This is pretty harrowing
As some of you may know, I play in a traditional band at weddings and ceilidhs etc. Well, a few years back, there was a bit of a lull in the trad scene and I decided to diversify a bit by forming a contemporary singing group. So I got together a bunch of people - my girlfriend of the time, Lisa (one of the fairly sparse times that I was actualy seeing someone regularly!), my old mate Willie, and a girl called Michelle whom we drafted in.

We had a few practices and got together a decent repertoire of standards and chart stuff, albeit we were only singing to backing tapes. We called ourselves Zest, with the hope that the snappy name would get us lots of gigs. It didn't.

Meanwhile, in my day job, I'd been supervising a project student, a Singaporean lad called Nicholas Ang Wan. Singaporeans must be the politest people on this planet. I know as I have had a few students from there over the years. Anyway, Nicholas had invited me and Lisa for a night out with him and his wife, which he was paying for, by way of thanks for my help throughout the previous academic year.

I'll never forget the date. It was Friday 18th May.

Which coincidentally was the date which we got our first gig booking for Zest. With 6 days notice. I was in a quandary - should I take the gig, as it was our only one, or turn it down as Nicholas had asked us out? After a lot of thought, I took the gig and informed Nicholas that I was sorry but we couldn't make dinner. Maybe another time?

He was annoyed, but didn't show it and was very gracious and polite about the situation - even still calling me "sir" as he always did!

So we did the gig.

That night, Nicholas and his wife had made alternative plans. They were going to visit friends in Kirkcaldy, which meant a drive from Dundee down the A92, which is primarily single carriageway despite the volume of traffic it carries. Half way there, they were going round a bend; Nicholas was going a bit fast, and understeered on the wet road, into the path of an oncoming motorcyclist who was speeding towards them on a powerful Yamaha.

The resulting collision sent the biker through the windscreen of the car, colliding partly with Nicholas's wife, but also causing the biker's abdomen to contact the leading edge of the car roof. The entire lower half of his body was torn off, and was found in a lay by 50m away. Mercifully he died instantly at the scene.

Nicholas escaped with only minor injuries but his wife was seriously hurt and ended up in intensive care, and eventually was in hospital for 3 months.

But it gets worse. It turns out that by a cruel twist of fate, I knew the biker. He was an old friend of mine from school, Daniel McKimmie. I hadn't seen him much since then, but we kept up with the odd phone call and e-mail.

As you can imagine, I was inconsolable. I blamed myself for my selfishness in taking on the gig. So much so that Lisa and I left the band, and subsequently split up. The group never did another gig as Zest.

Had I not taken the gig, I reasoned, my old mate would still be alive and Nicholas's wife would not be in hospital.

But Nicholas was amazing. He would come into work regularly, and insist that it was a tragic accident and that it was no fault of mine, while all the time his wife was critically ill in hospital. He even went with me to Daniel's funeral. (Incidentally, he was cleared of any blame for the accident). Eventually, as she recovered, I began to improve too. All thanks to Nicholas and his selfless beneficence.

Which is why I'll never forget the single night Zest sung - N. A. Wan severed Dan.

Ha - beat that, Pooflake, ya bastard!

/Hull
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 6:25, 16 replies)

Why you....
....absolute bastard. Sucked me right in till the very last line. You swine!
(Swarve, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 6:41, closed)

I'm getting better at spotting these
Managed to only read the first line before being able to skip to the bottom, to save me a couple of minutes out of my life :)
(EuroSong I love horse meat: best of all the animals, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 6:43, closed)

You win!
Well done!
(not here, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 6:51, closed)

Me....
dont get it?
(Lip Up Fatty Fatty Reggae still loves BBQ food on, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 7:48, closed)

Me...
Neither. Could someone explain?

Anyone severed dan?
Anyone save a dan?

Sorry.. I'm sure I'm being thick

[edit]Got it now!
( heyrudi has just found this setting, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 15:22, closed)

Oh you fuck!
Ahaha you got me... even after I spotted the guy's name!

If Pooflake beats this, I'll marinade and eat my hat.
( Noeli overtheshoulderboulderholderthingstraplatchboobs, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 8:38, closed)

*contacts travel agent*
*Packs frying pan in luggage*
*Books ticket*
*Catches first available flight back to UK*
...12 hours later...
*runs to tube station*
*dashes to nearest phone box*
*Looks up k2k6's address*
...






@$#*S*P*A*N*G*!!!!

You fucker :)
( chart cat has an itch, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 8:44, closed)

Its too early for this
Hitting The brain waves while still soft from sleep.

Have a hearty 'spang' (and a click)
(misspiggy In danger of having to get a job, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 8:48, closed)

Ooooh look!
There's a gauntlet on the ground Pooflake, go on, pick it up, PICK IT UP!

"Click"
(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 9:16, closed)

Fight fight fight fight fight
...
(Holy Cremola Foam Batman will be back on, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 10:03, closed)

*click*
Brilliant...now THAT is unbeatable
( snee held his breath since, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 11:01, closed)

I really thought this one was unpunnable.

*applauds*

*winces*

*applauds some more*
(wellgroomedwookiee is a filthy-minded hobgoblin, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 12:07, closed)

Ouch ye bugger
(tweebianmonkey Should be known as Widget, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 14:25, closed)

^^CLICK^^
Ahhhh, you made me feel all the emotions.

Thanks.
(LongTomBadTom Does Makes Says Thinks, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 16:47, closed)

ARGH
You bastard you!

*click*
(CptFantastic stopped doing work on, Wed 8 Oct 2008, 17:49, closed)

Bravo!
*applause*
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Thu 9 Oct 2008, 13:00, closed)