The Night I tried to Kidnap Peter Andre
I used to be deputy editor of Hullfire, the Hull student newspaper; my friend Emma was editor and music editor. We spent much of our time on the phone to PR companies blagging freebies: we managed to get onto the guest list of just about every gig within travelling distance for a couple of years. Many of these gigs were amazing - some were amazing for the wrong reasons. Into the latter category goes the Viking FM-sponsored Peter Andre/ Steps/ North and South concert at Hull Ice Arena.

It was like a pre-pubescent Nuremberg rally. Emma and I made a point of getting as gothy-looking as possible, the better to scare the kids and their parents (with whom we actually ended up chatting at the back of the arena) - but the kids were scarier.

Now, in Hull there is (or was) a club called Spiders - a rock and indie type place that was a second home to me, Emma and our circle of friends. At the end of the concert, the night was still young, so Emma and I decided to go there. And then we noticed something.

We had our press passes in lanyards around our necks. Those passes had the magic words "ACCESS ALL AREAS" on them.

For a moment I lamented the fact that I'd not spent more time in the green room trying to get to know Faye Tozer - but it was too late for that now. What had to happen now was to find some way to exploit an all-areas pass and yet not to waste too much time that could productively be spent getting wankered at Spiders.

A plan formed.

We would kidnap Peter Andre and take him with us.

He'd love it. And at the end of the evening, we could kill him and throw him into the docks. Or something.

We headed for a door marked "PRIVATE" and went through. Noone stopped us. Very quickly, we found ourselves backstage - not only backstage, but outside a dressing room. A dressing room on the door of which was actually a gold star and the words "MR ANDRE". We opened it, bracing ourselves for an encounter with the Greasy One. We felt that what we were about to do would be comparable to the Red Brigade's kidnapping of Aldo Moro - only with pop music.

We were not yet in the dressing room proper - just a vestibule that was empty. Empty apart from two HUGE bouncers. They encouraged us to leave. We pointed at our passes - but we knew which way this was going. They encouraged us to leave again. Attempting to salvage some dignity, Emma and I looked at each other.
"We just wondered whether Peter'd like to come clubbing with us," one of us - I can't remember which - ventured.

One of the bouncers looked at us coldly. "I doubt it," he said.

He was probably right.

Chastened, we left.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:50, 12 replies)

And the point of the story is....?

(Gravity's Raincoat, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:53, closed)

Touché
:)
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 11:54, closed)

I'm not a fan of "celebs"
but have a bit of respect for Ant and Dec.
They used to share a flat above his in London apparently, and when coming in pissed would piss down onto his balcony.
(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 12:05, closed)

If only clicking for replies made any impact...
... I would.



Aww, fuck it. Have a tokenistic click anyway.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 12:07, closed)

Since when do stories have to have a point?
Or have I missed some recent B3ta memo stating just that.


@Enzyme. Good job you failed really as you saved some other poor shmuck from ending up with the horror that is KATIE PRICE aka JORDAN.
( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:07, closed)

'S OK
I was rude to GR a couple of posts below. So it's OK for him/ her/ it to be rude back - I don't think there's any malice there.

Well, I hope not.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 14:14, closed)

I see!
Just send out the blouse signal if you have any real trouble though : )
( girlinthehole, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 15:27, closed)

Yay Hullfire!
I used to write for that. *Nostalgia click*
(Land of Green Ginger It's dreamy weather, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 12:37, closed)

Isn't your name a Hull street?

(Bear Pookie The Frankly Challenged. Halloween is coming to town., Wed 15 Apr 2009, 14:35, closed)

Last year, I saw a flat for sale.
The address was Flat 6, Second Star on the Right and Straight on 'til Morning, Land of Green Ginger, Hull.

Almost worth moving up there simply to be able to have that on your junkmail.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 18:27, closed)

Spiders
is still there going strong. An excellent place.
( sandettie light vessel automatic New Twitter - @bollocksreally, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 13:11, closed)

Just before the whole 'revival'* of his 'career'
he was advertised as appearing at a Zanzibar club here, I remember thinking it odd at the time, but hey, he was obviously doing everything to get his face remembered again back then

*and by 'revival' I mean 'dating Jordan'.
( Jessie © needs pirate name suggestions, Wed 15 Apr 2009, 14:38, closed)