 May 2014, 9:32, closed)

It's a good thing that you're here to "remind" us about Legless.
Abuse of quote marks is fun.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 22 May 2014, 9:42, closed)

has he left forever alwez in are harts?

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 22 May 2014, 10:34, closed)

Who knows?
Who "cares"?
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 22 May 2014, 10:44, closed)

but he was always such easy going 'fun' and had so many 'hilarious' 'anecdotes'
ch'ee'rs
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 22 May 2014, 11:11, closed)

Stop it,
you're "making" me cry.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 22 May 2014, 13:00, closed)

This is up there with the building site story of the Irsih man who turns up with his special digging boots
and his special spade and could dig the utility and sewage pipe ditch faster than a mini ex. or JCB depending how pissed the bloke who knows a builder who told him and he has no reason to disbelieve him and it really happened.

*see also stomach pumped cause if was full of spunk.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 21 May 2014, 19:28, closed)

So, if it wasn't spunk, what was your stomach full of?

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 21 May 2014, 22:11, closed)

The eviscerated organs of my lovely enemies.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 22 May 2014, 9:28, closed)

^Has bumteeth.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 22 May 2014, 11:05, closed)

What does that even mean?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 22 May 2014, 12:52, closed)

Yeah , go on. Try to even deny the fact you've got bumteeth.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 22 May 2014, 12:57, closed)

Did they make it over-the-counter?

(Plague Hedgehog 'posting crap', Wed 21 May 2014, 21:52, closed)

Are you sure that the "EX" was **REEEEAAAALLLLLYYYY** in the army??
It is fucking clear as day that all exercises UNLESS ABSOLUTELY STATED THAT LIVE ROUNDS WILL BE USED mean that a BIG FUCKING YELLOW FLASH SUPPRESSOR WILL be fitted to the barrel end of any weapon.

End Ex.
( Tesco Quality 60.825659, -0.788337, Wed 21 May 2014, 22:12, closed)

I've got this one:
SWIPEY'S EX CONFIRMED AS EDSMEDS!
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 21 May 2014, 22:45, closed)

Yeah but the yellow flash-suppressors only came in in the late 1980's iirc.
Swipey's ex was probably older than me.
And I'm older than God.
*Armpit trouserses it up a bit*
( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Wed 21 May 2014, 22:47, closed)

Flash suppressors - LOL
They aren't flash suppressors they are blank-firing adaptors(BFA). If they aren't on automatic rifles won't cycle the ammo.
This board is full of bloody walter mitteys - just like her ex.
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Thu 22 May 2014, 8:20, closed)

Nonsense You switch between live and blank rounds by changing the magazine for one marked with different coloured tape.

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Thu 22 May 2014, 9:04, closed)

^Wannabe armourer.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 22 May 2014, 11:06, closed)

Yet another post by swipe mentioning brown pant possibilities. #sheneedshelpforherscatproblem

( Fucking hell Jeff I am not a robot, Wed 21 May 2014, 23:15, closed)

She does like her shit.

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Thu 22 May 2014, 9:29, closed)

^Has an ex called 'Oswald'.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Wed 21 May 2014, 23:41, closed)

well, not really
but his real name wasn't much better
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 22 May 2014, 8:16, closed)

Yeah, EdsMeds.

( stuj (^(^;;^)^) GO TEAM SPIDERS!(^(^;;^)^), Thu 22 May 2014, 11:08, closed)

I think live ammo
has 'pew pew' written on it, and blanks have 'pfft'.

So it's really impossible to mix the two up.
(username failed moderation, Thu 22 May 2014, 9:44, closed)