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This is a question Neighbours

I used to live next door to a pair of elderly naturists, only finding out about their hobby when they bade me a cheerful, saggy 'Hello' while I was 25 feet up a ladder repairing the chimney. Luckily, a bush broke my fall, but the memory of a fat, naked man in an ill-fitting wig will live with me forever.

(, Thu 1 Oct 2009, 12:41)
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I made the mistake of buying an ex-council house
Next to a house still owned by the council.

The neighbours are parked across my drive as I type, blocking me in. I'm too scared to go round and complain.
(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 20:55, 13 replies)
in the tank.

That'll teach 'em.
(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 21:18, closed)
man the fuck up.

(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 21:40, closed)
they would eat me or something.
(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 21:48, closed)
grow up.

(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 22:12, closed)
I'd rather not get involved
Been there before.

There was the one who used to do petty stuff like kick my bin over when I put it out for the dustmen, it escalated to vandalising my car, three punctured tyres, ended up with threats of physical violence.

Then another who played really fucking loud music all weekend every weekend. I asked him to turn it down and he accused me of being racist. So I thought "fuck him", went out and bought a powerful amp and gave him some back. Felt a bit better but still stressed to fuck.

It's like being back at school, being picked on by the bigger boys.

Just want a quiet life.
(, Tue 6 Oct 2009, 22:39, closed)
complain in the morning to who ever you can - just report them as having heroin/stolen goods/imported tungsten light bulbs... etc... Before morning is out slash all his tyres and order him some pizzas.
(, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 0:03, closed)
Car door handles
Smear liberally with dogshit. If there is any spare, inside the exhaust pipe, and possibly through the radiator grill.
(, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 0:10, closed)
Or if you'd prefer not to get involved with faeces and shit...
Some really smelly cheese?
(, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 0:24, closed)
Or perchance
a kipper?
(, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 8:18, closed)
My chavvy neighbours block my drive all the time
Whenever I need to get my car out I knock on the door and politely ask them to move and I tell them when i'm coming back. 99% of the time my drive is not blocked when I get back.

I know I shouldnt have to do this, but we all have to live together and there's no point throwing my toys out the pram over what is in the big scheme of things, a very small issue.
(, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 9:48, closed)
Prawns in the radiator grill.

Buy them frozen. Insert their hard, icy forms in between the bars of his radiator. Nobody will suspect a thing.

Then, when he next goes for a drive, the warmth from the engine will defrost the prawns. At this stage, he may still not suspect anything.

But in time - and soon - they will start to rot. Their salty putrefaction will find its way out from under the bonnet, and will simply be enhanced every time he goes for a drive. He may not initially realise that the odour emanates from his car. He may initially assume it's the bins nearby.

But everywhere he goes, his car will leave a trail of the rich scent of rotting prawns. Everyone in the neighbourhood will start to notice the foul stench, like the pimpled, red anus of Beelzebub Himself. Everybody will come to know him as the Man with the Smelly Car. The Car that Smells of Prawns.

He will be mocked, up and down the neighbourhood, for having a Car which Smells of Prawns. He will be SmellyPrawnCarPongMan. The insults will gradually crush his self esteem.

Then you can ask him to move his car.
(, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 13:30, closed)
Give him the prawns as a present and ask him to move it nicely
(, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 14:13, closed)
Cheers but
I think his Rottweiler/Staffie/whatever it is would find them.
(, Wed 7 Oct 2009, 18:16, closed)

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