Cured of being a good Samaritan (repost)
It had been a good night, and it looked like it was getting even better. Drink had been flowing very freely indeed, and since the city where I live is not exactly a Mecca for clubbing, it was pretty light hearted and fun. I was pleasantly surprised by a very cute girl buying me a drink, and was having a pretty good time with her. However she was drinking very very heavily. As in triple shots of vodka heavily, one after the other, and since I had no plans to take her home I was a bit worried about her. She couldn't spot her friends, and though she could remember her college (just about) she couldn't remember her room number, and she'd lost her phone/keys.

Gritting my teeth, I decided the best thing was to take her back to mine (the porters at her college were bastards), let her sleep it off in my bed and kick her out in the morning with a lecture on knowing alcohol limits and not going home with strangers. She thought it was for sex obviously, but I managed to get her back, on her side and looking quite ill. She tried to tug me down for a kiss, but I really wasn't in the mood especially not with someone as drunk as her. As I tugged away she vomited on me. Really, truly spectacular vomit. Like a fountain of undigested food and alcohol spewed out onto my top. Now I don't mind blood, and most bodily fluids don't freak me out at all, but there is something about vomit that seriously disgusts me. I had to take off my top in case I was sick myself. Since I was apparantly very drunk I thought it would be the right idea to hunt for some sponges etc to clean it up in this state.

Eventually with the help of a friend I got the girl into the shower and cleaned up, gave her some pyjamas then put her back to bed. In the morning I escorted her out- she looked the most embarassed person ever. However the worst was not over. Apart from the vomit stains on the floor, on my top and on my duvet, I had to deal with the person I share my sitting room with (we have bedrooms next to each other,) staring at me cautiously. Turns out she thought I'd brought a girl home for sex, and then had a threesome in the shower with her, and the other girl who had come to help me. But she claimed the weirdest thing was dozily seeing me topless, hunting for cleaning implements, since she assumed that I wanted them for the next round.

It definitely cured me of doing the right thing.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:11, 29 replies)

you prepared to get a beasting for this?

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:23, closed)

I was just thinking the same thing...

(Kip, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:24, closed)

yeah
every word of it is true.
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:25, closed)

I don't doubt it

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:51, closed)

Won't stop the usual suspects from making a fuss.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:53, closed)

I find it brings out the hilariously serious people from qotw in defence though
which makes it worthwhile.
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:56, closed)

It really doesn't though
It's watching two groups of people who don't understand that they are both as stupid as each other try and get the upper hand on a web forum.

It's quite depressing to read.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:58, closed)

It's a good job you're so much wiser and betterer than what they are, eh?
BLOW THE POMPOSITY TRUMPET, ARCHIBALD!
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:59, closed)

I knew this would happen.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:02, closed)

That means it's all your fault.
You big beastly ruiner.

*uncontrollable girlie sobbing*
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:05, closed)

don't make me call you Shambles
and blame all of the world's problems on you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:06, closed)

I think they've settled on Shambo
Although I think that makes him sound all rufty tufty, like he could take out an apache helicopter with just a bow and arrow.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:09, closed)

you've got to admit it's funny
I'd put it in my profile were I you
( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:05, closed)

S'true, it is a good one.

( Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:08, closed)

Welcome to the internet

( Vipros. clever got me this far, then tricky got me in, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:04, closed)

'As I tugged away she vomited on me'
hurr hurr.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 16:49, closed)

My mate once vomited on a taxi driver's penis in an unsuccessful attempt to get out of paying.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:04, closed)

If that's actually true
that's a very funny story.
( Bazongaloid, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:05, closed)

It is both true and fo' real.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:44, closed)

"Not me, but a friend..."
It was you, wasn't it?
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:07, closed)

How very dare you!
If I'd vomited on a taxi driver's cock he'd not only have let me off the fare, he'd have taken me home to meet his mother.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:47, closed)

Thinking about it
maybe she wasn't a she :(
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:06, closed)

hehehe

(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:06, closed)

Mecca isn't exactly a Mecca for clubbing either.
Oh, the irony.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:23, closed)

They moved on...
... they prefer stoning now.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:55, closed)

THIS IS ALL BULLSHIT YOURE FULL OF LIES ETC
Actually, no one seems to be disputing the story. Perhaps it's not all that fantastical. Or maybe folks on B3ta are all lovely, fluffy people really?

Don't stop being nice to people though!
(sabre-tooth monkey, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 17:29, closed)

Cindies? Life? Fez?

Sounds a bit like the girl who, on her first night in college, hoovered up about 25 untouched glasses of port and copiously vomited all over a porter.
(Le Misanthrope last procrastinated on, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 19:44, closed)

You tab :)
I'm at the other one
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 21:23, closed)

Wot, Hull? Sorry, mixed you up with Petite Chien.
(Le Misanthrope last procrastinated on, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 23:25, closed)

Oxford
though you're right petite chien is at Cambridge
( Amberl was stripey and dominated Europe, Thu 24 Mar 2011, 23:32, closed)

I didn't know
That I made you moist
(EvilMeister, Sat 26 Mar 2011, 10:08, closed)